If there is a home-owner’s cult in the neighborhood – I’m ready to join!

December 3, 2013

Whaddup, my lovely readers who believe I abandoned them!

I’m officially typing this post in my NEW HOUSE.

TEARS OF JOY, MOTHERFUCKS!

YEAH! WHAT THE FUCK UP, BITCHES! And by bitches, I’m referring to any doubters I had specifically about me never owning a house, which I believe there were none. WHAT THE FUCK UP NOW, YOU PEOPLE WHO DON’T REALLY EXIST AND I’M CALLING A BIATCH! WOOOO!!!

I’ve got glossy wood floors, I’ve got couches being delivered pretty much every week until the new year, I’ve got a washer and dryer that was installed only moments ago, I’ve got a new fucking toilet seat, I’ve got Verizon Fios, and two trash cans and a new bath mat and what else… hmmmm… totally bought a new tension rod for the shower … and … hmmm… well … I’m guessing some other things… MOTHERFUCKERS! WOOOO!!!!

There’s still a ton of unpacking to do and setting up to do and figuring out what we still need to buy like we need a fuck ton of end tables. Where ever there’s an END, we’re going to have a table. That’s the house motto. Actually, the house motto probably has something to do with no ass slapping while I’m carrying something heavy or filled with hot liquid, or something to do with Coco being the bestest dog ever, or something about whomever scratches these wood floors first will never stop hearing about it in future arguments or something.

Much of my life has been centered around this house and will continue to be until the end of this month I’m guessing. From there, I think the house will still be a key focal point of everything I do for awhile, but once December is over I’m thinking we’ll have done a bunch of the shit we need to do. We still have a lot to do as mentioned with painting being a big one and probably hiring an electrician to update a lot of the electric in this place…. who am I kidding?! This house has become a bigger priority than my own food intake.

WHAT ELSE IS GOING?!

This chick is killing it at the box office.

Haven’t gotten around to see CATCHING FIRE yet.

It sounds like it is the same as the original minus shaky cam, which sounds like a positive. The negative is that you’ve already seen the original, so you’re sitting through a 2 and a half hour movie again for the smell of it.

Meanwhile, J-LAW is no where done with us because soon enough we’re going to watch a movie with her looking like this…

WOWZERS.

I really can’t wait for AMERICAN HUSTLE.

I’ll do a December movies preview probably tomorrow.

What else?

Everyone saw that Paul Walker died. That was random and sad. Even “sadder” are people showing up to the site of the accident and burning rubber from their own cars as a tribute. Did no one learn the lesson of his death? DON’T DO FAST AND FURIOUS TYPE STUFF, YOU IDIOT FACES. It’s a movie. Leave it as a movie. And Paul Walker was some dude, not an FBI agent with an adrenaline problem. That’s a movie too. Dude was in EIGHT BELOW. No one is out there running the Iditarod in his honor. Driving recklessly for the sake of it will only end in more fiery car wrecks.

What else?

Thanksgiving?

It was good. I ate a ton of turkey and biscuits and drank a lot of wine and my digestive track wasn’t back to normal for a day and a half.

Football?

FUCKING STEELERS! Seriously?! It’s amazing how that team loves to beat itself. They pretty much lose the game on two plays by Jacoby Jones. The opening pass to Jones that went the length of the field for a touchdown, which everyone had to know was coming because that’s how Joe Flacco plays and that’s how the Steelers fuck up getting burned on asinine plays like that. Then there’s the Jacoby Jones return… and fuck it.

The Steelers were playing a lot better recently and really could have won that game. They were really outplaying the Ravens, but not putting the points up to prove it. BAH!

The Jets are a fucking disaster and it’s hilarious. I love PARKS AND REC and all, but it doesn’t hold a candle to the hilariousness that is the stupid ass Jets.

Seattle is amazing.

Tom Brady is the only one crazy enough to want to play Seattle in Seattle. He hasn’t come out and say that, but I guarantee he’s the only QB with a real shot walking into that environment and winning. I hate the Patriots, but damn it I respect them. Tom “Terrific” is without a doubt the best QB in the elements ever. People talk about Brett Favre and I would say he’s probably the second best. I love Brett Favre, but Tom Brady is a stone cold killer in the elements. Wind, rain, snow – Brady rifles through all of it.

As for college football… that Doug Flutie hail mary can go fuck itself because that Auburn field goal miss return for a 108 yard touchdown is the greatest ending to a game ever.

What else?

I think that’s it for me for now.

What have you been up to?

What have your pretty eyes been up to?

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2 Responses to “If there is a home-owner’s cult in the neighborhood – I’m ready to join!”

  1. tiffanized said

    Sometimes when I want to treat myself, I’ll buy a new toilet seat. It makes my life feel renewed and it’s easier than cleaning the old one.

    I’ve been up to spending money I don’t have for concert tickets to see a band I’d rather not name. Let’s just say it rhymes with Fun Erection and I can’t do anything that costs money between now and next October.

  2. NixHaw said

    Congratulations on the new house, Coco!

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