HAPPY BUH-BUH-BUH-BERRRRRFFFFF DAY, DANIELLE!!!

May 12, 2014

Whaddup!

It’s everyone’s favorite commenter’s birthday today!!!!

IT’S YOUR BERRRRRFFFFDAY?!?!?!? RAWR!!!!

Right? That’s kind of what’s happening in that picture. What IS happening in that picture? Not sure. I mean it’s from the X-Men: Days of Future Past premiere. The rest of the pictures are pretty normal except for this one where Jennifer Lawrence is kind of going nuts, which is great.

If you do see Danielle today, don’t mention X-Men: Days of Future Past or really don’t mention the time travel element of the movie because IT SETS HER OFF. Guys with metal claws? Whatever. Women who can control the weather? Sure. A wheelchair bound dude who can read peoples’ minds and control them through that? No biggie. What about time travel? FUGGGGGGG THAT!!!!! ARE YOU FUGGING SERIOUS!!!?!?!? ARE YOU EVEN BEING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!?! BECAUSE THAT’S TOO FUGGING MUCH. TOO FUGG-GING MUCH!! NO ONE BUYS THAT SHIT OR NEEDS THAT SHIT!

Instead of mentioning that X-Men movie that for the SECOND TIME in a row hasn’t had their director out there doing press for the movie because they’re too busy caught up in a scandal…

1. Matthew Vaughan directed First Class and, also, seemingly directed his pen-is into January Jones who played Emma Frost in that movie, which impregnated her, so Vaughan who is married with children to a woman who is not January Jones was not around for any of the press.

2. Bryan Singer is back directing this X-Men after he directed the first two X-Men movies, but he’s not doing any press because he’s being sued with other Hollywood execs for molestation and rape and so forth of 15 year old boys like 15 years ago, so there’s that.

… instead you could just do this to celebrate Danielle’s birthday…

I mean it’s about the only way you should celebrate any loved ones’ birthday, right?

So…

What could be the perfect birthday present for Danielle on this very blog?

Hmmmmm…

How about a silent film of Solange Knowles trying to stomp a mud-hole in Jay Z’s candy ass?

SURE!

Seriously, what is going on in this video? I mean outside of Solange going CRAY CRAY with the front kicks.

It’s got to be a difficult situation for everyone in that wild ass situation, but why the shit is Beyonce not doing anything? I bet this happens a lot. Maybe not the kicking in an elevator necessarily, but she seems remarkable silent and still in this situation like she’s numb to it.

I guess it’s comforting to know that even Jay Z’s got in-law problems, right? Maybe 99 of them, AM I RIGHT?!

A lot of people are giving Jay Z internet pats on the back for not punching Solange. Sure, I guess. I would give the nameless security guard in there the most props for earning his pay that night as he tries to wrangle that honey badger of a little sister. It’s pretty fucking hilarious to think that someone as rich and, seemingly, as cool as Jay Z is still dealing with wild women trying to kick him with high heels on, right? I’m laughing about it. I mean people are dealing with a lot worse shit in this world than Solange Knowles trying to karate kick them, but that’s still some shit to deal with. Pretty fugging funny.

So yeah…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DANIELLE!!!

I love Danielle and we’re going to get married on top of a mountain or a block from the beach in a hotel in New Jersey, whichever happens first.

And we’re going to Alaska this week. ALASKA. That’s pretty wild.

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3 Responses to “HAPPY BUH-BUH-BUH-BERRRRRFFFFF DAY, DANIELLE!!!”

  1. EVERYONE DO THE CORGI BUTT SHUFFLE RIGHT NOW OR WE’RE NEVER TALKING AGAIN!

    Thank you for the lovely post and gif(t)s. I love you, too!

    Awwwwww…. barf.

  2. tiffanized said

    I am very excited about Danielle’s birthday, and corgi butts, and J-Law’s butt, and Alaska, but SOLANGE. I want to know what caused this. I have had in laws and never once kicked any of them in an elevator while in formal wear. I almost wish I didn’t know about this now because I may never find out why she went spare on Jay-Z and it really bugs me.

    Happy birthday Danielle! I got you a present in the future, but you’ll have to travel in time to get it from me.

  3. NixHaw said

    That corgi. Oh my gosh that just fixed my entire life!

    And I hope you had a great birthday Danielle!

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