It’s time to take a trip in the way back machine. Not too far back, but back enough that it is backity back. The way back machine is taking us to a time before the New York Giants Gmen defense made a fool of the Houston Texans offense and their star running back Arian “Master Race” Foster. Way back before Carson Palmer started playing for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and throwing them gaining winning interceptions. Before Peggy Olsen wore another form fitting dress on Mad Men making me question whether or not Elisabeth Moss becoming the new sex symbol on this season has anything to do with her recent public break-up with not all that funny Fred Armisen. Way back before Fred Armisen et al had a second straight unfunny SNL episode – Saturday Night Live is supposed to be funny, right? It is not a science experiment to see how long will it take for NBC to cancel the show? Way back before Nick Diaz put on a 5 round slug fest with KJ Noons and his hair.

Let’s talk about Saturday.

As many of these Monday posts seem to be, my weekend focused around Saturday. All my “activities” were on Saturday, but sitting around a TV and watching football on Sunday is pretty close to a perfect Sunday for me. Sure it could be better. Sure the greatest vanilla ice cream in the world could be made into a more alluring dessert with hot fudge or sprinkles or peanut butter chips or a dusting of another topping, but the vanilla ice cream itself is still the greatest vanilla ice cream in the world. The toppings are not altering its molecular structure of making it a better vanilla – it is just a better dessert. Anyway, Sundays are meant for watching football like God and Jesus sang in the Bible (Holy Ghost on the harpsichord), but sharing that football Sunday drinking mimosas with Chuck Klosterman and the current roster of Victoria’s Secret models would be a better dessert.

Saturday consisted of 4 distinct parts:

1. Oversleeping

Yes, I was well prepared to wake up before 1pm on Saturday, but it was not in the cards. I was planning on attending New York Comic Con and had mapped my route to the event and was all ready to go, but I didn’t. I was supposed to meet someone there, but he said he would’ve been busy. Then I looked at the schedule and nothing really caught my eye. There was going to be a show on “cosplay” which I do enjoy greatly as a spectator sport, but it was at 10am. There is no way I’m waking up and getting into the city to the Javitz center by 10 for the chance to talk about “cosplay”. There better have been a full on orgy of cosplayers depicting every unspeakable act one anime character could do to another anime character while several dozen anime characters also do to that together and there are bubbles.

2. It’s Kind of a Funny Story

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I did eventually get up, eat, shower, get dressed, and leave for New York City. My first call to action was an appointment with an indie film from Focus Features with a Mr. Zach Galifiankasdtuokis. Before getting there, let me just say that I loathe preparing for a day in the city. I know it is seen as perfectly reasonable for men to wear purses… *cough* *ahem*… messenger bags and has been for awhile, but I am anti this. It is just not for me. People load up that bag with a jacket, umbrella, canteen, Swiss Army knife et cetera as if they are going camping. Leaving one’s apartment and going to the city to see a movie should not be an “excursion”. It should be a normal activity. And yet, one has to prepare. I knew that I would be out late and it was fairly warm when I was leaving at 3pm – returning at 3am would be different story, so I had to wear and carry my jacket with me… with my hands! Once that sun goes down, all hell breaks loose! I envy those with their bags when it does rain and I have not packed my umbrella into the pocket of my jeans. I also envy them when a tree falls and they are right there with their hatchet helping making the first set of cuts. Or if a woman goes into labor on the subway and there they are pulling an air mattress, towels, a hot plate, a pot to boil water in, a 20 gallon jug of water, an OBGYN all come out of that bag.

The movie was fine. It was good. Not particularly good. It wasn’t bad either. There were some funny parts, although most of the good stuff is in the trailer. Zach does do a good job in a more dramatic role. But the movie is pretty skin deep when it comes to plot and conclusion. In the end, I don’t think the kid really had any “problems”. He is depressed and thinks of committing suicide, but doesn’t. And he does this after stopping Zoloft prematurely. Maybe the dick should go back on Zoloft? Well, that doesn’t matter because they admit him to the mental hospital without checking with his parents first. After hanging out at the mental hospital for 24 hours, he runs into the ONLY other TEEN in the building who just so happens to be EMMA ROBERTS.

The main character kid is smart, draws really well, can sing, is no more socially awkward than anyone else, has friends and a loving family. What a fuck up, right? And, he is in a mental hospital and runs into Emma Roberts who instantly takes a shine to him. What’s Emma’s problem? She cuts herself. She’s got a few scars on her forearm that she hides with long sleeves. She has three scars on her face that I never noticed in the trailer or in any of the clips of the movie I saw online and are on her left cheek near her jaw line. Oh yeah, what a freak show? This is why this movie is not particularly good because this kids big decision is whether or not to fall in love with Emma Roberts and the cat scratch scar on her face. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? If they wanted to make this a real choice they would have her all carved up like McNulty as Jigsaw in Punisher: War Zone.

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Emma Roberts looks beautiful as ever with these faint three lines on the side of her face. They fall in love. And on top of that, for NO reason at all there is a scene where Zoe Kravitz – thee love child of Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet – throws herself at our protagonist who is not only not mentally screwed up in any way, but is actually the luckiest motherfucker ever. If you don’t know who Zoe Kravitz is then she is a hot multiracial angel.

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Again, not particularly bad, but not particularly good. If you can look past this movie as trying to have any substance to it then it is fine. But the substantive value of this movie is that a kid with little to no problems ends up with Emma Roberts because he checked himself into a mental hospital for 5 days. What a rough fucking life?

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3. ROLLER DERBY

You were not expecting that were you?

After the movie, I caught the F to 63rd and Lexington to venture inside Hunter College’s basement to watch the final season match-up for the GOTHAM GIRLS ROLLER DERBY. I had never been to a roller derby game, match, event before and was eagerly anticipating a scene out of Whip It. I had been warned prior to buy my tickets early because the event would be sold out, so I did and it was. I’m not sure how many people is a sold out show in the basement of Hunter College, but it was sold out and people were packed in there to watch two of their hometown teams do battle with two out of town teams.

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First up: The Brooklyn Bombshells vs. The Providence Pigeons

Needless to say, I was rooting for Brooklyn. But let’s pretend there was a choice in the matter. Would I really want to root for “pigeons” from Rhode Island? No. Why would I want to root for really anything from Rhode Island let alone pigeons? To any readers from Rhode Island, your state is the size of a thimble and is it even an “island”? I’m guessing it could be with rivers and such, but what a lame island. Anyway, I was rooting for Brooklyn and their Bombshells. One reason why I was there that evening was to see one Bombshell in particular who is a roommate of a friend of mine. I won’t say which one she is, but if you were there… she was one of the Bombshells who the Pigeons will have nightmares about for weeks to come.

Roller derby is rough. These girls are really hitting each other. Actually, maybe even worse is when they don’t hit each other and the one lines up to hit the other and the other moves and the first one goes flying into a wall or the bleachers. It is no joke out there with the body checks and shoulder tackles. I wrote not too long ago about how potentially dangerous roller skating for just roller skating purposes can be, now add in a series of other roller skaters trying to clobber you.

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At the first whistle (there is so much whistling in roller derby), I did not know what was going on. The only roller derby I had watched previously was the movie Whip It and I really wasn’t paying too close of attention. But the basic idea of roller derby can be grasped pretty quickly like all sports. In roller derby there are 5 girls for each team on the track at one time – so 10 girls are out there skating in a circle. Two of the ten (one from each team) are called “jammers”. Those jammers are the running backs of the roller derby team. Meanwhile the other 8 girls (4 vs. 4) are the offensive and defensive line of the team. I’m putting this in football terms thinking people will get this analogy – hopefully you do. The jammer needs to get through the pack of girls and pass each member of the opposing team. The first of the jammers to do so becomes the “lead jammer” and from then on is trying to accomplish that task over and over again. Each time the lead jammer gets through the pack and laps the opposing team she scores points.

That is the basic premise of the sport. There are substitutions and jammers are changed out and there is a penalty box and there are other rules and so on and so forth, but just as football is about putting the ball in the end zone – this is about the jammer lapping the pack and doing it first and often. So what happened between the Bombshells and the Pigeons? Again if I could use an analogy of football… it was like Superbowl XXIX between the Chargers and the 49ers where in some dimension of space and time Steve Young is still scoring touchdowns. The Bombshells scored I believe 202 points to the Pigeons scoring 20. If there was a mercy in roller derby it would have been beaten by the Bombshells because they ran wild on the girls from Providence.

Second up: Manhattan Mayhem vs. Suburban Brawl

Again, I was rooting for the home team because in all honesty I was sitting next to the parents of a rookie on the Mayhem. At first, this was much more competitive than the Bombshells game. The score was low and back and forth, but eventually the Mayhem ran away with it in the second half. The first game was played at a much higher speed and the girls were really going after each other. In this game, it didn’t get really rolling until the second half – both sides seemed hesitant at first.

These girls are all competing for the love of this game because they’re not getting paid and they are actually paying to play with travel, dues and equipment. In that regard, it really added to it that I was sitting next to parents and in a college gym because it felt more like a school sport where everyone is running on sheer enthusiasm. Also, I won’t lie – there were a lot of chicks at this event. I mean clearly all the roller derby girls were girls, but a good deal of chicks in the crowd. Although, after spending a couple hours watching girls regularly shoulder check other girls into the first row of the bleachers – I wouldn’t be surprised if hitting on any of the girls in the crowd could result in them hitting you back like with an elbow.

Nevertheless, the Mayhem won. They started to run away with it and the Brawl couldn’t stop them. I think it was 110 or so to 60 or so.

If I had any insight into roller derby that I learned from watching two games of it on Saturday – it has a lot to do with the butt.

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If you are not comfortable with using your butt then roller derby is not the sport for you. If you are not comfortable on roller skates then you really shouldn’t compete in a roller skate sport, but the butt. The butt is a key weapon in the roller derby arsenal. It is used for blocking, it is used for hitting, and it is used as a handlebar for your teammates at times. One cannot grab a hold of another player – unless that player is on your own team. One cannot elbow either. This leaves the body and with said body – the butt. The butt can be used as a hip check or the butt can be used as a bumper to hold back people from getting by. Similar to Nascar, people who are riding up from behind need to get by, but if you shadow in front of them they can’t. Besides the body, the butt can be used with great dexterity by the experienced user.

Also, when teammates are lining up together to create a diagonal wall they usually grab onto their teammates shorts/butt for stability. The butt plays a pivotal role. That and if you have a jammer with Ladainian Tomlinson on his best days juke moves doesn’t hurt either.

I suggest to all of you to find a local league and go see a game. Most of you are women, so support other women. And if you’re a dude and if watching chicks in roller skates shoulder checking each other isn’t appealing to you then we’re probably not friends.

4. Bad Decisions

After roller derby, I grabbed some drinks with friends. But after that, I was hungry. I didn’t eat dinner before roller derby because I’m a stupid head and now it was 1 am or so. I ended up spying Sbarro and that they took credit cards. I ate my last slice of Sbarro pizza on Saturday night and washed it down with a beer because they sell beer and wine there. Ugh, it was disgusting. Never again. Like 9/11 or the Holocaust – Sbarro pizza is never again!

And that was my weekend + laying around Sunday watching football, Mad Men, Bored to Death and Eastbound and Down.

You?

Confucius had a particular question he liked to ask:

How many great decisions have been made during a morning poop?

At least one. Today started out like many other days in my completely unrequested blogging tenure, I had a vague idea of what I wanted to write about. I am a lover of music. A lover of music that is both legal and consensual. Yesterday, Lil’ Wayne’s newest album “dropped”. I heard about it not through my lapsed subscription membership to the Lil’ Wayne fan club aka The Citizens of Lil’ Waynia, but I heard about it from the mighty Yahoo!. Apparently, this album is ONLY available for download. My idea was thus – listen to the album and write while I listen. I would critique the album as well as mention whatever pops into my head while listening to Lil’ Wayne. Everything was going according to plan until I actually started listening to the album.

