“ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK” Drinking Game – Jason Biggs’ Layers!

August 8, 2013

Hello, reader(s) who I picture in your underwear…

I INVENTED A “GAME”! A “DRINKING” GAME! A DRINKING GAME ABOUT “ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK”! A DRINKING GAME ALL ABOUT “LAYERS”! SPECIFICALLY, A DRINKING GAME ALL ABOUT THE LAYERS OF CLOTHING THAT ONE MAN IN PARTICULAR WEARS: “JASON BIGGS”! IF THAT IS HIS REAL “NAME”!

Why am I yelling so much? Why am I quoting so much? Probably because I’m so excited about this game because it’s driving me up the wall CRAZY (!).

As you may have been able to piece together from all my yell-typing, you need to watch Netflix’s new series ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK and you probably need a big bottle of booze and you need to wait until Jason Biggs shows up on screen and DRINK YOUR FACE OFF ABOUT HOW MANY FUCKING LAYERS HE’S WEARING!

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

SO MANY LAYERS!!!!!!!

HE MUST BE SO HOT!!!!!!!

I don’t know if you can see this properly. You may have to adjust the settings on your screen or get closer to the screen, maybe tilt the screen, maybe politely whisper to the screen, simply interact more with your computer screen than you were currently doing a minute ago, but get right in there and start counting.

Actually, I’ve done it for you…

FOUR LAYERS!!!!!

I’d even go as far as saying AT LEAST four layers. Who knows what’s under that t-shirt? Who knows if Jason Biggs has a thin cardigan under that zip-up sweater that just cuts low enough that you can’t see it. Hmmm… Strike the cardigan idea. If Biggs was wearing the cardigan, he would have unzipped just enough more to properly show off that cardigan as he is really just a hall of elaborate doors at the moment leading right to his un-aging face.

Let me take a step back, I’m awfully close to my own screen as well as to this topic and should I explain.

I’ve been enjoying Netflix’s series “Orange is the New Black” for the past week. I’ve got two episodes lefts, so help me God if you SPOIL IT then I’ll probably still watch it and really not care too much because this show’s entertainment value is not based on twists and turns from my perspective.

Back to the point, the show is about a woman named Piper who is living a quaint life in New York City with her lover, Biggsy with the layers, when she’s arrested/convicted for a drug-mule crime she committed a decade earlier in her wild early 20’s where she was the lesbian girlfriend of an international drug smuggler played by Lauren Prepon. The series focuses on the 15 month sentence that Piper must serve in prison because of the crime and the ups-and-downs while in there. It’s an ensemble show and you follow other women in the prison and you follow some of Piper’s people outside of the prison and…

JASON BIGGS IS ALWAYS WEARING A FUCK TON OF LAYERS!!!!

Honestly, it is both my least favorite and most favorite part of the show. I’ve never been to a women’s prison, I’ve certainly never served a stint in a women’s prison, and I cannot speak to the realism of the prison … … … BUT I can speak to how unrealistic or just insane the wardrobe is for Jason Biggs’ character Larry whose most interesting characteristic is his choice of a billion layers of clothing and how infuriating/mesmerizing it is.

As pictured in the above picture, the guy is wearing 4 layers. At least 4 layers. He’s got a t-shirt, a flannel, a zip-up sweater, and a leather jacket on. You may say, it could be cold out… to this I counter…

Piper/Taylor Schilling is wearing 3 layers! THREE LAYERS!

Taylor Schilling might weigh in excess of 91 pounds. Maybe 91. Maybe 63. I don’t know. I’ve never taken a class in eyeballing people’s weight. I’ve never taken those carnival games of eyeballing something’s weight seriously enough to find out if I’m consistently accurate with my guesses nor have asked for any tips in this peculiar area of possible expertise.

But she’s a tiny, miniscule (in size, not heart or spirit or talent) physical form and with that she would require more layers because her body does not have the proper fat to warm her.

Where as Biggs seems like an average sized male. Right?

Biggs might have a circulation issue or maybe his character Larry does or maybe he’s simply insane. Four layers is a lot of layers.

This is not the only example…

Three layers, plus he has a jacket. FOUR LAYERS! AGAIN! Who has that many sweater, flannel, shirt, jacket combinations?! Maybe his character has trouble paying rent because he’s spent so much money either procuring or maintaining his vast clothing collection. Maybe he doesn’t maintain it and he smells like years of wear and food smells which kind of all blend together like paint does into an ugly brown color and that’s what he smells like.

3 Layers! Possible 4th because I think he had a jacket. AND he’s wearing 3 layers inside, which means he’s definitely wearing a 4th or possible 4th and 5th once he goes outside.

I’m talking like hampers of clothes. Like hampers upon hampers of t-shirts, sweaters, flannels, and then coat racks filled with jackets.

I just finished the 11th episode and here are two shots of what Biggsy is wearing in that episode…

T-shirt, flannel, a sweater that is made to look like a light peacoat, and a jacket. FOUR LAYERS!

BOOM!

If this man tried to talk to me, I would not be able to hear a single word he was saying over how loud his layers would be yelling at me.

If I wore four layers of clothing in anything but a blizzard, I would have HEAT LINES radiating off my body.

LITERALLY, I hiked a glacier in Iceland and I wore three layers. THREE. Long johns, a flannel or a sweater – didn’t commit that to memory, peacoat (a real Navy peacoat, not some trendy whatever that is that Biggs is wearing – ugh, trends!), and that was it. I was nude from the waist down. Actually, I did have pants and long johns under them as well. Also, by “long johns” I was wearing Champion’s knock-off of Under Armor’s spandex kind of activewear outfit. So, I was more or less in an hunter green Green Man costume with clothes a normal everyday set of winter clothes on top. My point being… Jason Biggs may have no ability to control his own human body temperature and/or retain heat produced by his own body and/or his skin feels like a block of ice.

So, this is what I REALLY want to say…

JASON BIGGS’ LAYERS’ DRINKING GAME

– DRINK FOR EVERY LAYER OF CLOTHING JASON BIGGS IS WEARING

Could result in alcohol poisoning or your death. Just mentioning.

Or…

– DRINK EVERY TIME JASON BIGGS IS WEARING 3 OR MORE LAYERS IN A SCENE

Also, could result in alcohol poisoning depending on how prominently featured Jason Biggs is in that given episode.

Usually, it’s pretty obvious how many layers that Jason Biggs is wearing because he has all the layers open enough to display the layer beneath. BUT there are a few scenes where he’s outdoors and one can only take an educated guess on how many layers he is wearing.

For example…

I can only assume ONE MILLION LAYERS.

Good drinking!

Advertisements

3 Responses to ““ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK” Drinking Game – Jason Biggs’ Layers!”

  1. Kim said

    LOL — YES!! The Layers bothered me throughout as well! Bravo for thinking up a drinking game. Gives me an excuse to watch again! I’m still pissed I have to wait a year to see the 2nd season.

  2. LL said

    This would also work for the Big Bang Theory, those nerds layer up too

  3. Allison said

    Didn’t read through the whole thing because i was laughing hysterically! How about the fact that one of thoe layers is ALWAYS PLAID?!…these decisions are made for a reason and I must know why!!!!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: