Hello!

Two posts in 2 days?!?!?!? UN. HEARD. OF.

Yes, I’m here again. I’m here to talk about the Emmys Red Carpet. Yesterday, I was half-expecting I was going to talk about the MTV Music Awards Red Carpet, but I talked about other stuff and when I looked at the pictures – I didn’t recognize half of them. Thankfully, our need to give celebrities more awards besides monies and fame is so strong that there was another even more grandiose awards show last night that I didn’t watch on top of the of the grandiose awards show that was on Sunday that I didn’t watch. WOOOOO!!! 

As just mentioned like one second ago, I didn’t watch the Emmys. I caught a couple of Vines of it on Twitter, which has got to be the lowest amount of attention one can pay to anything and still call it attention. Literally, 12 seconds. Actually, one of them was an Instagram video, so it’s like 21 seconds. It was the part where I guess Andy Samberg was dressed as Joffrey from Game of Thrones. It was as amusing as anything needs to be for only 15 seconds of video on a 3 inch screen, but not enough to get me to change the channel from BACHELOR IN PARADISE

And, that’s saying a lot because I DO NOT enjoy Bachelor in Paradise. Why is there so little worthwhile entertainment on Monday? It’s like it’s a conspiracy! 

What happened on Bachelor in Paradise?

Do you remember Clare from Juan Pablo’s season? Well, she still looks good in a bikini and she still seems crazy. Most of the episode was cementing that knowledge in your head as I don’t think there was a single shot of Clare not in a bikini and her entire story arc was talking to some nearly 30 year old man who was wearing his snapback hat backwards and talking to him like he is at all ready to start a family or fall in love or do anything besides work on his lat muscles and text his ex-girlfriends that he was on TV. 

Then there was Michelle. Michelle whose last name is Money. Michelle Money. Could you imagine trying to talk to someone named Michelle Money? I couldn’t and I have a very active imagination – a caterpillar driving a car and the caterpillar is wearing glasses. Back to the point at hand, Michelle is either acting like a lunatic or talking about being a mother or both. In last night’s episode, she caused this huge fuss at the end of the episode by telling everyone this “juicy” gossip that dumbass AshLee – dumbass because she spells her name that way and dumbass because she thought there were spots on the island where cameras couldn’t see her or where the microphones couldn’t be picked up… YOU’RE ON A REALITY TV SHOW’S ISLAND COMPOUND THEY CAN SEE EVERYTHING!!!! – told her because she did it.

AshLee talked shit on Clare and thought she was OK to do it because she thought there were only like 4 cameras on this island and she wasn’t by any of those 4. The guy she was talking said shit to her pointed out another camera and then that’s when idiot AshLee realized that the TV show she’s on probably heard her say that shit. And so what? It’s not like this show is live streaming into everyone’s heads. Clare won’t find out for months! Either way, AshLee freaked out and told everyone and Michelle made sure to tell everyone again and add in that they should give a fuck because AshLee is bad news. 

With all that being said, Graham – last name Bunn? Seriously? – who is this 35 year old dimwit who for whatever reason is connected to AshLee even though they are NEVER seen talking to each other… he gets all pissy when he finds out AshLee talked shit on Clare. Like epicly pissy. Like when the busty blonde with a dumb spelled name went to give him a rose last night, he stormed off set and the show went to a black TO BE CONTINUED screen. That epic level of pissy. Graham’s a moron.

Also, Cody from last season of The Bachelorette showed up and got shot down by Clare and then he put the moves on Michelle and for whatever reason she liked it. EWWWWWWWWW. And a dude named K-A-L-O-N showed up and every girl rejected him. That was great. And Lacy has huge boobs. HUGE. I don’t remember her from Juan Pablo’s season, but I bet she would have done A LOT better with Juan Pablo if she ever showed him those thangs. They’re everywhere on this show. Lacy is not looking to make that mistake twice of not using her huge boobs to her advantage. 

On to the Emmys? SURE!

NEWS FLASH! HALLE BERRY IS GORGEOUS AND WILL ALWAYS BE HOT!

