BREAKING NEWS: KRISTEN STEWART ATE A POP-TART
July 23, 2013
LIFE IS THE BORINGEST.
It wasn’t even a metaphor or anything.
Like it wasn’t Kristen Stewart eating … a … pop-tart.
You know what I mean?
Like eating … am I right?!
A pop-tart … am I right?!
But, in fact, it is simply Kristen Stewart eating a Pop-tart on the set of “Camp X-ray”.
This movie is going to be the most exhilarating.
I guess there is shit going on in the world, but I don’t care about it.
I don’t care about the royal baby.
I don’t care about Miley Cyrus or her mom Tish.
I don’t care about the chick from Lady Antebellum.
I’m not sure why I’m bolding this.
I don’t care about Comic-Con.
I don’t care about Loki at Comic-Con.
I don’t care about any of the panels at Comic-Con.
I don’t even know what else there is to not care about.
Seriously, I went on Twitter before and I have no idea why, but all the trending topics were U.S. city names. Just like Chicago was trending and Atlanta was trending. Who the fuck cares about those places, am I right? Or at least who cares enough about them to get them trending all of a sudden? Those cities have been around for more than 170 years. What’s the big fucking deal all of a sudden?
Anyway…
I love you.
And, I hope you’re too busy squeezing someone’s nips to worry about a member of the awful Cyrus clan.
Kristen Stewart wants IT 
What’s going on with the Cyruses? The Cyri? Cyrii? I could google it but leaving a comment on this blog and hoping it gets answered eventually seems a lot more efficient.
Do we know the flavor of the Pop Tart? Do you think they’ll send out a town crier to announce it to us? I hope it’s cherry and not strawberry. At least we know it’s frosted. People who eat unfrosted Pop Tarts are not to be trusted.
I was actually coming here to request some further explanation of the Cyruses, too. I actually did try Google and these were the top three results:
Miley Cyrus admits to making drug reference in ‘We Can’t Stop’: ‘You know what I’m up to’
Miley Cyrus: Justin Bieber is ‘still stupid’
Miley Cyrus’ parents call off divorce proceedings … again
Not sure if any of those are particularly “big” news, but the second one was intriguing enough to win my click.
Frosted cherry Pop Tarts are the best. I realize that doesn’t fill the Cyrus information void inside you, but maybe taste bud validation is some small consolation. I need more -tion words in this comment.
Masturbation?
I don’t know; you asked.
Well it beats defenestration, but I could probably work both of them in.