My advice for 2014…

January 6, 2014

Whaddup.

Take the following advice very, VERY seriously…

DON’T FALL ONTO A BRICK SET OF STAIRS!!!!!

DON’T DO IT!

I specifically SLIPPED and FELL on a BRICK set of stairs, and DON’T DO THAT.

Don’t slip, don’t fall on brick. Don’t slip or fall on a surface as hard and unforgiving as brick. Don’t slip or fall on brick in the way that one of the steps hits you right in the back with its point and kind of slips you in half like the professional wrestling move – the backbreaker.

Don’t let bricks backbreaker you!

DON’T DO IT!!!!

I cannot stress enough how you should not let allow yourself to slip and go into the air and then with the full force of your body-weight being accelerated by our planet’s gravity go slamming into a set of brick stairs.

It’s really a terrible idea to do that.

It’s really a terrible idea to fall at all. It’s really a terrible idea to slip and fall. It’s not necessarily a terrible idea to slip, but it’s only slightly ok to do that if you make sure you don’t fall. Although, there is a very unsettling feeling when you slip and you didn’t mean to do it. You have a quick sickening sensation that you have no control over the next series of events and you could fall and fall hard, so you get this panic and this queasiness. So, don’t do that.

And definitely don’t fall.

UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES… DON’T FALL. NEVER FALL.

Don’t fall on brick, concrete, asphalt, wood, or really anything else.

Seriously, you would need to find something abstract to fall onto that is incredibly soft and welcoming to ever say you should fall on them.

Like what?

The Stay Puft Marshmallow man?

Fair enough. You could probably fall onto Mr. Stay Puft and be all right.

Anything else?

Alexandra Daddario’s boobs?

Yerp. You could fall into the generously God given boobers of Ms. Daddario’s boobs and you’d be A-OK.

If you were on the fence about wanting to watch HBO’s new mystery/thriller series TRUE DETECTIVE starring Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey – well, Alexandra Daddario gets ass nekkid and totes topless in the show apparently and by “apparently” I mean there are stills of its miraculousness floating around the interwebz already. So, you may just want to check out the show for that reason alone.

Anyway, I’m sore all over my body. Thank God I didn’t hit my head at all.

Injured and still perverted. Could be the name of my latest memoir.

HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND?!

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One Response to “My advice for 2014…”

  1. NixHaw said

    Damn those brick stairs! DAMN THEM STRAIGHT TO HELL!!

    Feel better.

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