Did you know that Halle Berry is acting on TV? I didn’t. I really didn’t. I wasn’t expecting to see Halle in this slideshow at all. Honestly, Halle should be allowed to walk any red carpet ever because she’s that good looking. I don’t know how old Halle is, but she looks amazing for that age. So, we all agree that Halle is easily one of the most attractive human beings to ever exist or will exist and she could be an alien that shares similar form as humans, but extremely better looking. Right we all agree on that.

This is going to seem unfair, but I didn’t lay out this slideshow that I’m stealing these pictures from…

Yikes. 

Is that a smile? If she’s smiling I guess it’s ok. If that isn’t a smile, it could be a quiet scream for help. Like, is Lena Dunham ok? Does anyone know? Can anyone call her and find out that she’s isn’t a victim of being mind-controlled by someone and the only thing she can do to let us know she’s in distress is by wearing “clothes” that look like this? 

Also, this is just stupid looking. She looks stupid. I mean if she likes it and is happy then great for her and really as long as her and her little boyfriend are happy about it then that’s the only thing that matters, but to me you look like you want to look like an idiot. I know I’m not in love with the show GIRLS, but even if you are – isn’t there a limit on the “genius” of Lena. Sure, she’s young and woman and apparently we’re supposed to be so surprised there are young and funny women in the world, but once we get past bowing down to her for that – this “dress” looks like soft serve ice cream throw up. Like the throw up where you scratch something on the way up to retch and there’s some blood in it. 

If Lena wears this to troll the whole idea of awards shows then I guess good for her. But if this is “fashion” then I can definitely be a fashion designer because there is no way in hell that I could put her in clothes that are less flattering than this. 

Still flashing that tat though. No matter what dress or shirt or sack Lena wears – that dreamcatcher shoulder tat is being shown off like it’s a fucking work of Mona Lisa like art. 

Yahoo! gave this dress a D. I give it a double D because Katherine Heigl is showing off some tittays! 

No euphemism or metaphors there. 

Is Katherine Heigl on a TV show? Either way, I don’t see what’s so bad about this dress. It looks like something Helen Mirren would wear and people would drench themselves in their own splooge over it. I guess because Heigl is half Mirren’s age then it’s not for her, but I don’t mind it at all. So, I guess it’s an older style, but a D? Jeez. 

She’s the best. 

Julia Louis-Dreyfus is a rare talent. She’s funny. Like actually funny. She can make dialogue sound funny, she can do physical comedy, and she does them both all the time without people even noticing. When people think of physical comedy, they think of Chevy Chase tumbling down a flight of steps or Chris Farley jumping through a table. That’s an aspect of physical comedy. There’s also physical comedy that is more subtle, more real, and is actually ACTING. Like if Julia is playing a character who feels uncomfortable she not only says the uncomfortable dialogue, but she changes her speech patterns, her facial expressions change, her posture changes, she does something with her hands, she actually does SOMETHING to show she’s uncomfortable. She’s not just standing there and saying the words in front of a camera, which is really about what 90% of the actors do. 

And she’s looking great here and she’s been hot for like 30 years now, so she’s the fucking best. 

Danielle and I watched ENOUGH SAID the other day. It’s solid. I liked it. I liked it a lot. I thought they were all great in it. She’s great in it. Great. It’s not a big performance, but she nails this performance in the small movie that they made. Gandolfini and Keener were great and that girl who looked like Michelle Williams – Tavi Gevinson who played Chloe – I thought she was really good too. I enjoyed it. 

VEEP is the best show on TV and I would definitely watch Julia in more movies.

 

Is this a post-partem thing? Odd judgement in the face of being recently unpregnant? 

Kerry Washington is a very attractive woman and it appears that whoever the designer is forgot they were making a dress for this pretty lady until 15 minutes before she showed up. Just grab some orange, cut it in half, wrap it around her, glue the top half together, throw some glitter on the extra glue that you used, and… wait a minute… the gap for legs to move is too big that it would show off her chooch! Hmmm… ok, throw on these glittery black hot pants that were in the garbage a minute ago. EXCELLENT! Now, go on TV!

Fark. 

As you can guess, Yahoo! gave this dress a BONER. WOOOOO!!!

It was an A and deservedly so because Sofia Vergara is in it. Honestly, they should have had Lena and Sofia switch dresses to see if even Vergara could make that shitty dress look fucking hot. 

