September 30, 2013

Good new week to everyone!

Besides the Pittsburgh Steelers trying to rip out my soul or the “Breaking Bad” finale, which will leave an indelible mark on what’s left of the previously mentioned soul… I had a pretty good weekend.

Danielle and I made it out of the house to go see DON JON, which I think we both thoroughly enjoyed.

The good and the bad of the Don Jon? Well, I’ll start with the bad because there’s not much to speak of. The movie is a little clunky and the ending is abrupt. The ending is incredible abrupt. The movie kind of just ends. And, I’m not really all that negative about the ending being as abrupt as it was because the movie already had expressed its view point earlier and there was pretty much zero confusion of what the movie’s moral or philosophy that it wanted to push on you was, so the ending was a little superfluous. It was abrupt and could have been done better and, certainly, kind of makes it feel like the end of a TV episode as opposed to a movie, but as mentioned I think they already got their point across earlier, so the ending wasn’t the climax.

The movie is also a little clunky. Some scenes don’t transition together as good as I guess they could have. It doesn’t feel seamless. It makes the movie feel like a “collection of scenes”, which is seemingly a negative and that obtuse observation is supposed to be, but it really doesn’t ruin the movie at all.

As for the good… EVERYTHING ELSE.

I really liked all the characters and I liked all the scenes. After each scene, I thought, “that was a good scene”. From beginning to end, that’s how I felt. I’ve sat in theaters like for ELYSIUM and SKYFALL where I sat and watched and after every scene I thought, “That was a bad scene. I wonder if the next scene will be good.” And it never was. The reverse happened in Don Jon. Scene to scene, I enjoyed each one. I liked the message they were trying to get across, I thought it was clever or well constructed, and none of it felt forced.

As for the actors, everyone does a great job. I think Joseph Gordon Levitt nails it as a more likable version of The Situation. The way he talks, what he say, how he dresses… it’s all great. Scarlett Johansson as an upgraded version of Sammi Sweetheart is incredible. I think they did a great job with Scarlett balancing her character of Barbara Sugarman between being the perfect trophy wife and completely unbearable. As much as the movie was from Don Jon’s perspective, they did a great job cluing you in on how Scarlett’s Barbara viewed the world in her own insane way.

The supporting cast was wonderful with Tony Danza playing the most and least Tony Danza like role ever. He’s pretty much evil Tony Danza and it’s great. Glenne Headly is perfect as Danza’s wife and Jon’s mom. And Julianne Moore pretty much kills it as the hot older broad who is a real life hot older broad. And, Rob Brown and Jeremy Luke are amazing as Jon’s friends.

I don’t want to give too much away, but the movie is kind of like BULL DURHAM with JGL as Tim Robbins and Julianne Moore as Susan Sarandon. By the way, Bull Durham has one of the most awkward endings ever. There’s no Kevin Costner character in Don Jon, so it’s really a story about a young man being taught some life lessons by older pus… an older lady. Hahahah… good movie.

I’d certainly recommend it. Especially, if you like JGL or anyone else in the movie. Also, if you’re perhaps 40 and over and harbor wet dreams for the former 3rd Rock from the Sun co-star then you should REALLY see the movie.


Let’s move onward and possibly upward, probably downward, and some plateau-ward with…


12 YEARS A SLAVE – Oscar bait! Well, Steve McQueen (the director, not the dead actor) is at it again with Michael Fassbender and a movie that will no doubt be nominated for a bunch of awards. The movie is a true story about a free black man from New York in pre-Civil War times played by Chiwetel Ejiofor and he is abducted and sold into slavery and seemingly is held cruelly as a slave in the South for 12 years. The movie is about survival and dignity and hope and will probably be nominated for everything when the Oscars roll around. Also, seems like a movie we’ll all cry during and feel terrible about ourselves because in the end I think a Canadian Brad Pitt saves Chiwetel. And does anyone feel good about themselves when a Canadian is the hero?


ALL IS LOST – Did you ever say to yourself… I would like to see the last hour of CAST AWAY, but with a clothed Robert Redford instead? Well, happy days! I doubt I’ll ever see this movie.

CARRIE – Have you heard of the first movie Carrie? Well, it’s getting remade. So there’s that. What the fuck else is there to say? The grown up girl who played Hit-Girl is Carrie and Julianne Moore is the mom and you already know what happens in this movie.

ESCAPE PLAN – Once called “The Tomb”, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger ditch the expendable Expendables’ crew and make a movie about a prison escape. The trailers look terrible as Sly says his job is to break out of prisons. NO ONE’S JOB IS TO BREAK OUT OF PRISONS! Either way, this will suck and some people will see it, but no where near the amount of people they’re hoping for, but who cares because they’ll sell this crap to Netflix and to TBS and CINEMAX and they’ll recoup whatever investment they put into it and make another crappy movie in a year or two.

