VIN DIESEL Should Play VIN DIESEL In “MARVEL’S AVENGERS 2”

July 10, 2013

Whaddup,

I had a dream that Anna Kendrick worked at the Chinese restaurant that I frequented. Not “went to”, but “WORKED AT”. My dream was during a snowy winter night and Danielle and I went to get Chinese food. Actually, Danielle and I were in a car chase with two police cars, which I outsmarted at one point and following the police chase decided to get Chinese food. We get to the restaurant and there are all these dogs outside waiting for their owners and they’re all covered in snow. I take all the dogs inside the restaurant and demand they be kept in there because they’re going to freeze to death outside. The owner is nice young Asian woman and she says of course to my demands. Part of the reason why she’s meets my demands so quickly is because we know each other from all the Chinese food Danielle and I eat at this place and have been eating there for years. Then the Asian lady and I talk about the good old days of the restaurant when Anna Kendrick used to work there and she was the host at the front of the restaurant. People used to come to this restaurant because this future acting star was so friendly and was a local talent that people wanted to support. Now, she realized all of our dreams for her and she’s famous and doing well. The restaurant had on its walls all these pictures of Anna Kendrick throughout all of her acting roles at local theaters. One of them I specifically looked at was one of Anna Kendrick dressed as an older woman who was a iron-fisted camp counselor who she mirrored the character after the older Chinese woman who owned the restaurant.

FUCKING BOOM!

All true story.

Sometimes people are like, “oh, I’d like to get inside that person’s head for a minute”. You will certainly not regret your decision if you did that with me. Although, I’m not sure it would be beneficial outside of entertaining.

Onto… THE BIG NEWS OF THE DAY… and/or A POSSIBLE UNSUBSTANTIATED RUMOR PURPORTED BY VIN DIESEL HIMSELF

VIN DIESEL MIGHT BE IN AVENGERS 2!!!!

I KNOW, RIGHT?!!!!

On Vin’s wildly popular Facebook account, he posted this…

“Marvel meeting today,” Diesel writes. “Only the people in the room can tell you what was discussed…P.s. Thanks to Our page, for pushing to make it happen… you know I get tunnel vision with my work… and after that meeting today… wow!”

Uhhhh… fair enough.

It seems like the website I went to is IMMEDIATELY JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS that do not appear at all in the evidence stated. Seriously, he was at Marvel and now he’s in Avengers 2? Sounds like you filled in some gaps there.

Honestly, it could be about a number of things. Maybe Vin is getting his own franchise or being added to a different franchise that is not the Avengers. Marvel is putting out movies like every week from 2014 to 2016, so who knows. There are more Iron Man movies probably coming out, more Thor, more Captain America, they’re just putting together Guardians of the Galaxy and on and on and on.

But… Avengers 2 is a possibility.

The website I took this great “news” from suggested that Vin could play “Vision” in Avengers 2.

The reason why they say that is because it has been heavily rumored Vision will be in Avengers 2 and because Vision is bald. So… there’s fucking that. Got a team of real detectives working these movie blogs.

My suggestion is to fuck Vision is his ass and forget about him. Who gives a fuck about “Vision”? If people hadn’t heard of “Hawkeye” then they sure as Hell haven’t heard of “Vision” and couldn’t give a lesser fuck about him. So, I have a better suggestion about who Vin Diesel should play (which is ruined by the title of this post)…

VIN DIESEL AS VIN DIESEL BECAUSE VIN DIESEL IS ALREADY A SUPERHERO!

What are Vin Diesel’s super powers?

FLYING HEADBUTT OF DOOM! … Everyone saw FAST 6 and he finishes off the hulking British guy with a flying headbutt and everyone in the theater came in their pants when that happened – worldwide, every time. So, we buy that Vin Diesel can kill another man with a flying headbutt, right? I do. So, Vin Diesel can headbutt people and it is just as powerful as Captain America’s shield or Thor’s hammer.

MORE POPULAR THAN IRON MAN! … This dude’s Facebook is legendary and in fact Vin Diesel takes credit for Facebook’s success because his own celebrity page powered the trend of all other celebrity pages aka Vin Diesel was the primary mover. If part of Iron Man’s appeal or Tony Stark’s appeal is that he is a massively loved celebrity then you’ve got to be fucking kidding me if you don’t think Vin Diesel is more beloved. The guy is an ICON.

GREAT WITH CARS! … I would even go further with that and say he’s great with anything that uses a steering wheel. I’m sure we all can find interviews of Vin talking about the extensive stunt driving courses he’s taking for the Fast & Furious movies, which of course means he can drive anything and drive it at fast speeds. So, if Mr. Wizard or whoever is in the Avengers makes Vin a superpowered space car then he can probably drift the motherfucker straight to an asskicking of Thanos.

PROFICIENT WITH ALL WEAPONS! … Again, all the guns and knives handling classes he’s taken for movies. The dude is probably Billy the Kid with a gun and whatever the equivalent of that is with a knife as well. All he uses is a knife in those Riddick movies.

CAN SEE IN THE DARK! … You know Vin Diesel goes method with those Riddick movies. I bet $1000 he’s done extensive work in the dark to get comfortable at playing a guy who can see in the dark and thus has gained the ability to SEE IN THE DARK.

YOUR IMAGINATION IS THE LIMIT! … He played Xander Cage in “xXx”. Snowboarding? Parachuting? Literally, he could be able to do anything. Plus, we found out this year he’s a phenomenal singer, right? RIGHT?! So, his talents could literally be anything.

Lastly…

MUSK! … ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! Are you even going to pretend that Vin Diesel’s personal aroma doesn’t have some type of altering effects (good or bad) on people. I mean I can imagine that it could be both hypnotic that if you get one whiff then you’re literally under his spell and will do his bidding… or his smell could instantly cause one to grow fearful of his alpha male pheromones. I mean it’s probably one or the other or both. I mean you know it messes with your head. That’s for sure. Smelling Vin Diesel will change your reality FOREVER.

So, if Vin Diesel doesn’t appear as Vin Diesel in the next Avengers movie then I’m not seeing it.

I probably wasn’t going to see it anyway because the Avengers was stupid and was a movie so stupid and filled with plot holes that if it weren’t for the plot holes then there wouldn’t have been a storyline. It’s a fucking dumb movie. And obviously the only thing that can save it is… Vin Diesel.

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2 Responses to “VIN DIESEL Should Play VIN DIESEL In “MARVEL’S AVENGERS 2””

  1. tiffanized said

    I always get Chinese food after outrunning to cops. It’s my thing.

  2. seriously?! How can you hate on avengers!! that was a great movie. comedy, explosions, chris hemsworth…. what more could you ask for? besides vin diesel, apparently. however I loved fast 6 and the headbutt of doom so I fully agree with todays post and second your motion for vin diesel to play himself in avengers dos

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