I will put this bluntly, “I hate Drake.” By “Drake”, I mean the light skinned pretty boy rapper who was once married to Nicki Minaj’s butt. Her beautiful titan butt. I like many “Drakes” in the world. I have a friend named Drake that I enjoy very much and I’m a fan of the English sea captain Sir Francis Drake. But I hate this singing motherfucker “Drake”. I dislike all his songs and him in particular. There are 10 songs on the Lil’ Wayne album and Drake is apart of 4 of them. This did not bode well. Also, Lil’ Wayne isn’t my favorite artist in the world, so I would have to put up with his shit too. I hate Lil’ Wayne’s “I’m an alien” bullshit. As weird as the dude may be, he is just a dude lucky to have survived the streets of New Orleans and not an alien.

I got through the first 2 songs barely and was not at all in the mood to make it through the next 8 songs. I decided to take a bathroom break. While in there I was struck with an idea – why not an educational post instead of forcing myself to listen to this album at 10 in the morning? How about writing about anything that allows me not to listen to this album? So educational post it is.

Something I enjoy doing every once and a while, type a date into Wikipedia and see what happened on that day. It is usually a very random line-up of deaths and court decisions that took place on this day throughout written history. And today is little different. Take a gander at this list and I’ll comment so often.

And in the generation defining words of Lil’ Wayne’s first track “Gonorrhea”, Pussy ass niggas, we don’t want your gonorrhea.

* 48 BC – Pompey the Great is assassinated on the orders of King Ptolemy of Egypt after landing in Egypt.

Bam! Starting this off with some murdah! Am I right? Some government sanctioned mer-duh! Also, I actually know who this is about. Not that I could write an essay about Pompey or Ptolemy at this point in my life, but the fact I remember them at all is somewhat comforting. I have spent so much of my life committing to memory so many other things like the resurrection code in Ikari Warriors II on the original Nintendo that having any knowledge of “school” stuff is remarkable to me.
* 351 – Battle of Mursa Major: the Roman Emperor Constantius II defeats the usurper Magnentius.

See. I have no clue about this. The “usurper” Magnentius? Not the evil or transgendered or swift or tall, but the “usurper”.
* 365 – Roman usurper Procopius bribes two legions passing by Constantinople, and proclaims himself Roman emperor.

I think Wikipedia likes the word “usurper”. I thought this was just an adjective to describe Magnetius in particular, but apparently not. Now everyone is usurping! Hey, Wikipedia – if you like “usurper” so much why don’t you marry it!?!
* 935 – Saint Wenceslas is murdered by his brother, Boleslaus I of Bohemia.

Geez. Takes some balls, evil balls to be exact, to kill your brother – let alone a brother who is a saint. A literal SAINT. Saint Wenceslas. Maybe that’s why he killed him. I bet their parents were always like, “Boleslaus, why don’t you be more I don’t know – “saintly” like your brother Wenceslas… the SAINT!”
* 995 – Members of Slavník’s dynasty – Spytimír, Pobraslav, Pořej and Čáslav are murdered by Boleslaus’s son, Boleslaus II the Pious.

The old murder apple doesn’t fall far from the murder tree at the Boleslaus’ house. It’s like Dexter over there. Also, “Boleslaus’s” is not correct Wikipedia. Check yo’self before you wreck yo’self.
* 1066 – William the Conqueror invades England beginning the Norman Conquest.

Doesn’t the movie Due Date look good? I am pro all things that have Zach Galifaskflknasdf8q98kis in them. Due Date looks good and so does that other movie It’s Kind of a Funny Story which Zach is in and he looks like he does some dramatic acting in it. That is also a terrible name for a movie – It’s Kind of a Funny Story. What in that garbage of a title makes you think of a movie about a kid who goes to a mental hospital and meets Zach and meets Emma Roberts?

