Getting To Know HUGH JACKMAN For The F@#k Of IT

July 24, 2013

Hello to you! AND YOU! AND YOU!!!

Well, I’ve been fumbling around the internet this morning and my care for “royal baby” news or Amanda Bynes news or Carlos Danger news is at an all-time low. I sincerely couldn’t care any less about these people or what they do. And, the stuff with the San Diego Mayor is too creepy just because of his face alone that I can’t even dare to think or write about it. INSTEAD…

Who doesn’t love thinking about THE JACKMAN? Seriously, even mentioning Hugh Jackman in a sentence in a sentence worth smiling about.

To say, I’m not a fan of Hugh Jackman would be ridiculous. I’m a fan of the man as a human being. As a living breathing, human existence – I’m a fan.

His acting? I’m not not a fan. It’s not him that I don’t like. I like him. I do! But I generally don’t like the movies he’s in. I don’t really know how I continue to like him so much as a person or physical entity for a person I do not know in real life and have zero anecdotes about, while at the same time I’m usually meh on the movies he makes.

WITH ONE HUGE EXCEPTION!

I love “The Prestige”. And I think he’s great in it.

ERRRRR!!!!!!!! Two exceptions…

I really liked “The Fountain”. And thought he was great in that.

So, that’s two movies of about 30.

You know he was good in “Les Miserables”, but I really didn’t love that movie overall and the parts that I liked best – he wasn’t in. The “red and black” song was my favorite part of the movie and the solo by Anne Hathaway about her dreaming a dream like Martin Luther King and so forth was better than any part that the Jackman was apart of.

Honestly, I don’t like any of the “X-Men” movies. I think they’re entertaining at times, but overall I think they fail more characters than succeed and the storylines are flimsy. And truthfully, I would much rather watch “Swordfish”, which is pretty terrible, than any “X-Men” movie because it’s absurd and Halle Berry gets topless in that and wears a lot of sexy underwear instead of her eyes going cloudy once every hour.

But there’s something about JACKMAN that is so likeable. I think that you can tell he has talent or that he’s talented or that he could be excellent in something… if only someone would let him off this leash of mediocrity and shitty comic book movies. With that being said, he’s got “The Wolverine” coming out Friday and he’s in the next “X-Men” movie coming out next year. He’s got years and years of playing Wolverine left in him. He’ll play Wolverine more times than any actor ever played Bond soon enough. Or maybe he’s actually done it. He’s appeared in 7 movies as Wolverine… X-Men, X-Men United, X-Men Last Stand, Origins, X-Men First Class, The Wolverine, X-Men Days of Future’s Past… anymore? That’s crazy.

Let’s learn a thing or two about the JACKMAN just because he’s fucking likable enough to know random trivia about and later when you use it in a conversation with strangers at a bar that you’re trying to have genital on genital contact with there won’t be a grown, but a smile when you tell it. Like if you told a piece of trivia about Miley Cyrus, no matter how positive it is, people will grown. Just the mention of her… ugh. Anyway, not so much with JACKMAN! People will be open to hear about this trivia and later will be more open to the idea of you rubbing your penis or vagina or both on their penis or vagina or both or butthole.

Ok? OK!

For Sunset Boulevard (as Joe Gillis), he won a Variety Club, a Mo and a Green Room Award as best male actor in a musical. He was nominated for a Laurence Olivier Award in 1998 as Curly in the Royal National Theatre’s Oklahoma!.

See? He’s talented! You just have to find him on a stage instead of on a movie screen to see it.

Adopted a son, Oscar Maximillian Jackman, in May 2000 (b. 15 May 2000).

FUCKING THERE YOU GO! Dude’s got a heart of gold and a brilliant mind for picking out baby names. That kid is going to grow up to build a fucking hotel on the Moon. Oscar? Oscar Maximillian?! Oscar Maximillian JACKMAN! Kid is going to be huge! And he’s 13 and I’ve never even heard of him. Not like that stuck-up Suri Cruise, am I right? I’m not. I love Tom Cruise and thus I love his progeny. DAYS OF THUNDER 4 LIFE!

Chosen as one of People magazine’s “50 Most Beautiful People in the World” 5 years in a row, 2000-2004.

BOOM! Fuck movies.

He was a last-minute addition to the X-Men (2000) cast. Dougray Scott was originally cast as Wolverine, but Mission: Impossible II (2000) required two extra months of shooting.