You don’t really have to be a genius to dress Sofia – tight everywhere and then let her boobs breathe… done.

This got an A-. I’m kind of whatever on it. It looks kind of flat and drab, but whatever. The top is fun, but the closer you get to the floor with your eyes the life just gets sucked out of it. 

For a second I thought that the daughter on The Leftovers was Julianna’s daughter, but it’s Andie MacDowel’s daughter. Ugh. I hate that chick. Not Andie, but her daughter. In real life she could be fine, but she is the fucking worst on that TV show.

Either way, nothing to do with Julianna. Looking good Julianna.

There she is!

The dress and lady everyone was talking about at least on my twitter feed. And, yeah, she looks great. 

If you didn’t know, little cherubic angel kid actress turned sassy sexy country girl actress Hayden has copulated with a Ukrainian giant and has their spawn growing inside her tummy, which she is caressing. Hayden’s glowing, her boobs are showing, and everybody was happy, right? Right! Ok.

Hey Robin, someone stole the back of your jacket.

I feel like Robin should have kept joking all night how drafty it was in there.

I really hope this is where pants suits are going and in 2016 this is what H-Rod Clinton will be sporting during her Presidential run.

Also, is it just me or does she look like David Bowie more than looking like Robin Wright? Maybe she saw that David Bowie Showtime documentary and got inspired.

This just looks heavy to me. Honestly, could January Jones fit into a seat at the theater? I can’t imagine she could in all of that. And as much attention they pay to the dress, it just looks like she has some ratty bangs.

If Elisabeth Moss is wearing red too then maybe the Mad Men women are planning something!

Christina looks good. Next time just caught off that one shoulder strap and give the people to your right a shot at the money makers as well. And, I feel like her hair should have been up. I don’t know if that is part of my Kinsey-scale showing through or what, but I’m not feeling the hair being down like that.

Viola!

This woman right here knows how to dress! This is how you pitch a show too. Viola’s on maybe the 678th murder explanation show on TV and she’s selling it to you with her bosom. Her beautiful bosom of murder explaining.

Nick Kroll is a lucky man. They’re still together, right?

Either way, Amy Poehler is showing off the goods in this disco queen dress. I like it. I really don’t like the big poofy dresses and I don’t like the dresses with all this nonsense that looks like it is stapled to it and I like boobs. So, that’s what we’re getting here. It’s shiny and I like shiny things too. Also, it looks like whoever did Amy’s hair was not a mental patient like whoever did January Jones’ hair or several of the other women. Well done, Amy.

Also, Amy – I’m talking directly to you – I’ve been watching your brother’s show WELCOME TO SWEDEN. It’s alright. I’m more or less supporting it because it is your brother and because Will Ferrell was on an episode, but I just wanted you to know that.

Where are the boobs? I know I’m a broken record on this, but they’re about the best fashion accessory for a dress ever. A great butt is great fashion accessory as well, but it’s not as classy to accentuate the butt for some reason. Boobs? You can highlight the fuck out of them and everyone or mostly everyone is ok with them. I like Anna a lot and she’s great on VEEP and everything… but she’s hiding her boobs from us in this photographer’s nightmare all white dress against an all white background. She has boobs, but she’s hiding them. 

This got a B. What? I don’t like any of this. 

Does that even look like Zooey to you? It doesn’t to me. Where are the bangs and the eyes? And then this tube like prom dress. I don’t like it. 

Bam! Boobs. And… guns. Look at the arms on LaVerne Cox. I mean she’s doing well for herself, but that is an unfortunate name to me. LaVerne is harsh name. What if her name was Cheryl? Right? Doesn’t that just seem better to begin with? I mean we don’t even need to change the last name. Cheryl Cox. There’s some alliteration there. Peter Parker, Cheryl Cox. It’s nice. You can whisper Cheryl. You can’t whisper LaVerne. 

The cape is interesting and probably not something I would have thought, but you’re telling me that I would have done too much different if I was designing a dress? We’re going to feature huge boobs and your sinewy arms. That’s easy arithmetic right there.

 

Ugh.

Danielle said that this dress looked like pubes. Yes, pubes. And now getting a second look at it, pubes speckled with blood. Phenomenal.

