Happy (belated) Father’s Day… To All You Awkward Dads

June 18, 2013

Hello there, latent alcoholics and alcoholicettes!

Am I the only one that things a “Singapore Sling” sounds racist?

ANYWAY…

Today, I want to post a series of pictures of celebrities and their dads, which I saw on Yahoo on Sunday to celebrate Father’s Day. I’m not sure how much it actually “celebrated” it as much as it pointed out that we never see these dads and for good reason because they’re EMBARRASSING. Why are dads so fucking weird? SERIOUSLY!

Answer the following question: Why are so many dads just crazy awkward?

I do not know. I wish I did.

I wish I knew the answer because if at some point I do have children… I’ll be the dad. I’ll be the dad that will eventually probably most likely be looked at as the awkward dad just like these men are that I’m about to show you. AND… I don’t have a good starting off point because this was me just on Sunday…

THAT COULD TOTALLY BECOME AN AWKWARD DAD! … (and no I’m not sponsored by Coffeemate, although that would be nice)

And by that, I mean me. ME?! Ugh, it’s scary how much this is a very real possibility. Not only becoming a father, but eventually becoming a father that is seen as a complete and utter dork. WHY ARE DADS SO DORKY? HUH?! ANSWER ME GOD!!!!

ANYWAY…

I guess I should start posting these pictures… AWKWARD DADS!!!! ASSEMBLE!!!!

uuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

It looks like Leo is staring someone down and saying with his eyes, “Yes, that is my dad. Yes, I know he looks like he’s in a Saturday Night Live sketch. And if you dare say something about him, I’ll use my lifetime of Hollywood connections to have your asshole raped by a team of stunt men.”

Learn something new every fucking day… Leo’s dad’s name is George and he’s a comic book artist, which is honestly EXACTLY how comic book artists look. So, he may look awkward as Leo’s dad, but he looks par for the course for his employment.

Nevertheless, I imagine there are a few women out there who tried so hard to get into Leo’s pants for the rest of his life and then somehow saw his dad and worried that he too may adopt that look later on and that scared them out of their fantasy wedding with Leo.

IT’S THE WANTESS!!!!

I don’t know what Kristen Stewart wants, but she always fucking WANTS IT!

What is she looking at? Like a pigeon in the rafters of this airport or she noticing the ABSURD sunglasses her dad is wearing? I don’t know, but she wants IT though. Look at those eyes! THEY’RE LASER FOCUSED AND MOUTH AGAPE.

Anyway, I do like her Nike jacket. Just do it… as they say.

Kristen Stewart’s dad? I would not have guessed that. That mustache is out of this world. It’s a lighter color than his skin. That’s crazy. And his hair is luxurious. I don’t really know what to think about this guy outside of he could easily play a roadie, a mad scientist, or a semi-deviant mystery novelist. Like he writes these novels, but also takes a lot prescription pain killers for funzies.

Oh my heavens.

So, we’re batting 1000 right now. We’ve had three beautiful celebrities who are hip and popular and then their dads legit look like someone who should be barred by court order from being within 100 yards of them.

I know Katy Perry used to be a Christian singer or something, but her dad’s cross/overall look is that of a former nudist colony leader. Honestly, I think these three dads would look great together. Their kids would look great together. But never should the dads and these kids of theirs ever cross paths again.

While you can’t really see it in this picture, David Beckham is easily one of the best looking men to ever come from that fucking island hovering North and West of Europe. Meanwhile, his Dad looks like just about British guy over 50 you’ll meet absolutely anywhere on that damn island.

I don’t know if that means Beckham’s mom is a stone cold fox or that legitimately anyone can have a gorgeous kid by sheer fucking luck.

Denise Richards and some guy who works at this park area doing the right thing and helping this woman and her kids with her bags back to her car.

Seriously! This guy produced a human being who for a time was like the sexiest fucking thing on this planet. That’s incredible, right? And here he is with his jeans awkwardly undecided if they are going inside or outside his boots and carrying her shit around.

I’ll tell you one thing… this ain’t the most awkward dad in this family tree – not by a LONG shot. Jon Voight is a fucking weirdo. I don’t care if you love him or hate him – that dude is still a fucking weirdo.

Probably the least awkward dad of these dads so far, but I think everyone expected Brad Pitt’s dad to be like a Robert Redford look-a-like. They seem to have the same eyes.

I’m not going to say it.

It’s probably just a strange picture and before then they were playing tackle football and shooting AK-47s.

Yahoo’s KIND OF hinting at the “IT” that I’m not going to comment on or maybe I’m just reading into things… Clearly, Hugh Jackman’s father, Christopher, really enjoyed “Les Mis√©rables”!”

Clearly.

Ok, so, we all think Hugh Jackman is gay. And, here’s a picture of his dad wearing a sort of flamboyant outfit and no matter how much I look at this I can only imagine Nathan Lane’s voice coming out of his dad’s mouth in this picture.

I don’t really know which one is the awkward one, but they look pretty awkward together.

Who the fucking fuck is this? Jason Mraz? That’s what Jason Mraz looks like?! HAHAHAHAH!!! He looks like a fucking WEIRDO. Am I the only one who has seen a picture of Jason Mraz and thought he looks like a weirdo? Man, he looks freaky as hell in this picture.

His dad looks like somewhat scared and completely befuddled as to why this weird is taking a picture with him, but it’s happening nonetheless.

I can’t stop looking at Mraz’s hair and face and well his brown hand with the finger point.

I don’t have a clue who this woman is, but her dad looks like a living breathing Peter Griffin from “Family Guy” and with him being beltless there is a constant fear you’ll see his no doubt tighty whitey underwear if he makes a sudden move.

Why is he carrying a tote bag?

Dads are awkward.

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3 Responses to “Happy (belated) Father’s Day… To All You Awkward Dads”

  1. I think a lot of dad/male awkwardness is the fault of women. I’m the one who made you wear that hat, and your mom’s the one who made you stand behind the cake. It’s in your gentlemanly DNA to do as we ask, and we purposely ask a lot of ridiculous things of you, so at least half of it is our fault.

    Leo’s Dad looks like he’s had plastic surgery to look like a Guy Fawkes mask, and Daddy Jackman is making my day.

  2. PWG said

    Nothing today has made me happier than Leo DiCaprio’s dad. Think of how much Just For Men he must go through every month on his eyebrows alone. If I had to guess what celebrity’s dad he was, I would’ve gone with Nic Cage.

    Kristen’s dad looks like he came to play the worst game of strip poker ever. Seriously, that’s a lot of layers of clothing.

    Katy Perry’s dad would’ve been fine if he had just pulled back the hand that grabbed that leather vest out of the closet. Without it, he’s kind of got that John Hurt as S.R. Haddon in Contact vibe going, but that’s not necessarily bad.

    Denise Richards’ dad is doable. I got no problems with the jeans & boots thing going on there. The fact that the waistband of those jeans isn’t up to his armpits or hiding under a Boss Hogg gut bodes well.

    I like that Angelina is doing the leg pop thing even in her pictures with Brad’s family.

    I love Hugh Jackman and his little hobbit dad. That is a great picture. I hope my kids can pretend to look even half as interested in what I’m saying and happy to be with me when I’m that age.

    Jason Mraz looks like the muppet Bleeker.

    Your own picture is fine, what with the stripes and plaid and flower patterns all squiggling around in there. Also, it kind of looks like you’re a disembodied torso.

  3. NixHaw said

    Daddy Jackman made my Monday. I laughed out so loud that if my office didn’t have a door, I just know I’d be getting strange looks right now.

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