March 19, 2014


I mean they both WANT IT.

Anyway, I’m still here.

I just wanted you to know that I haven’t completely abandoned you since last week.

I’m still supes busy writing a million fight descriptions as well as doing some other fight writing, but I’m still out in the ether making jokes and doing things.

I went to a scotch tasting last week. The same scotch tasting I went to last year where I got outrageously drunk. Like I drank so much scotch, I became scotch! And I’m talking like a guy from Scotland. No, I mean I became a highly flammable liquid that carries a smell of burnt wood. That’s what happened to me.

This year, I played it a little cool and simply tried 27 whiskeys instead of let’s say the 35+ that I tried the year before.

Really, the big difference was that I didn’t eat at all at the scotch tasting last year and I did eat there this year. I also managed to get a cup of coffee in me too. I was definitely drunk because you can’t swallow 20 shots of whiskey and not be drunk unless you’re Andre the Giant and, seriously folks, RIP Andre the Giant.

What did I learn this year? Well, Aberlour – one of my 2 favorite scotch distilleries – has hired themselves a rather dapper & dreamy brand guy. Last year, they had a chick there who was a less than capable bartender let alone a walking/talking diplomat for the distillery. She didn’t have any real knowledge of the product or at least didn’t do a good job conveying that she did. This year, they got this guy and him and I had a sort of bromance, which I’m certainly not ashamed of because he poured me a more than healthy serving of Aberlour’s 18 year as the event came to a close.

Better yet, I won a free bottle of booze at the event! GO ME!!!!!

I bought like 50 raffle tickets because if you buy more tickets then you get to try more rare whiskeys. One thing I tried was a bottle of Johnny Walker Red from 1909. Honestly, I do not like Johnny Walker – sorry? – although, I’ll gladly accept a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue if anyone was so inclined to simply give me a bottle, but if you’re cool with spending $200 on a bottle of whiskey for me then I have many suggestions for bottles that I would MUCH MUCH MUCH rather have than a bottle of Blue. Anyway… what did the bottle of Red from 1909 taste like? Well, nothing. It kind of tasted like room temperature tea, but that’s about it. It goes down with many other experiences as simply conversation fodder for a stranger I’m struggling to make small talk with.

As for the bottle I won, it’s a bottle of cognac that apparently is like $200+, which certainly makes the $40 I spent on raffle tickets seem fine, but I don’t really drink cognac. Either way, I got it now. I haven’t tried it yet. I’ve smelled it. It smells incredibly sweet.

What else?

Still engaged. That’s good, right?

We’re looking at wedding venues. Seen one. It’s probably going to be held at that one. Still seeing a couple others. Actually, we’re supposed to see one tonight. I mean I’ll go in with open eyes, a clear heart, and dry pants, but the first place we looked at has a possible Philly cheesesteak station for the cocktail hour. A PHILLY CHEESESTEAK STATION! You know how much that means to me? I went to school in Philadelphia! I lived in Philadelphia for 5 years! I visit Philadelphia fairly often! I am an overweight man who loves to indulge in both cheese and meat on a daily basis! IT’S PERFECTO!

So, weddings, huh?

Not getting married for like a year and a half. Seems so far away, I feel like if we book everything by this Summer then I’ll forget it’s even happening by next Summer. Probably have a moment around March 2015 like – didn’t we already get married or did I make that up?

I hope you’re – still – living an incredibly sexy existence.


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