November 12, 2013


Do you remember the Summer blockbuster about robots fighting monsters called PACIFIC RIM?

Here’s a refresher if it has slipped your mind…

Remember that movie?



Like really bad.

If you liked that trailer then don’t see the movie because the trailer shows you everything that you would want to see from that 2+ hours of garbage and it shields you from everything else, which is wildly unnecessary. Could you guess from the trailer that half of the movie is Charlie Day from “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” pretending he’s a less funny version of his Charlie character, but as a scientist who uses what looks like lawnmower parts to meld his mind with an alien’s and that’s the real story of the movie and the robot fighting stuff is honestly just buying Charlie time to do his experiments? Well, that’s the movie.

Honestly, there is not a lot of robots fighting alien monsters in the movie. Not much more than what is shown in any of the trailers. Even worse, all the alien fights happen in like the same 30 mile radius, so the redundant factor is quite high. On top of that, you can’t see shit.

Let me repeat about the $200 million fight scenes…


In an absolutely stupid decision, fucking hobbit look-a-like nit wit Guillermo Del Toro – the director – decided that the fight scenes should all be at night and in the rain and that the monsters and robots alike should be darkly colored as well. So, it’s pretty much shades of black blue fighting against other shades of black blue and who knows if there’s something interesting even happening. Guess what? There isn’t. The fight scenes – if you can see them – are completely average and uninteresting. You’ve definitely see this all before.

Let me emphasize that even more… NOTHING NEW TO SEE HERE AT ALL.

There have been 3 … THREE … TRANSFORMERS movies. Three of them. THREE! That’s 6+ hours of big robots shooting guns, doing flips, using swords and axes, and all sorts of things. Big robots fighting is nothing new. The aliens? Well, you learn nothing about them and they’re all pretty similar and they die as soon as they appear for the most part, so they’re nothing to spend a second thought about. The scenes look just like the Transformers fight scenes except slower and poorly lit.

Remember in the first Transformers movie where Optimus Prime skated along the freeway and tackled that bad robot off the freeway… that right there is better than anything you’ll see in Pacific Rim.

So, the fight scenes – what you’re there to see – are not original nor are they fun to watch.

What else?

Well, there’s tons of shitty storyline that has no baring on the movie as a whole.

Most of this movie is terrible acting in terrible scenes. And there’s a lot of it. There’s are chunks of this movie where you never hear about those robots nor see them.

What is “Pacific Rim”? Well, it’s a really bad rip off of STARSHIP TROOPERS without all the cynical social commentary and replaced with a CW style level acting and emotion. 

Remember those cadet scenes in Starship Troopers? Picture a lot of those scenes, but worse and as mentioned they don’t tie into a greater picture making fun of our obsession with violence or our government fabricating fear to get us into wars.

Also, Pacific Rim? It’s a stupid movie title to begin with and it gets worse as the aliens aren’t coming up through the Pacific Rim, but teleporting there. It’s just such a stupid title. Seriously, any title about what the movie is supposedly about would be better like Robot Pilots or Robots vs. Aliens or Robots vs. Monsters or Watch Charlie Day as the John Turturro character from Transformers… et cetera.

The movie is just bad.

So much unnecessary storyline that goes no where and has nothing for the movie audience to latch onto. So much time spent explaining pseudo science or pseudo technology when who gives a fuck because this isn’t a documentary. I don’t need to know the engine size of the robot because it doesn’t exist and these fake specs that are being thrown out are meaningless. Who cares?!

Why introduce something if it is never going to happen that way or be used more than once? Why? It’s a waste of time and is stupid. That sounds vague, but applies to nearly everything that happens in the movie. Nothing goes as according to plan in this movie; nothing works the way it should, so how am I supposed to have faith in any of these people if they’re all doing their jobs wrong?

Also, there’s just such nonsense in this movie. Like Charlie Hunnam’s character not knowing there’s a sword available on the robot that he pilots. Really? IT’S THE ROBOT HE’S PILOTED FOR YEARS! He’s never known there’s a sword? A SWORD! No one mentioned to the guy that they attached a sword that is fucking 100 ft. long for him to use? Fucking stupid. Just so much stupid shit in this movie. Stupid shit that is beyond stupid.

Bad movie.

Worse than any Transformers movie or Power Rangers movie/TV show by far. Seriously, the people in costumes pro-wrestling around cardboard towns in the Power Rangers TV show is a million times better than anything that happens in this movie.

Also, the movie is creep city.

Idris Elba doesn’t age a day and yet this little Japanese girl ages maybe 15 years in the movie. Charlie Hunnam only appears to get younger from scene to scene.

Anyway… nothing is good in this movie. Really can’t imagine people thinking that this movie is good. I cannot think of a single aspect of this movie that is better than the Transformers movies and those movies are barely watchable.

One Response to “PACIFIC RIM sucked, makes TRANSFORMERS look like CITIZEN KANE”

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