Do people really watch the Grammys? Or do they just tweet about the Grammys?

January 27, 2014


I think the answer is the latter. We’re talking about the Grammys. The Grammys have always sucked. Not like sucked recently, but forever and always the Grammys have sucked. They’re most famous for missing the boat on pretty much every new music trend by several years and even when they start pretending like they know what that trend is even about then they fuck that up too.

Also, pretty much everyone who attends the Grammys dresses like an idiot because musicians think of themselves as unique and quirky and for some reason they feel the need to dress the way someone who would make that type of music would dress, so they’re simply a caricature of the idea of themselves. So, most of them look like a bunch of jackasses.

So, needless to say I didn’t watch the Grammys. I didn’t watch the NFL Pro Bowl either because that’s maybe more pointless than the Grammys. And I didn’t watch the WWE Royal Rumble because the Royal Rumble is the biggest cocktease (not just talking about 30 men in their underwear wrestling each other at the same time type of cocktease) in all of professional wrestling and I think I’m over it.

You’ve probably heard the term “royal rumble” before with an idea that it’s a big deal specialty match-up in the professional wrestling world. For that matter, you probably have heard of “battle royale” as well – the match not the Asian movie that is a gory Lord of the Flies, but is for whatever reason heralded on the interwebz like it’s The Godfather. Anyway, the “Royal Rumble” starts with 2 wrestlers in the ring and then 28 wrestlers enter the ring 60 seconds apart until all of them have entered while the others are fighting each other. The only way to be eliminated is being thrown over the top rope and two feet touch the ground.

It’s a great way to put pretty much everyone on the WWE roster into a ring at the same time without anyone needing to be pinned or whatever. It’s unique. It’s also primed for surprise people in the rumble and jokes and laughs and big spots. Also, the winner of the Rumble gets to be in the main event of Wrestlemania – or that’s seemingly what the prize is because sometimes those guys later lose that prize, but you get the idea. Anyway, the IDEA of the Rumble is pretty much greater than any of the actual Royal Rumbles. As fun as the idea can be, generally, the WWE gets pretty conservative with the Rumble and it blows.

The Royal Rumble is pretty much every comicbook/superhero movie. The idea is wonderful, but the execution is usually quite flawed.

Why am I even writing any of this? I DON’T KNOW!

So… do you want to look at a few red carpet people from the Grammys? OK!

Honestly, I’m going to only go through a few of these attractive ladies and not bother with all the people who are either disturbing looking STEVEN TYLER and CYNDI LAUPER, so if you want to lose your lunch then check out a full gallery of red carpet nobodies on Yahoo.

Tay Swift looks pretty great.

It’s as conservative of a dress as Stone Cold Steve Austin winning the Royal Rumble in 2001… well… that sucked… this dress is not as bad as that. This dress looks fine. I mean it’s a little too classy for the Grammys, but whatev…….


Muh gawd.

Someone should put this lady in the moving pictures business!!! Oh wait! They did!!! THANK YOU, JESUS!

What can be said about Anna Kendrick and Anna Kendrick’s boobs that A. I haven’t already said before and B. wouldn’t get me into trouble with my girlfriend? To be honest, I think I have complimented this little Tinker Bell’s boobs many times and have probably said about as much straight-up creeper talk I could say about them. Also, to be honest, Danielle and I have discussed Anna Kendrick’s boobs a few times. I mean how do you not talk about them?! Seriously, what are you talking about? Politics?!!?!! Do you think I want to spend my whole life thinking about fat ass Chris Christie’s bullshit or how fleeting financial success can be or how much death there is in the world? NO!

I want to celebrate life and Anna Kendrick’s boobs.

Those boobs and Anna Kendrick herself are a great American success story we all can be proud of.

She looked amazing and no one else looked as amazing as her, suffice to say.

What other jerkoffs do I have to talk about?


Well, she is a DJ nowadays, right?

Apparently, she showed up with Cash Money Millionaires’ Birdman, which is funny.

What in the Hell is going on in this picture?

The dress is awful. ACTUALLY, strike that. This dress would be so cute on my imaginary niece who just loves music. She’s 4 and she has really enjoyed playing with her toy version of a clarinet recently and we’re all very supportive of her with it. BUT!!!! As for Katy Perry wearing that dress… fucking get another dress! Get that dress that you wore that was green and everyone was staring at your cleavage including Ellen Degeneres. GET THAT FUCKING DRESS or get that dress in red or something.

Fuck this dress.

Fuck really everything about this picture including the chick in the back who is pulling down on her skirt, but looks like she’s got to pee.

Great looking woman and I like the effort of showing this much skin, bu there’s just something off putting about this dress. It actually looks better in this picture than some of the others I saw on Yahoo that were straight on. Maybe it’s the hair? That’s not the dress I know, but I don’t know.

I think it’s a good thing I’m really not into Ariana Grande on multiple levels.

I’m still a mess up in there in the brain, but I haven’t really bought into this chick and what she’s selling. It actually kind of creeps me out.

I’ll be comfortable in life never knowing who Miranda Lambert really is.

Did you know she’s fucking crazy short? There was a picture of her next to some guy country singer and unless that was Dikembe Motumbo in white face then this chick is about 5 foot.

1st place Anna Kendrick

2nd place Chrissy Teigen

Is Ciara pregnant?

This pose makes her look like she’s pregnant.

If she is then congrats.

If she isn’t then this is weird.

Also, if she isn’t pregnant – where are your legs!?!??! You’ve got the best legs ever, don’t hide them!

Lastly, Amber Rose who looks like Amber Rose again, which is both sexy and slightly frightening.

Amber causes a wave of emotions.

Although, she’s way less creepy than Wiz Khalifa. Although, the fact that she birthed his child kind of makes her the creepiest.

I don’t know.

Let’s just stop here.

I love you all.

I hope you had a great weekend.

I hope the polar vortex doesn’t swallow us all.


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