Movies I saw from 2014 – part deux

January 30, 2015


On the previous installment of Movies I saw from 2014, I talked about movies I saw from the year two thousand and fourteen. BOO-YAH! This installment of Movies I saw from 2014, I will AGAIN talk about movies I saw from 2014!!! OMG-izzle!!!! WOOOOO!!!

Last time, I did talk about the art of moon-ing or lack there of. As far as childhood things that have fallen from my life, splinters seemed like a daily occurrence growing up, the need to know American Indian trivia was a must in early elementary school, and the Titanic was oddly a big subject early on in elementary school as well for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Why on Earth would we need to know about the Titanic? It was as if my schooling was preparing me for the eventual James Cameron romantic epic.

Also, I did see earlier this week that THE WANTESS HERSELF!!!! was nominated for a Cesar award making her the first American actress to be nominated for a Cesar award in THIRTY YEARS. That’s fucking amazing, right?

Kristen got nominated as best supporting actress for her role in Clouds of Sils Maria or just Sils Maria if you’re like bros with the movie or whatever. I haven’t watched the movie, but I did skim through it and I think it looks like a solid outing by K-Stew. She’s got her over-sized hipster seeing glasses on, which she can pull off. AND, the porcelain vase of all that is want did show off her glamorous ass while wearing a thong… so that right there deserves some fucking award from some fucking country!

Honestly, in the past year, Kristen Stewart has amazingly transformed herself into a legit actress… and, at the same time, I have not seen any of the seemingly legit movies she’s been in – Camp X-Ray, Sils Maria, and Still Alice. I’m planning on watching all three at some point in my life, but I haven’t gotten to them yet.

This year or at least in the future, Kristen is in three movies – two are futuristic love stories I believe and one is a smaller movie about how a college reacts after a violent mugging of a teacher. They could all be good or they could all suck or 1 of 2 or 2 of 1 or that’s really it.

Anyway, I still think they need to put that chick – Kristen Stewart – into a comedy and have her play a character to how most people already view her — smokes weed, kind of crazy, kind of sad/serious, spastic, complicated love life with men and women — and let the cameras roll. Honestly, I think she would nail it.

So… should I talk about movies or what… LET’S DO IT!!

13. Godzilla

Good. It’s an interesting take on the Godzilla movie idea. It’s kind of like the movie “Twister” where you’re really hanging out the camera crew following these tornadoes and you’re learning about their emotional arcs and such. Now, picture Helen Hunt as Bryan Cranston or if it’s sexier to you picture Bryan Cranston as Helen Hunt. A person who is obsessed with this destructive force because they lose loved one(s) to it. The kid from “Kick Ass” is Bill Paxton pretty much, and Elizabeth Olsen is just eye-candy. The movie has some great CGI and really makes these radioactive monsters seem terrifying and awe-inspiring. I will say the movie’s end clash is pretty dark like literally tough to see what’s happening at points, but it’s pretty cool nonetheless.

14. X-Men: Days of Futures Past

I don’t know if humans of the world want to fuck Hugh Jackman as much as director Bryan Singer does, but that’s what half of this movie is. Seriously, are you all into Hugh Jackman? Like roided-up, striations on his plentitude of muscles on his 46 year old body? I don’t know if that’s a positive or a negative to you, but this movie was stupid. I dislike Bryan Singer as a director and I especially dislike these X-Men movies. Wolverine is boring. They’ve made Wolverine boring and a reluctant action star. He sucks. Wolverine is not good at fighting in any of these movies and instead gets his ass kicked and gets his ass kicked and just doesn’t die and at some point his claws just find themselves into a person who can die. And, the movie is much like Singer’s other movies where it kind of just ends with a bunch of talking and no real battle. Things happen, most of them don’t matter, it’s long, and it ends setting up a sequel of the exact same stakes that the movie started with.

15. Edge of Tomorrow

Great. See this movie! Out of all the summer action blockbusters, I found this the most enjoyable – BY FAR. By far. And, yes, I did see “Guardians of the Galaxy”. This was better. The “live, die, repeat” gimmick in this movie is well conceived with great pacing, fun additions each time, and is just fucking enjoyable. Cruise is great as a coward who becomes a hero, Emily Blunt is great as an anime-like ninja woman and, honestly, it never gets old seeing Blunt do the slow roll up from her upward facing dog yoga pose, and the action set-pieces look and feel great. Sure, the movie has an ending you could guess a mile away, but the ride is fun. The name is stupid, the trailers didn’t look good, but, honestly, if you like movies anywhere remotely like this movie then it’s worth the watch. Do you remember how disappointingly bad “Oblivion” was? It’s the anti-thesis.