This was the first thing I knew about JACKMAN. That big-headed – literally – actor Dougray was supposed to be Wolverine. I’m not too into how they portray Wolverine in these X-Men movies, but it could be a lot worse. A lot worse without JACKMAN.

According to the comic books, Wolverine stands 5-feet-3-inches in height. Jackman, who plays Wolverine, stands a whole foot taller than his character.

There you go. Fucker is tall. I still got an inch on him though.

While filming Van Helsing (2004), he accidentally broke an extra’s hand.

JACKMAN is dangerous. Watch out when JACKMAN is around.

His parents separated when he was eight. His mother then moved back to England. His father, an accountant, brought up five children, by himself. The first 18 months of Hugh’s life were spent with his godparents.

There you go! That’s some trivia. Son of an accountant and, now, look at him! WOLVERINE! Imagine your kid grew up to be Wolverine. That’s an accomplishment. Better than a fucking doctor or lawyer or what have you. I mean there are thousands of those people, but how many Wolverine’s are there.

In the X-Men movies, he plays Wolverine; in Van Helsing (2004), he goes after a monster called The Wolfman.

Not trivia at all. That’s actually fucking stupid. IMDB?! Are you drunk? Go home!

He is terribly near-sighted and has extremely blurry vision when he isn’t wearing contacts. Even when hosting the Tonys and “Saturday Night Live” (1975), Jackman memorized almost everything he had to say so he wouldn’t have to struggle to read.

Boom! We’ve got his weakness! Medium to long distance sans contacts. Now, we know how to destroy him if he ever goes rogue and starts breaking extras’ hands again.

Once said in an interview with Jay Leno that he is a fan of the “Friday The 13th” film series, and he became an actor because he wanted to play Jason in one.

Wow. Low bar.

Was listed as a potential nominee on the 2005 Razzie Award nominating ballot. He was listed as a suggestion in the Worst Actor category for his performance in the film Van Helsing (2004). However, he did not receive a nomination.

See! People like this guy. They like him so much they don’t want to kick him when he’s down. That a good quality to have. Most other celebrities don’t.

Expressed great fondness for the comic book character Superman. Ironically, Superman is owned by DC Comics, the rival company of Marvel Comics, which owns X-Men and Wolverine.

Not ironic.

Not even a coincidence.

Just a thing.

He admitted after X-Men (2000) that it was difficult to summon up the rage and darkness necessary for the character of Logan/Wolverine and it took weeks of work with Bryan Singer to find the right tone for the character. After that, however, it was relatively easy for him to play the angry character.

I’m telling you – watch your hands around this guy. He’s friendly, but you don’t know what’s going to set him off and we know his favorite targets.

Has started his own movie-production company, Seed Productions, with his friend John Palermo. The first films they will be producing with this company are X-Men: The Last Stand (2006) and the Wolverine spin-off.

Ugh. Might want to close the doors on that company. May have already for all I know. I wonder if it was someone within his own company who leaked shitty “Origins” online before it came out.

Adopted a girl, Ava Eliot Jackman (b. July 10, 2005), in July 2005.

Heart of gold.

Was school captain during his final year of high school, a school also attended by Australian actors Adam Garcia, Andrew Johnston, Reg Livermore, and Hugo Weaving; writer Stuart Beattie; and radio host John Laws.

Not sure who most of those people are, but Hugo Weaving is the fucking bomb. He’s the best and should’ve been nominated for Oscars for like everything he’s done. Dude made a fucking solid character out of a guy in a red latex skull mask. Incredible.

His two children have playtime sessions with Rupert Murdoch’s younger children in New York.

Ugh.

Had to take stunt-driving classes to prepare for his role in Swordfish (2001).

He should’ve taken re-writing classes to fix some of the shit in that script. And what the Hell was with that wine drinking/hacking code scene? Has anyone in Hollywood ever used a computer?

He had never seen an episode of “Saturday Night Live” (1975) until he agreed to host the show. The producers sent him tapes of episodes so he could understand the format of the show. He later said that his favorite was the one hosted by Conan O’Brien.

That must’ve been an experience. I wonder what they sent him in total. If it was all more recent stuff then he probably went in there with the biggest boner of confidence. I remember watching Annette Benning host a few years ago (Why? Who the fuck knows why they chose Annette Benning to host a variety comedy show) and she was legit just reading from the cue cards line by line without looking at any cast member or object she was supposed to be futzing with. A dead Annette Benning would’ve been as compelling on SNL as the alive one was.

