I’m 30 and about to use a leafblower

November 15, 2013

Hey, sexy ladies, the first minute is free, but the rest are also free because no one is lining up to watch me in my sweats use a leafblower.

WHAT’S BEEN GOING ON?!

Still buying a house, apparently.

The closing date is – supposedly – the 19th, which is 4 days from right now and who the fuck really knows.

That’s been the majority of my life. That and writing write-ups for UFC videos. That’s my life. Oh yeah, and the magical pitbull Coco. Taking care of her and loving her to pieces is also a big part of my life. And, of course, being the bestest boyfriend ever outside of those boyfriends who know where to purchase big red boys to put on a brand new Lexus for the girlfriend for Christmas. So, that’s my life.

Being a solid boyfriend option for @_dharv, giving a pitbull more kisses right on her little big nose than she could have ever expected in her life, cagefighting, and buying a house. A HOUSE! WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE!

I will be screaming that a lot over the next years of my life.

Also, I’m planning on buying a gun… sticker for the window that says I own a gun, but I really don’t. It’s not going to say the second part about not owning gun. It’s going to say something like I HAVE A GUN AND I PLAY VIOLENT VIDEOGAMES, SO BACK THE FUCK OFF BECAUSE I’M AN OBVIOUS TICKING TIMEBOMB!

Yeah. I don’t know if I would ever purchase an actual gun though. I’m about to start paying a shit load in taxes, so that there is a well armed police force of gun owners and users to patrol the streets protecting my ass and house with their guns.

Outside of that…

Well…

I want the Pittsburgh Steelers to stop shitting the bed and fire Offensive Coordinator Todd Haley.

FIRE THIS FUCKING IDIOT!

FIRE NO ONE ELSE BUT HIM!

FIRE TODD HALEY!!!

FIRE TODD HALEY!!!

FIRE TODD HALEY!!!

FIRE TODD HALEY!!!

FIRE TODD HALEY!!!

FIRE TODD HALEY!!!

FIRE TODD HALEY!!!

Yep.

That’s really all I got.

The UFC’s 20th anniversary pay per view, UFC 167, is this weekend and I’m excited for it.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

I hope Todd Haley gets fired.

Get sleazy.

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One Response to “I’m 30 and about to use a leafblower”

  1. Do they make a sticker that says “my girlfriend bought me a bayonet for my birthday and a katana for christmas”? Because that could do the job, too.

    And cheers to me for the alliterative gifting.

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