16. 22 Jump Street

Fuck yes. FUCK! YES! This was easily the comedy of the year for me. I watched it on an airplane to London then I watched it again a week later on the return flight and I kind of just watched Danielle’s screen when she was watching it and I was listening to music, but I remembered the jokes, so I was laughing. I saw it THREE TIMES in a week and I laughed all three fucking times. I didn’t really like 21 Jump Street that much, but the satire/making fun of themselves in this sequel was absolutely perfect for me. I don’t hate to admit it after this year, but I’m a Channing Tatum fan. He’s made a fan! Dude has the talent to make movies for everyone. I’ll stick by saying as a movie Magic Mike was stupid and that’s the director’s fault… anyway… fucking loved 22 Jump Street and I cannot wait until it starts playing on HBO, so I can watch it all time.

17. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

First, I liked it. It’s definitely enjoyable and fucking absurd and has really wild action scenes and is a solid movie. Second, I watched this on the same flight as the above and it was just after Danielle and I watched Noah and there are A LOT of similarities with these movies. And that’s not surprising if you’ve saw the first of these movies as they make Cesar – the main monkey – out to be this Moses/Jesus kind of character and I’m all for it. Honestly, I really like these movies. I think Rise should have sucked and it was really great. Dawn also had a huge chance of sucking with it being a sequel, with it being a CGI monkey movie, with the change in director… but it’s easily one of the best big budget action movies in awhile. I love that this movie was still pushing a pretty Biblical storyline too. Fuck yeah, I mean make this shit epic. As far as CGI movies and such, I am thoroughly BLOWN THE FUCK AWAY by these past two Planet of the Apes movies. Big fan and I’m not a big fan of the original Planet of the Apes or any of that. But these Andy Serkis CGI things are great.

18. Guardians of the Galaxy

I liked it, but not anywhere near as much as everyone else – apparently. I was talking to Danielle about this the other day, it was a better version of The Avengers. I didn’t like The Avengers, but GOTG was a more enjoyable and definitely a funnier version of that movie. Overall, I wasn’t blown away by the movie. I really wasn’t into almost any of the action scenes. I thought there was a ton of stereotypical garbage in the movie like Ronan not killing Drax and just throwing him in some goo and then later Ronan becoming all powerful to the point he can destroy planets, but then he just kind of pushes people around and doesn’t just blow everything up and… I don’t know… none of the action scenes were interesting to me. I liked Groot like everyone else and Rocket had some good lines, but, in general, I wasn’t blown away by it like others apparently were. It was fine. I’ll see the sequel, but I’m not biting my fingernails in anticipation.

19. The Expendables 3

Terrible. Obviously. For the life of me, I cannot imagine any person making the movie is there trying to make the best movie they can and instead are talking about the movie like accountants… “Well, we can get this X location for Y amount of money for 3 days and shoot Z amount of scenes, so figure out Z scenes at X location and keep in the Y’s budget.” In my head, that’s exactly how these Expendables’ movies are made, I know I’m right about that, and that’s exactly how accountants talk. Do you want to know how bad this movie is, there was a point where I thought they were on an airplane and I’m like 100% positive they were on an airplane and it turned out they were in a truck. All these movies are bad. They are clearly constructed around bringing each actor only in for like 3 days at a time and it’s just shit. It’s not that these movies couldn’t be good, they totally could be, but they’re not and they’re just fucking awful. There is a sequence where they rule out flying to the enemies’ compound because it wouldn’t be stealth and then they spend a few days walking through the woods to only come upon the compound in the middle of the day with a shining sun out and the compound is in the middle of nowhere in this clearing and it’s just one building, so there’s no fucking way they can be stealthy as they just walk right up to the building in the fucking daylight. Why? BECAUSE IT’S CHEAPER TO FILM DURING THE DAY AND TO HAVE THEM JUST WALK UP TO A BUILDING IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE THAN TO PLAN A NIGHT TIME STEALTH SEQUENCE OR THE PLANE DROP OR ANY OF THAT!!! UGH!!! Fuck this movie.