* 1106 – The Battle of Tinchebrai – Henry I of England defeats his brother, Robert Curthose.

What type of bullshit is that though? Kid is trying to find some meaning in his life because he is a weirdo and goes to a mental hospital and runs into Emma Roberts. What kind of bullshit is that? Oh yeah, I bet there are just a ton of hot girls who are single at the mental hospital who don’t realize how good looking they are and just need some confident young man to talk to. I’m sure. I’m so sure that I’m looking up the nearest mental hospital.
* 1238 – Muslim Valencia surrenders to the besieging King James I of Aragon the Conqueror.

She’s 19. I mean that’s legal. Don’t get all freaked out. Emma Roberts is 19. I’m not denying she is probably too young for me. I’m not denying that at all. But she is quite attractive coming from that famed Roberts gene pool. Also, I’m pretty sure her dad, Eric Roberts, and I would get along. Outside of me being 27 and her being 19 and him hating me because of that and because I have no level of success to match this daughter and she would be the bread winner of this family… but! I have seen a ton of Eric Roberts’ movies including a lot of the unwatchable ones. He has some Oscar winners in there like Pope of Greenwich Village and Best of the Best – but there are some others… some others that no one should have watched and I have watched them, so we could definitely talk about that and not talk about me with his 19 year old daughter.
* 1322 – Louis IV, Holy Roman Emperor defeats Frederick I of Austria in the Battle of Mühldorf.

Like Sharktopus. Who else saw Sharktopus on “Syfy” this weekend? That was something special. That was one of those poisons that I ingest that I imagine robs the rest of my brain from more knowledge about the Holy Roman Empire. Like I remember some of the HRE stuff, but not much. Not enough. Charlemagne is about it. You don’t see that name much anymore. Charlemagne Jenkins. Charlemagne Robinson. I actually really like the ring of that. If your last name is Robinson or you know a Robinson – tell them to kick around the name “Charlemagne” when they decide to procreate. I think the name is unisex or at least I’m getting that vibe.


* 1448 – Christian I is crowned king of Denmark.

Seriously, call the kid “Charlie”. Who is to know difference between the birth certificate saying “Charles” or “Charlemagne”? I think I just named everyone’s next kid.
* 1542 – Navigator João Rodrigues Cabrilho of Portugal arrives at what is now San Diego, California, United States.

What’s up, y’all!?! Los Estados Unidos are in la casa! Los Estados Unidos son en la casa! I can translate “are in” as well. I have never heard of this guy Cabrilho. I’ve been to San Diego though. If someone brings up San Diego and you never been to San Diego and you don’t feel like telling them that because then they’ll turn into a San Diego tour guide – just tell them you have been there and you went to the zoo. San Diego has a famous zoo. You can lie about everything else on your own from there. That zoo has everything. Escaped monkey? Sure. Escaped pride of lions? Sure!
* 1708 – Peter the Great defeats the Swedes at the Battle of Lesnaya.

Bitch ass Swedes! Punk ass bitch ass Swedes!
* 1779 – American Revolution: Samuel Huntington is elected President of the Continental Congress, succeeding John Jay.

I have really no idea who either of these two men are, but I would have voted for Samuel Huntington over John Jay if I was voting right now and took my existing knowledge of them, which is nada-thing, to make my decision. I have heard the conspiracy theory not to trust a man with two first names. I don’t necessarily subscribe to it, but I don’t necessarily don’t subscribe to it if you catch my drift. Be leery of them, be very Denis Leary of them.
* 1781 – American forces backed by a French fleet begin the siege of Yorktown, Virginia, during the American Revolutionary War.