I thought it looked like spiders when I saw it and the red was the spider markings or red beady spider eyes or something, but either way – it was not good. Not good.

Seriously, why would you want to wear a dress that is just a mess of netting? Like 1000 hairnets stapled together. After you wear the dress, you could catch some tuna out on the water for dinner. 

Fuck these people.

See! This isn’t rocket science! You’ve got a woman… actually, you’ve got an actress who is on TV and 99.9999% of them are going to be good looking. So you make a dress that fits her body and at the same time shows off she has a body – a woman’s body. And then the “tricky” part, make sure you can see some boobs. BINGO! PRESTO! She looks wonderful!

As for those in charge of make-up and hair? Don’t make her look like a crazed meth head, ok? Make her look like a clean, happy person and BINGO PRESTO – she looks wonderful. 

Fuck! Is it that difficult?

Crazy Eyes – you look wonderful.

This is the absolute best that Kaley Cuoco has looked on any of these red carpet events. I can’t believe Yahoo gave this a C+ because for Kaley this is like an A++++++ because usually she wears something that is a cross between what Lena Dunham and Kelly Osbourne are wearing. 

I’m not loving the layered netting nonsense. But she’s got a corset on that’s showing off some boobs and skin and whoever did her hair and make-up didn’t make her look like a corpse bride like she usually goes for. Hey, Kaley, you’re a pretty blonde and you’re semi dressed like one – congratulations.

I’m not really into this dress at all because it reminds me of a creamsicle and it looks thrown together, but this is pretty good for Sarah. Half the time I feel like they make her up to look like a Bratz doll meets a high end escort. Like if Bratz did a high end escort doll. Like Hookerz. I don’t know. You work it out. She looks less like a Bratz doll than usual. It’s strange because she looks pretty on Modern Family and she looks natural on the show, but on these red carpets they really like to doll her up and she starts to look like Bratz. 

I don’t know why this was only a B+. I think Sarah looks great. Her hair looks glamorous, her boobs look phenomenal, and she won a damn Emmy. Big night for Sarah Silverman. 

This got an A-.

Do you know who that is?

It’s Gwen Stefani. 

I don’t know. I think she looks weird in this. This is one of the better photos of her too. I saw another one and she looked like Dominica Versace and I mean that in all the negative ways that was intended. 

A-? 

HAHAHAH… I just looked at what Yahoo said and they said that this was a Versace outfit. I’M A FUCKING GENIUS! I know what the fuck I’m talking about you motherfuckers! I’ve watched 2 seasons of Project Runway and seen countless pictures of chick celebrities in dresses – I got this shit on LOCKDOWN! 

I like it. It’s fun and playful and if Bowen’s not going to show off her incredible legs then this is at least nice to look at. 

But… what the fuck Bowen? Seriously, with all the women out there doing that leg through the slit of their dress thing – you would think Bowen would do it. When she’s on late night talk shows, she’s basically in a t-shirt and no pants that’s how much legs she’s showing off, but here – you can’t see shit. 

So, maybe I don’t like it as much as I thought. It’s nice though and different, but more legs are needed. ALL THE LEGS!

Where are the boobs, Rauch? We know you’ve got them. Stop hiding them from us! 

The rest of it is nice. I mean it fits her nicely and all that jazz. Nice hair and she’s showing off shoulders and all that. 

Lastly…

Kate Mara looks thoroughly unhappy AND she’s smiling. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

I don’t get it. Well, maybe it is that they’ve colored in her eyes and several inches around them to be a dark black like she’s been possessed by a demon. That might be it. Then they curled her hair around her face to create more shade as if she’s like some faceless phantom who doesn’t want her secret known. THEN they put her in a nearly all white dress like she’s a ghost bride haunting the red carpet. 

So, yeah. 

Something happened to Kate Mara where she doesn’t like glow with life anymore. Maybe it was that stint on Entourage or American Horror Story, but there was a time when Kate Mara looked alive. On House of Cards, it might as well have been revealed that her character was already dead before she became dead because she looked like she had been surviving on a diet of two croutons and a cup of coffee grounds. 

Anyway… that’s the red carpet.

Boobs win again. 

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It’s true.

I’m not even doing it in a dirty/nasty way or something.

