Let’s Take A Virtual Tour Of My Dog COCO

June 26, 2013

Bark bark, barkers and barkerettes!

Just 17 days ago, Danielle and I adopted a dog.

That dog’s name is Coco.

This is Coco.

I took this picture last night while Danielle and I were busy feasting on bison burgers and mac & cheese and Coco – forlorn – stared at us sleepy eyed and quietly prayed in her Coco head that we would mistakenly feed her the next bite of bison burger to her Coco mouth and not our own. Sadly, for Coco, Coco did not get any bison burger.

I have been lazy about taking pictures of Coco. I’ll fully admit that. Danielle has taken many great pictures of Coco, so Coco’s 17 days have not gone undocumented. But today, I thought enough was enough and it’s time to take some pictures of Coco.

Unbeknownst to Coco…

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… her usual nap time – the hours between 9am and 5pm – was about to get a lot more annoying.

This is Coco sleeping next to me and being slow absorbed by the couch.

As one can see, Coco has made herself right at home as we had hoped and she’s usually found assed out either on one couch or the other couch or in her bed or on this one blanket in the other bedroom or if she’s hot Coco might be laying outstretched on the wood floor or the kitchen tiles with her genitals firmly pressed against the cool ground.

I think in this picture you can see the differences in color pretty well. Coco is dark and at first glance would appear to be black, but Coco is actually quite a lot of dark dark brown. Oh yeah, and SHE’S MOTHERFUCKING ADORABLE.

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LOOK AT THAT FACE! THAT WRINKLY FUCKING FACE! LOOK AT HER FRECKLES! I GIVE THE SOFTEST, GENTLEST, TINIEST KISSES TO THOSE FRECKLES!

As you can see, Coco’s got a cute as shit face. From this profile you can see that although it is white, there is a lot of Coco’s pink skin coming through. You can really see a mix of doggie skin and her white fur, which is obviously a drastic contrast to the rest of her dark face and body.

And the hair is short and a lot softer than it looks. Coco’s hair looks bristly, but it’s not really. It has its bristly moments on her back if you’re acting like a lunatic and petting against the grain, but outside of that Coco’s hair is soft.

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THIS IS THE FUCKING SOFTEST HEAD AND THERE’S SO MUCH OF IT. SO MUCH OF IT BECAUSE ONCE YOU START PETTING THE TOP OF COCO’S HEAD – YOU NEVER WANT TO STOP AND YOU WANT TO USE BOTH HANDS, SO THAT’S WHY COCO HAS SUCH A BIG FUCKING HEAD! IT’S AN EVOLUTIONARY STEP BECAUSE YOU CAN’T HAVE A SMALL NOGGIN’ WITH THIS KIND OF SOFT HAIR THAT YOU’RE GOING TO WANT TO USE TWO FUCKING HANDS TO PET!

More freckles plus a little shmutz or something in the middle of her head. I don’t know what that is, but it makes me smile inside my heart every time I see it.

Also, from here, you can see and you’ll continue to see that Coco does have scars. Lots of them. Coco was abused and that makes me want to feed people to a roaring furnace and instead of doing that – I just give Coco so many kisses that she’s like I think you have intimacy issues and those issues are that you are too fucking intimate.

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Here’s Coco’s ear. It feels like velvet. Because Coco’s ear feels like velvet, I’m constantly rubbing them and my hands get coated in her ear oil and my hands stink of her ears. I’m not sure if that is something that will ever help me in the wild, but it’s what is going on.

You know how if you look at a bulb of garlic and immediately your hands start to smell like they are actually made of matured garlic? That’s what’s going on, but with Coco’s ears.

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This is Coco’s pink and teal houndstooth Martha Stewart collar.

Coco is fucking fashionable.

More fashionable than her owner who is taking these pictures.

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Coco’s back paws are white.

It’s kind of like she’s wearing “athletic” socks, which cut off just past one’s heel. I don’t know why those are really all that “athletic” because to me they’re just the socks that I have that I cannot trust to stay on my damn foot all day without being constantly cared for.

Coco’s nails also alternate colors.

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This is Coco’s nubbin’ of a tail.

There is a sad story behind this tail and they awful job her asshole previous owner did at docking it, but let’s not talk about that.

Let’s instead focus on how fast said nubbin’ goes back and forth when Coco’s happy. It’s literally hilarious. It’s as if Coco’s tail has literally gone insane and is a robot that is about to explode in any cartoon movie because Coco and her tail are so happy to see you.

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You’ll have to tilt your head to the left.

Coco’s white and black markings continue onto her chest and underbelly.

Coco loves getting her belly rubbed and her chest scratched and Coco loves rolling onto her back.

Specifically, Coco loves rolling onto her back in the grass or on the carpet and then shimmy-ing back and forth to rub her back and her butt on said grass or carpet.

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Here’s a close-up of Coco’s tummy.

For one, it is kind of like pig’s tummy. There’s some hair, but it’s a lot of warm skin that wants to be generously rubbed.

The green line or teal line or whatever is actually a tattoo indicating that Coco was spade by the SPCA. So, Coco and I are also tattoo buddies. Mine are more elaborate, but in all honesty her’s are more meaningful.

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IT’S INNER THIGH! It’s not a crotch shot. I made sure to leave that out. I’m not running an American Apparel ad for Coco. Although, it is close…

Just wanted to really highlight the markings and how they continue to swirl and move along Coco’s legs as well.

Coco is also a big fan of all petting and rubbing of her meaty legs. Honestly, Coco just wants you to pet her pretty much everywhere and pretty much all the time.

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And she’s cool with you futzing with her feet.

Or at least is cool with me doing it.

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And if you’re wondering, Coco is still pretty much asleep while I’m doing all of this.

This is Coco’s name tag, which is clearly as understated as her owners.

Actually, Danielle and I went to pick out a dog tag at PetSmart and this was one of the mock dog tags that was already made up as an example and we thought it was perfect and/or providence.

And if you’re really wondering…

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No, she’s not drugged.

Coco is very sweet and doesn’t mind me moving her around or rubbing her belly or touching her ears and feet.

Coco just wants to be loved and lay on the couch, which she’s getting a lot of both.

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Also, Coco’s pretty jacked.

It’s kind of hard to tell in this picture, but Coco’s got a body like bronze, silver, and gold medal winning sprinter from Team USA – Carmelita Jeter.

I wish the Olympics were happening right now!

I miss the Olympics.

I miss Carmelita.

Anyway…

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I want to get a good shot of Coco’s muscly thighs, but she just rolled onto her back for my belly and chest rubs.

I’ll have to get a good picture, I know that Danielle has taken a couple, of Coco flat laying chest down with her thigh muscles prominent.

It’s pretty amazing how out of shape I look in comparison to Coco. I mean in general I’m not in shape, but Coco’s like ripped and toned with her muscles.

Whatever. I can still pick up this 60 pound mush and give her all the pets.

Also, Coco loves to sleep on her side and under the covers in our bed with her head on a pillow… LIKE A FUCKING HUMAN! It’s the cutest fucking thing.

So, that’s Coco.

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3 Responses to “Let’s Take A Virtual Tour Of My Dog COCO”

  1. Best post ever.

    Also, the best picture of Coco’s meaty thighs was taken by you — the one where she’s chewing her Kong bone on the living room floor and looks like an bodybuilder is lounging on an area rug.

  2. MyRobbie said

    I like that you can touch her paws. My dog won’t let me anywhere near his and that’s the best part of a dog. Well. Top ten. Congrats on all this love.

  3. NixHaw said

    I love Coco.

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