Often his wife and, sometimes, members of his family stay with him while he is shooting on location.

That’s trivia?

Hugh’s parents were English immigrants to Australia. One of Hugh’s paternal great-grandfathers, Nicholas Isidor Bellas, was Greek.

Well, aren’t they all “English immigrants” to some extent in Australia? I don’t know.

Wants to produce and star in a film based on the life of “The Incredible Hulk” (1978) actor Bill Bixby.

Hey, JACKMAN, just wait your turn. The first two Hulk movies have failed, so if you just ride this Ruffalo out, you can probably be Hulk next.

Upon meeting Olivia Newton-John (John Travolta introduced the two while he and Jackman were filming Swordfish (2001)), he confessed to her that under his desk in elementary school, there was a poster with Newton-John on it, and he would kiss the poster every day.

Did he do this while slowly gyrating his hips and licking his lips? Or was John Travolta the only one doing that?

Under his desk? Was the little JACKMAN dipping down under the desk each day to kiss that poster? I don’t know how Australia plays it, but in America you would get your ass kicked daily for shenanigans like that.

Was considered for the role of Harvey Dent/Two-Face in The Dark Knight (2008). The part went to Aaron Eckhart, instead.

I could see that.

Hugh was cast straight out of drama school playing Kevin Jones in a 10-part drama series aired on Australia’s ABC called “Correlli” (1995), which was the original creation of actress Denise Roberts, who is also the principal director and CEO of Screenwise, Australia’s leading film & TV school for actors in Sydney, Australia.

I bet that chick wanted to fuck him.

Close friend of Liev Schreiber.

If I could I would too.

I feel like if I was hanging out with Liev Schreiber I would never stop smiling. He’d make me smile and then Naomi Watts would make me smile and then I would simply pass out about an hour in because I would forget to breathe from all my muscles focused on the smiling.

He undergoes intense physical training each time he’s played Wolverine. When in peak physical condition, he can bench press well more than 300 pounds.

Braggart.

Hugh credits his good friend Russell Crowe with catapulting his career into super stardom. After Crowe turned down the lead in X-Men (2000), he personally recommended Jackman to director Bryan Singer for the part.

Being friends with Russell Crowe would also rule although I would constantly be thinking about his incredibly pro stance on foreskin and how unnerving that is. Who is THAT pro foreskin that they tell people? That’s something you just secretly live your life by. Sure, we’re all comfortable talking about how big or thick you like a dick, but not the foreskin part. That’s just inappropriate dinner conversation.

And… lastly…

In April 2013, a woman Jackman had noticed hanging around outside his Manhattan apartment building ended up finding him at his Greenwich Village gym and throwing her electric razor at him, screaming “I love you!” The 47-year-old woman was arrested shortly thereafter.

TRIVIA!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel like I know nothing more about Hugh Jackman than I did previously, but I feel happier.

Don’t you?

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5 Responses to “Getting To Know HUGH JACKMAN For The F@#k Of IT”

  1. tiffanized said

    I can’t see the pictures on my phone but I can only assume they are of Hugh Jackman slowly and lustily eating a Pop Tart.

    I have never seen Hugh Jackman act in anything. Or host anything. I’m clearly an asshole.

    • kristenstewartwantsit said

      Really? He’s played Wolverine in 5 movies thus far and you haven’t seen one of them? Not that I enjoy any of them, but the statistical likelihood one/you would see one. They’re replayed on TV a lot too.

      I’d only suggest seeing “The Prestige”. I like “The Fountain”, but I get why I’m in the minority there.

      • tiffanized said

        You are talking to the woman who has not seen Titanic, Avatar, or The Lion King.

      • kristenstewartwantsit said

        WHAT? You never showed your daughters “The Lion King”? C’mon! They better have watched it at a sleepover or something.

        Titanic/Avatar = skippable

    • PWG said

      There are sadly no Pop Tarts. Just Hugh in a leather duster and pilgrim/cowboy hat getting his monster-hunting freak on. He’s holding a spinning shark Spirograph weapon thingy in one hand, and one of those compound bow thingy things in the other. You’re also missing what I assume is Kate Beckinsale in a pirate-y embroidered bustier, brandishing a sword to ward off Frankenstein, a flying chupacabra and a were-beast of some sort.

      So no Pop Tarts, but I do feel like I’m getting my money’s worth without actually having to see that movie.

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