Like, I’m not slapping my ass while sipping on champagne. I enjoy drinking it so much that at times I feel like I should be slapping my own ass while doing it.

Like, I’m not pinching my nipples – my guy nips – while sipping on that champagne. I enjoy it so much that at I times it would be apropos for me to pinch my nippies while doing it.

Like, I’m not pouring on my naked bicep then licking it off to get my bubbly fill. I enjoy it so much… nah, I don’t think it would ever be enjoyable to lick champagne off my bicep. Probably catch a rash doing something like that.

But – people seem to enjoy the hell out of me drinking champagne.

People notice it, make note of it, and it gives them a motherfucking smile on their face!

It’s true. It’s true.

I guess it has to do with image of a champagne drinker and that I’m not that image personified at all.

Not many people picture a dude my size height or stomach girth to be drinking that bubbly and then they don’t picture him drinking upwards of 20 glasses of it and all of that makes those peeps smile. Toothy smiles!

Anyway…

That’s what happened over the weekend as I went to a wedding with Danielle and as I’m want’em to do – I drank like 18 glasses of champagne. And, I would order them two at a time. Sometimes, that second glass was for Danielle. Sometimes, that second glass was for me as well as the first glass. But they didn’t need to know that.

You know who also loves champagne?

Bill Murray. BILL MURRAY. And, I don’t drink champagne because Bill Murray drinks champagne. It’s just something Bill and I have in common. Bill Murray and I have things in common. And, Bill was asked once about his champagne drinking habits and how he can drink so much of it. His “insight” was to make sure the champagne is always cold – always – and to drink it with ice. Ice! That’s his “pro tip”. Because the ice keeps it cold and the ice melts and you get some of that much need water in your system as well as the champagne.

I have not gone out of my way to keep up with this routine of ice in the champagne, but I do make sure to drink lots of water when I’m drinking lots of other stuff. But it’s a good tip. You need that water in you because booze does dehydrate you. Water. Champagne. Champagne. Water. Just keep it flowing in you.

HOW HAS EVERYONE BEEN?!?!?!?!?

I know it has been awhile since I last posted, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think about you – Yes, YOU! – a lot. I think about you. I imagine you. I imagine you petting puppies. I picture you smelling flowers. I see you listening to Iggy Azalea’s “Fancy”. I daydream about you eating frozen yogurt. I hope you’re staring at my post about Meshach Taylor and hitting refresh waiting until I post again. All that stuff. It boils down touch, smell, hearing, tasting, and seeing. The 5 senses, y’all. Never forget ’em. 

What else has been going on though?

Well, for awhile, the world was falling apart. Yep.

Robin Williams killed himself. Cops killed everyone else. And, ISIS stopped being the funny fake secret agency on Archer and became a real live not funny murderous group of assholes killing everyone their jeeps come across. 

All I have to say about that is whatever cops – and it seems like all of them nowadays – we catch doing awful shit, they should be immediately shipped to Iraq and Syria to take on ISIS. Like if you’re that officer who was just caught on his own dashcam beating up a woman on the hood of his car in broad daylight with a few other cops watching, well all y’all are getting a free vacation to Northern Iraq. Like right at the Iraq/Syria border. 

It’s like how back in the day at colleges where the football team would just recruit people on campus. They see some kid playing frisbee who is 6’3″ and he lays out for a catch in the middle of the quad. Guess what? You’ve got an invitation to be on the team and try out for tight end. Do you want to threaten protestors with an AR-15 in Missouri? Try threatening some extremist militia in the middle east instead of helping turn our police into an extremist militia because in some areas of our country that’s what they’re turning into. 

What else has happened?

Preseason NFL football. The biggest dick tease of them all.

I’ve watched a couple games and bits and pieces of others, but it’s tough to watch. It’s like watching football from another universe or watching a friend play videogame football. Are you that interested in who is winning or losing? Is this really a good proving ground for what’s going to happen in the season? I don’t know. It’s been going on for decades and no one knows. It’s just weird, but it means one thing – actual football is right around the corner.

So, what’s happened during the preseason?