What’s up now, motherfuckers!?! Bitch ass British motherfuckers! Get off our land. Go home. This is a good time to get into my diatribe about why Americans shouldn’t hate the French. Sure they are dicks, but so are everyone. Everyone is a dick. So, that doesn’t mean you should hate the French. They have been hand-in-hand with us throughout our history in America helping us fight for our independence and the French invented blowjobs supposedly. Boom! I mean which one really is better? America – greatest country ever. Or? Blowjobs. It is kind of a neck and neck race on this one. The French did other things as well, but I’m pretty sure this debate is over with the entrance of blowjobs to this intellectual discourse.
* 1787 – The newly completed United States Constitution is voted on by the U.S. Congress to be sent to the state legislatures for approval.

What! What! Bureaucracy! What up now?
* 1791 – France becomes the first European country to emancipate its Jewish population.

Are we historical butter because we’re on a historical roll! Am. I. Right! Jews, y’all.
* 1844 – Oscar I of Sweden-Norway is crowned king of Sweden.

Boring. What is with all this Swedish noise? Is there a Swedish Wikipedia writer? I get it your country is cool and full of blondes who like to ski. I want to go there. I love Ingmar Bergman and some of your death metal. But your history no one cares about.
* 1867 – Toronto becomes the capital of Ontario.

WOOOOOOO! Party all the time in Canada!
* 1867 – The United States takes control of Midway Island.

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Fuck yeah! Fuck yeah, Midway! Fuck yeah! That’s what you get Midway!
* 1868 – Battle of Alcolea causes Queen Isabella II of Spain to flee to France.

Not that bad of a gig there. Fleeing from Spain to France can’t be that bad. It’s not like she was fleeing from Spain to Detroit, Michigan. That would suck. Fleeing from Milwaukee, Wisconsin to Detroit, Michigan would suck. Also, regardless of what you are fleeing from, once you get to Detroit you will need to flee from Detroit. There is some shit going on in Detroit you need to get away from like now.
* 1889 – The first General Conference on Weights and Measures (CGPM) defines the length of a meter as the distance between two lines on a standard bar of an alloy of platinum with ten percent iridium, measured at the melting point of ice.

FUCK YES! GREATEST DAY EVER! HOLY SHIT! SEPTEMBER 28TH IS THE GREATEST DAY EVER! WE’RE DEFINING METERS UP IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER! THE METER’S BIRTHDAY! LET’S ALL GET DRUNK ON THE METER’S BIRTHDAY! THE BIRFDAY OF THE METER! ALL 100 CENTIMETERS AND SHIT! ALL 1000 MILLIMETERS AND SHIT! BUBBA-BERFDAY TO THE GREATEST DAY BECAUSE IT’S THE METER’S DAY! BIRTHDAY SHOTS FOR METER DAY! HOLY SHIT METER DAY! GETTING ALL CRAZY WITH THE METER DAY!

I wish today was my birthday because this may be the greatest day in human history.
* 1928 – The U.K. Parliament passes the Dangerous Drugs Act outlawing cannabis.

WHAT!?! WHAT THE FUCK!?! WT FUCK!?! I HATE SEPTEMBER 28TH! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE HATE HATE HATE IT!

No weed in Englund? What the bullshit? I hate you 1928 September 28th British people. You all blow goats.
* 1928 – Sir Alexander Fleming notices a bacteria-killing mold growing in his laboratory, discovering what later became known as penicillin.

What!?! I LOVE SEPTEMBER 28th!

That is some wild shit. The English are putting doobies on wanted posters and meanwhile Sir Alexander Fleming over in Scotland is discovering one of the greatest discoveries of all time this side of the French discovering blowjobs. That was a wild day in history. No more good times in England and Alex Fleming is finding the cure for like roughly 80% of things ever.
* 1939 – Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union agree on a division of Poland after their invasion during World War II.
* 1939 – Warsaw surrenders to Nazi Germany during World War II.

Let’s just skip over this.
* 1944 – Soviet Army troops liberate Klooga concentration camp in Klooga, Estonia.

Klooga. I bet you can’t say Klooga without smiling or at least wanting to smile. It is fun to say. Klooga. I bet it is not that fun to live there especially in a concentration camp, but it’s a fun word to say. Klooga. Klooga could be a dessert. A chocolate klooga for the table. I’ll just leave some extra spoons just in case anyone wants some of this delicious klooga.

* 1950 – Indonesia joins the United Nations.

Great.
* 1958 – France ratifies a new Constitution of France; the French Fifth Republic is then formed upon the formal adoption of the new constitution on October 4. Guinea rejects the new constitution, voting for independence instead.

Great.
* 1960 – Mali and Senegal join the United Nations.

Great.
* 1961 – A military coup in Damascus effectively ends the United Arab Republic, the union between Egypt and Syria.

And that was the last we ever heard of military problems in Egypt, Syria or the Middle East. The end.
* 1962 – The Paddington tram depot fire destroys 65 trams in Brisbane, Australia.

That sounds pretty wild and bad.
* 1971 – The Parliament of the United Kingdom passes the Misuse of Drugs Act 1971 banning the medicinal use of cannabis.

What the hell? What is with September 28th, the UK and the hatred of the sticky icky? This is the anti-thesis to April 20th.
* 1973 – The ITT Building in New York City is bombed in protest at ITT’s alleged involvement in the September 11 1973 coup d’état in Chile.

Hmmmm… initially I thought this may have been apart of the Weather Underground bombings, but it appears that it isn’t. I really don’t know much about this at all, but I do know that if you haven’t seen the documentary called The Weather Underground about The Weather Underground then you need to. It is a great documentary.
* 1975 – The Spaghetti House siege, in which nine people are taken hostage, takes place in London.

No idea. But I do know if they make another Rush Hour movie that there should be a fight scene in a “Spaghetti House”. Sounds like it would work.
* 1987 – The beginning of the Palestinian civil disobedience uprising, “The First Intifada” against the Israeli occupation.

Oh, I’m sure nothing bad happened there.
* 1994 – The car ferry MS Estonia sinks in Baltic Sea, killing 852 people.

Not good.
* 1995 – Bob Denard and a group of mercenaries take the islands of Comoros in a coup.

Uhhhh yeah. Bob Denard is a guy you want to read about. He successfully committed four coups in the Comoros islands and was a polygamist. Bob Denard, son! He must’ve woke up really early.
* 2000 – Al-Aqsa Intifada: Ariel Sharon visits Al Aqsa Mosque known to Jews as the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

Probably not a biggie, right?
* 2008 – SpaceX launches the first ever private spacecraft, the Falcon 1 into orbit.

SPACE! Remember when Lance Bass was going into space? Does anyone remember that? I remember seeing something that he actually trained to be an astronaut for a bit. And I mean post boy band. Not pre. At some point after being in a boy band, he decided he wanted to go to space and someone thought that was an OK idea and let him train for some time. As far as I know, nothing came from it. Although he is openly gay nowadays. Go to the moon? Live your life openly having sex with dudes? It’s really a wash right there I’m guessing.
* 2009 – The military junta leading Guinea, headed by Captain Moussa Dadis Camara, sexually assaulted, killed and wounded protesters during a protest rally in a stadium called Stade du 28 Septembre.

Uhhhhh… what? I don’t even want to know how that happened. What a shitty event to end on. Fucking Guinea. Fucking Wikipedia. Fucking September 28th…

Actually… Let’s add two more:

*2009 – Jordan from Kristen Stewart Wants IT while fasting for Yom Kippur posts the first half of his fanfiction for Twilight and all of the world finds peace … minus Guinea

https://kristenstewartwantsit.wordpress.com/2009/09/28/im-depressed-and-im-hungry-fml-part-1/

What? What? What? I’m the greatest.

*2010 – Jordan from Kristen Stewart Wants IT (who is still providing near daily happiness to much of the world) writes about this day and all rejoice and love him for it.

Ok? That’s better.

Amanda Seyfried, Emma Roberts, Blake Livley, and Kristen Stewart Pictures, Images and Photos

Amanda: Stare a whole through you wants IT.

Emma: Coy wants IT.

Blake: Playful wants IT.

Kristen: If these bitches weren’t here I would tear this God damn beach apart with you wants IT.

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