THE FIFTH ESTATE – Wasn’t it like yesterday the WikiLeaks thing even happened? I don’t really know how this movie was made so quickly or why it was made at all considering a documentary about the situation seems like that would be much more reasonable, BUT we have Benedict Cumberbatch looking 10x creepier than he usually does as Julian Assange. So, if you feel like trying to empathize with a dude who looks like an a-typical sexual serial killer and/or with Daniel Bruhl (who? I don’t know) in a terrible looking fake mustache and fake beard then go ahead. I’ll most likely never see any more of this movie than I already have by watching the trailer once and holding a look on my face like I was smelling the worst fart in history.

KILL YOUR DARLINGS – Meh. It’s a movie about murder and Kerouac and I don’t care. There is something so unappealing about these movies “about” these great authors. Just read their books. That’s it. All these movies that have been made about Kerouac all seem stupid. I haven’t even sat through “On the Road” yet, but Lord knows it’s not going to hold up to the book in any way and seriously the only reason really to watch it is to see Kristen Stewart’s nipples the few times they show up. I don’t want to see Garrett Hedlund stumble through as Nick Cassidey. And I don’t want to see Radcliffe playing Ginsberg way more than I didn’t really want to see Franco as Ginsberg in “Howl”. Anyway… you see it. I probably won’t.

PARADISE – I think most of us thought Diablo Cody was going to be the biggest and now she’s like a Jeopardy question punchline. This is her latest and directorial debut about Julianne Hough moving to Las Vegas for some reason and she becomes friends with Russell Brand and Octavia Spencer for some greater unknown reason and it’s all PG-13 for some unexplainable reason. This probably won’t even make it into theaters.

BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOR – NC-17… WOOOO!!! Well, I guess I have to ask you one question – do you like French lesbians? Because that is really the beginning and end of this movie. If you’re into French lesbians then this movie might be the Oscar winning film of your life time. If you don’t like French lesbians then you should probably just accept you’re alone and joyless because WHO DOESN’T LIKE FRENCH LESBIANS!?!?!!?!?!?!?!? Anywhatzzle… Only the French could really get away with making a movie about a 15 year old girl having a lesbian love affair with a late 20’s year old blue haired model. The 15 year old was played by like an 18 year old, so it’s legal if you’re worried and the model is played by model turned actress Lea Sexdoux. So, those are your French lesbians and the movie is them having seemingly pretty much real life lesbian sex with each other. I’m not sure if this is a marketing ploy as much as the cry for help as they intended, but recently the two actresses were throwing the director of the movie under the bus about his mistreatment of them by forcing them to have more graphic lesbian sex for hours on end. Honestly, that is how the movie should be marketed more than pushing the story. Sounds pretty promising, right?

THE COUNSELOR – Crime and gangsters and drama and Michael Fassbender and directed by Ridley Scott and written by Cormac McCarthy. The movie looks awful serious and possibly quite good. I hope it is quite good. I love McCarthy and Javier Bardem and Javier Bardem’s insane spiky hair in the previews. It’s got a great cast, it’s about criminals being criminal, and it should be good. It will suck if this is bad because I’m looking forward to it. The trailers are both good and a little underwhelming, but I’m hoping it’s a bit of a sneaker like Jack Reacher. Unintended rhyme.

JACKASS PRESENTS: BAD GRANDPA – Looks hilarious. I hope that the best parts are not the parts in the trailer, but the trailer is brilliant. I have seen it in theaters a number of times now and it never fails to deliver laughs from the audience. The Jackass movies were all great and this seems like a great premise to add to the evolution – if you will – of the Jackass franchise. Looking forward to this.


WILDE SALOME – I really don’t know what to say about this movie other than it’s possibly going to be horrendous or at best super creepy, which could be amazing. This movie will most likely only be found on Netflix or iTunes or whatever. It’s a documentary put together by Al Pacino – yep – about the making of the Oscar Wilde play “Salome” which has been turned into a movie with Al Pacino and Jessica Chastain. So, it’s a documentary made by Pacino about Oscar Wilde, the play “Salome”, the movie “Salome” which Pacino is in with Chastain, and it’s about Jessica Chastain the actress. I have a feeling the documentary may be better than the movie as the documentary has got to be a cluster fuck and possible weirdly creepy as Pacino talks about Chastain.


Some good, a bunch bad, skippables, and must sees.

Honestly, it’s seemingly one of the better months of movies, so go get yourself some coupons from Costco to go to your nearest AMC theater. OR just get loaded on your couch watching Breaking Bad reruns. I mean either choice is pretty good.


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