Well, Johnny Football hasn’t been anything special. That’s for sure. His stats are nearly identical to the stats of Brian Hoyer who he is competing against for that starting job. Nearly identical, but worse. Since you may have never heard of Mr. Hoyer let me make mention that he was an UNDRAFTED quarterback out of Michigan State who has bounced around a little in the league as a back-up. He was undrafted. Meanwhile, Mr. Football over there was the Heisman trophy winner and a first round draft pick. So, he’s been nothing special. 

Manziel did get sacked by Michael Sam the other day. Yes, that Michael Sam. Yes, the gay one.

And fuck yeah to Michael Sam for sacking Senor Rat Face. Got to love Michael Sam. Got to hope Michael Sam because one bad ass fatherfucker on the field. Got to. Wouldn’t it be great to live in a world where the baddest dude on the field who is barking at the quarterback like “I’m going to fuck you up!” actually means it and could get his penis rigid and have sex with that man’s butt? Maybe that’s just me that thinks that would be great, but whatever.

Will Michael Sam help gay rights or at least the perception of gay people? Sure. I mean him being gay and him being able to sack Johnny Manziel have absolutely nothing to do with each other. I mean it does show that openly gay people can play in the NFL, if they’re openly gay and just so happen to be 6’2″, 260 pounds of gay muscle with a mix of speed and technique in there as well. He’s a big inspiration to the genetic freak huge gay guys out there I’m sure. 

I’m rooting for him nonetheless.

Seattle looks like they’re going to win another Superbowl. There may need to be a rule implemented that they’re only allowed to play 10 guys on defense or if they have an 11th then he has his hands tied behind his back or something.

Chicago looks bad. Not bad ass, but bad. Same with Dallas. I don’t see Dallas or Chicago doing much this year. I keep catching their games and they don’t look good. I’m not expecting a whole hell of a lot from Atlanta either.

HARD KNOCKS!!! I love Hard Knocks. Atlanta is this season’s team and they don’t look that great. Their defense looks wildly suspect. Their offense looks like it might need to score 40 points to win a game and their offensive line looks brittle. They have several high quality wide receivers, but it is an awful lot to put on a team to throw a ton of touchdowns because no one else is pulling their weight. Nevertheless, I have been enjoying the show. I enjoy watching Bryan Cox smoke cigars and tell his players they can’t date his daughter. I enjoy watching Mike Tice strut around like he’s Tony Soprano. I enjoy learning about Harry Douglas. Boy, do I love learning about his analretentive ass and the weird way he bowls. Yes, bowls. 

I don’t know if the Jets found Dimitri Patterson, but only the Jets would have a player go AWOL on them for like 4 days including a game at home against the Giants. 

Chargers have looked good. Broncos have looked good. Jadeveon Clowney has looked good – not sure about the Texans in general though.

As for my Steelers… our running back tandem of thunder (Blount) and lightning (Bell) got themselves arrested for smoking herb and for a DUI. So, what the fuck. They haven’t looked good in the preseason. I hope they can turn that around in a couple weeks, obviously. 

WHAT ELSE?

Television…

Danielle and I watched Halt and Catch Fire. It surprisingly got renewed. Honestly, the show got better as it went on, but it ain’t great. I doubt it will have a third season, but I’ll watch the second season. It was interesting enough and well acted enough, but not a lot is happening. It needs to get more intricate with its writing and stop having every episode feature someone reaching an epiphany 6 minutes before the episode ends.

The Leftovers… Honestly, I hate it. They sadly got renewed and I doubt I’ll watch next season. I might, but I doubt it. I have never watched a television show where I’m not rooting for anyone. I’m rooting for the writers to kill everyone off and replace them with people that I could actually give a fuck about. I hate all the characters. HATE. ALL. OF. THEM.

Is it Damon Lindelof’s fault? He’s the mastermind behind this, right? I loved LOST. So, what happened? I feel like maybe J.J. Abrams or Jeffrey Lieber or Carlton Cuse or someone else was the guy who knew how to make characters likable because Lindelof seems incapable of doing that in this show. 

I have so many questions while watching The Leftovers, but none of those questions concern people disappearing into thin air. I have questions like who the fuck am I supposed to be rooting for? Who am I supposed to care about? Why is Justin Thereoux wearing eye-liner? Does Justin Thereoux’s character do anything as a cop? Shouldn’t the chief of police have more on his plate? Why is the mayor sexing a man twice her age? How did these Asian girls not realize they were all Wayne’s sex toys that he was impregnating? SERIOUSLY, HOW WAS THAT NOT A SHOCK!!!?!?!?!?!?! 

Have you seen the show? If you haven’t bear with me here… at the beginning of the show, a cowboy kind of looking fellow is taken to a ranch in the hills of Nevada or Utah or something. And the compound is heavily guarded by white dudes with machine guns. Inside this place, the cowboy was paying a lot of money to see some black guy named Wayne who was clearly the leader of this outfit. Like a religious cult leader. Either way, at this compound, there was a pool party scene of Asian chicks like a dozen to two dozen of them in bikinis hanging out by the pool. 

From that description alone… what do you think is happening? Is he running an ultra high end nail salon? Or is it that the black guy who is in charge of all this shit is banging all those Asian chicks? The latter. Maybe the former too, but the latter is definitely. THEN we see a scene where the black guy – Wayne – interacts with one Asian chick and he has his hands on her butt and they kiss and then we find out she’s preggers with Wayne’s baby. 

Ok. Not a surprise, right? None of this is surprising, right? As mentioned, there were like 2 dozen Asian chicks. We only follow one of them as she escapes this shoot out raid of the compound with the boring step-son of Justin Thereoux. At no point, does boring step-son or the Asian chick show that they know he was impregnating all these other Asian chicks as well. So, what? He just so happened to have 2 dozen Asian chicks in bikinis just for the hell of it and was monogamous with one of them? Is that what they think was happening? Why would they think that? That’s against any form of logic – human logic, dolphin logic, dog logic… you know? 

Eventually, the stupid step-son meets another one of those Asian chicks down the road and finds out she’s pregnant too and it’s a shock to him. Why? It’s a shock to her that the other Asian chick is pregnant? Why? I get that Wayne may have lied to her and said, ‘You’re special. You’re the only one.’ But c’mon! Lindelof must be fine writing the dumbest characters to ever on television that they don’t suspect that Wayne could be having sex with all of the 2 dozen Asian chicks in bikinis who are hanging out by his pool for the sole purpose to hang out with him. It’s just fucking stupid. That’s not a switch-er-roo or a curveball or a mystery. It’s pure stupidity that his characters could not put 2 and 2 together. What the fuck were 2 dozen Asian chicks doing in bikinis at this guy’s house? 

Stupid.

The people at The Daily Planet were stupid seeing pictures of Superman and then seeing Clark Kent and not being able to imagine that one is the other with glasses on/off. And, these people on The Leftovers are equally as stupid.

I just really do not like the show. Scene by scene I don’t even like the show. Like what was with last night’s incestual over/under tones. What son at like 20 something years old has a conversation in only their underwear with their mom while lying in bed with her touching his arms? Mom and son who are about to have sex. That is not how people talk. 

Also, I don’t know about how you people are with your siblings, but I don’t even remember a time in my life where my sister and I would talk or hang out and be draped all over each other. Is this what TV and movies think siblings are like? Is the movie and TV industry somehow filled with only only sibling people and this is how they imagine brothers and sisters act with each other?

Brother: Hey, sis, *approaches from behind and wraps his arms around her entire upper body and then holds this position* what are you eating for breakfast?

Sister: *giggles with glee* You’re so silly, bro. *Nuzzles head against her brother’s arms and chest and smells his musk* I’m having eggs. 

Brother: *kisses sister on cheek then forehead then strips ass naked* I love eggs!

– end scene –

That’s what The Leftovers is like and a thousand other shows. Totally normal brother sister interaction, right? 

Oh yeah, we’re also watching The Knick. It’s whatever. It feels like they had an idea for AN episode and now they’re stretching it into a television show. Or more so, they had AN idea for the beginning of a show and, now, we’ve watched like 4 episodes of that beginning of a show. I feel like it’s the Knick as Groundhog’s day. I GET IT. Clive Owen does drugs, the nurse wants to fuck him, the black doctor gets no respect, every patient dies no matter what their ailment is, the hospital costs more money than it earns, and no one talks to each other. 

So… yeah…

That’s what I’ve been up to.

Also, Danielle and I took our engagement photos in a field of sunflowers and surprisingly didn’t get stung by a thousand bees. 

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