I am a racist. Or, I’m racist.

It has been 26 and a half years that I have roamed this planet under the guise of not being a racist. Finally, at 2am on the F train, heading from 2nd to 14th, a man saw through this charade. He called me a racist. Actually, he insinuated that I hold racist beliefs. I feel like I can finally breathe! This weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Thank you, sir! Thank you, you terribly wise man who believes I “the number one proponent of Taye Diggs being arguably the most widely accepted sexual partner for straight women and gay men alike” am a racist. Whew, I’m glad someone figured this out.

At 2am, I and friends just barely made the F train to take us a few stops north on 14th to then grab the PATH back to holiest sanctuary I know, New Jersey. On the train was your typical motley crew of way past midnight and drunken passengers all trying to get home. Right by the door were two men. One was a young white kid who looked pretty attached to the punk fashion ethos of the late 70’s and early 80’s. Talking to him was a late 30’s, early 40’s black man. Their conversation was odd. The black guy was saying he thought the white kid looked like Steve McQueen. He didn’t. The black guy was drunk and so was the white kid, so he didn’t seem to notice how much he didn’t look like Steve McQueen. But keep that in mind though, the reference of Steve McQueen.

And I see the typo in the below, but I’m not redoing it.

The black guy was dressed in a suit. He was wearing a silver suit with a tie (purple?), leather shoes, a camel colored ¾ length London fog jacket, a scarf, and a driver hat. