2 GUNS?! 2 GUNZ?! TWO GUNS?! TWO GUNZZZZZ?!!!!

August 1, 2013

Howdy folks!

I’ll give you TWO GUNS!

BLAM! BLAM! THAT’S TWO GUNS, AM I RIGHT?!

Paula Patton, folks. Paula Patton.

Get this lady in the moving pictures… oh wait, she’s in them already. Ok, well, get her in some of the dirty moving pictures then. Seriously, what are we waiting on? Rom-Coms? Fuck that. Write a drama or something where she has sex with her husband and she can keep her clothes on or in lingerie for that scene. THEN later she cheats on her husband and she gets fucking butt nekkid when she has sex with that dude. You know. Because she’s reserved when she sleeps with her husband, but when she’s with her boy toy she get nasty and nasty for Hollywood is showing nipples.

Well, Paula is in “2 Guns”, which looks horrible.

On the bright side, her husband is Robin Thicke and he’s got the number 1 song on the planet right now. So, that’s cool for her I suppose.

Want some more two guns? How about two barrels just unloading in your face!?!?!?!

KRISTEN STEWART WANTS IT!

And that IT is to carry around a cute puppy doggie…

And to motherfucking tell the motherfucking off the motherfucking paparazzi.

“Little Miss Sunshine” and “Spirit Animal of the Stars” Kristen Stewart told the person taking this picture – I believe or it could have been another picture – that they’re…

a piece of shit

don’t deserve to breathe the same air she does.

FUCKING BA-BOOM BA-BOOM!

It would be great if a fucking writer/director/producer in Hollywood could make a fucking movie where Kristen Stewart could play a character half as interesting or quirky or foul-mouthed as the actual chick herself. Instead, she gets the mute Bella and a host of other characters who are unsure of themselves with patches of dialogue and sometimes bruises on her legs.

Get her a fucking role about a chick who wants IT who was raised with wolves and Australians and by the end of her teens she’s the face of one of the most successful film franchises in history, the muse of high priced fashion designers the world over, and fucks Brit men like it’s going out of style, who also takes time out to flip people off fairly regularly and tell other people they don’t deserve to breathe the same air she does. I mean that’s a movie. “Camp X-Ray” isn’t.

Anymore two guns?

Yesterday, I said Walter Mitty looked amazing, but I failed to mention – because I hadn’t seen by the time I posted – that TWO other movies posted trailers yesterday that looked fucking amazing.

The first…

AMERICAN HUSTLE

Bradley Cooper with a Jew fro, Christian Bale as a rich scumbag, Amy Adams looking all sorts of sexy, and Jennifer Lawrence in the most hairsprayed NJ/Long Island Jennifer Lawrence way should could possibly be? AMAZING.

I will see this movie.

Director David O. Russell is supposed to be a supreme asshole, but I’ve really loved his movies… minus “The Fighter”. I didn’t like “The Fighter”. I thought Christian Bale was good in it and the rest of the movie was a waste of time, but I would like to blame Mark Wahlberg and his man-flirting for that. I bet like Hell that Mark man-flirted his way into getting David O. Russell to direct that movie and convinced him that he had the boxing scenes under control. That Marky Mark has been training at Wild Card gym in LA for a decade now and he knew how to make these boxing scenes work. Man-flirting. Russell and Wahlberg had worked on “Three Kings” (great movie) and “I Heart Huckabees” (great movie) together and I can only assume through that relationship and Mark Wahlberg’s general man-flirting nature clouded Russell’s vision.

But the rest of the stuff he’s made is great. Those two previously mentioned movies plus the Ben Stiller vehicle “Flirting with Disaster” and one of the best movies recently “Silver Linings Playbook”. I have not seen a scene of Russell’s first movie actually called “Spanking the Monkey” starring Jeremy Davies (you may remember from “Lost” or “Ravenous”) and I probably never will. Nevertheless, dude is talented and this movie looks great, so there you go.

The other trailer…

JACKASS PRESENTS: BAD GRANDPA

Wow.

Looks wonderful.

I really would’ve thought at some point the “Jackass” crew would have fallen off, but when they resurface they always kill it. Jackass 1, 2, and 3 were works of art and I can only imagine this will be just as entertaining.

Anything else?

It’s raining outside. TWO GUNZ!

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