20. Nightcrawler

Pretty great. Jake Gyllenhall is really amazing in the movie and it’s a fun dark thriller movie where your protagonist is the bad guy, essentially. I enjoyed the movie and it’s a first time director, which shows a ton of promise… but… there is most definitely a problem with the score. The music in the movie is fucking atrocious. They must’ve spent all their money on car chases and such and shutting down streets in Los Angeles because the music in the movie is fucking awful. It really detracted from your experience of the movie. I think it’s pretty clear watching the movie that Dan Gilroy was inspired by Michael Mann and that’s cool and all, but that made it almost worse because Michael Mann usually does a great job with his score. Outside of that, I liked the movie a lot. It’s got some pacing problems as most movies do, but some of that may be attributed to the score as well as the music did not help carry me from scene to scene at all. Anyway, I think Jake G. is a great actor and I think this is another under appreciated movie of his that hopefully people will realize is a solid flick down the road.

21. Gone Girl

Fucking nailed it. I didn’t read the book and in total honesty I don’t give a flying fuck about the book. Whatever they were trying to do in this movie, they got it. David Fincher took a previous book I didn’t give a shit about in Girl with a Dragon Tattoo and turned it into a watchable movie, but it certainly had its problems that came from the book and were not fixed in the movie. While this book/movie is more or less an extended episode of Law & Order: SVU — it fucking nailed the fuck out of that and even better – it had a supporting cast the nailed what they had to do. I really feel like this movie didn’t get in its own way and just kind of strolled through the world for your entertainment. I didn’t and don’t want to examine the story that much because I think it’s flimsy like a typical Law & Order: SVU as mentioned. I think everyone was good in the movie though. Rosamund Pike is fucking sexy, is fucking powerful, is fucking larger than life in this movie. Loved her in the movie. As far as sheer entertainment, this was hands down one of the most entertaining movies of the year. I felt like Fincher learned a lot making GWADT and he showed that in this and, more importantly, had fun with it. It was nice to see Fincher show off his wit in the movie. The guy can direct intense and scary and thrilling, but he can do comedy too.

22. John Wick

Meh. None of it makes any sense. It’s a 1000x more complicated than it should have been or needed to be. It’s 100% a demo reel of possibilities than a real movie. It’s also a first time directing job by two former stunt guys, so it’s a billion times better than it should be, but it suffers from so many typical action movie mistakes. Is it that action directors are only watching bad action movies or is it that they just don’t want to make good action movies? I don’t get it. Most actions movies that suck have such obvious problems and those problems are man made. Like having an action sequence where the viewer can’t see shit – whether it’s a shaky camera or the camera is in too close or the scene is set at night and everything is dark including the actors and you just can’t see shit. I can’t tell you how many action movies have been made in the past 20 years where you just can’t see the shit that’s happening and it’s fucking mind boggling that these directors are cool with that. I don’t know. Anyway, the movie is whatever. They could have just made Keanu a retired hitman who owns a dog and the bad guys shoot him and shoot the dog and leave them for dead, but Keanu doesn’t die and he comes back and kills them. First off, that’s enough right there. Instead they muck around and they also call the movie John Wick, which is terrible and almost all of the action sequences are just like “well, this is happening, now”. Could’ve been better by a long shot.

23. Interstellar

Best movie of the year. Without question.

Christopher Nolan is one of the very best directors working or in general. The dude is making his mark on the film industry and I’m fucking loving it and I think the Academy Awards are a bunch of dumb fucks not recognizing it. Interstellar was absolutely as gigantic and awe-inspiring as it needed to be and Nolan fucking nailed it. The score is motherfucking outrageous! Hans Zimmer is a fucking musical genius, actual musical genius. It was so loud in the Imax theater we were in and I was loving this movie to the point that when they bend around the blackhole I was hoping the music would get so loud that I would go fucking deaf. Nolan pays homage to just about every space/sci-fi trope/movie you can think of and nails all of them especially/including 2001: A Space Odyssey, which is insane that anyone could do what Kubrick did in anyway as well as Kubrick did and I think Nolan did it and made it somehow more palatable. I loved it. It’s big and long and just epic as it should have been and I think everyone in the movie nails their roles. Fuck anyone who says otherwise.

24. The Drop

One of my favorite movies this year. I’m going to do a spoiler on this movie in that that cute as fucking hell pitbull puppy doesn’t die in the movie. I’m not going to ruin anything else, but I think a lot of people will avoid seeing this movie because they’re worried as fuck that something bad is going to happen to that dog. This isn’t John Wick. The dog is fine! GO SEE THIS MOVIE. It’s fucking good, real good. Tom Hardy et al are great in this slow-burn psycho movie. It’s a small gangster film with real grit to it and I was 100x more into it than any space robot alien explosion scene from Guardians of the Galaxy. I liked it a whole lot and people should be seeing it.

25. Foxcatcher

It was good. I’m not going to say it wasn’t good. It’s horribly in accurate, but whatever, right? I am not a fan of these “based on a true story” movies, especially when I know any of the “true story”. Seriously, the director – all of them – want to make a movie with a specific story and then they go out and find the “true story” to flesh out their movie and they stamp on “based on”. It’s basically like if you wanted to paint a battleship, you go out and paint your battleship, then you do some research and find a battleship that looks like your battleship, it’s not exactly like your battleship because your battleship is just from your head, nevertheless you write on the battleship in your picture then name of the battleship from your research. Most people would go, great job. People who know that particular battleship would go, well, you’ve got some things wrong here and here and it’s similar to that battleship in some respect, but it’s not really that battleship – it’s a good looking ship, but it’s not the Alabama or whatever. You know? Battleships, right? Fuck yeah. Hmmm… what was I talking about?

Channing Tatum is great in the movie. He should’ve been nominated. Mark Ruffalo is good, but Tatum does a lot more in the movie. Steve Carell is great in the movie. The movie looks great, it feels great. It’s long and drags and flaws like a movie. It kind of just ends when it ends. And, it does tell you a portion of truth that John Du Pont shot and killed US gold medal winning wrestler Dave Schultz who did wrestle at Du Pont’s wrestling ranch where Dave’s fellow gold medal winning wrestler brother Mark Schultz also wrestled for a time. Outside of that, a lot of the stuff in the movie is made up and the movie does not follow the correct time frame in the least bit, but I guess whatever. It’s a fine movie that was good. Not like best movie of the year or anything, but it was good.

I did see a couple other movies since I wrote down the movies I saw in chronological order and I was hoping I would have seen more, but I haven’t, so either way…

26. Birdman

I really enjoyed it. I too felt unfulfilled by the ending. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to take away from the epilogue, but I do feel like the epilogue took the wind of the sails of the rest of the movie and then it just kind of ended. I’m not sure how I would’ve ended it necessarily, but it’s got some major similarities to Taxi Driver’s ending and I’m not in love at all with that movie’s end. Anyway…

Everyone kills it in Birdman. Keaton, Watts, Norton, Stone, Ryan, and, definitely, Galifianakis. They all are great in the movie. The movie itself is beautiful with its wildness and its camera work and its editing and its manic feel and everything. I thoroughly enjoyed watching this movie from the opening credits until like 60 seconds before the movie ended. I love the director Alejandro Inarritu and I love everything he’s made and this is another piece of wonderful art by the man. It’s funny, quirky, intense, weird, wild, and great. I just didn’t like the last fucking 60 seconds and that does bum me the fuck out.

27. Frank

Fucking loved this too. A weird quirky musical comedy with Michael Fassbender in a paper mache head leading an indie rock band. I enjoyed this movie thoroughly. Some of my favorite Maggie Gyllenhall work was in this movie, good shit from Scoot McNairy who I enjoy thoroughly, Domhnail was as good as his name is unpronounceable to me, the casting of Autolux’s drummer as the drummer in the movie, the French guitar player was great… and Michael Fassbender can do everything. Dude is easily one of the best actors out there and I really enjoyed watching him do a physical comedy that ended with what I thought was a fucking excellent emotional musical ending. I loved the ending, I thought the music was great in the movie, and I just dug it. Great shit. Great shit, indeed.

Off the top of my head… these are the movies I still “need” to see in my weird opinion…

Camp X-Ray/Clouds of Sils Maris/Still Alice


Veronica Mars

The Purge: Anarchy

The One I Love

Top Five

The Imitation Game

Inherent Vice

American Sniper


The Hunger Games: Mockingjay part 1

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

Yes, you did see The Purge sequel. I’m not saying it’s at the top of my list or anything, but I’ll end up watching that movie just as I watched the first one. The first one is not particularly good, but it could have been worse.

So, there’s that.

I love you.

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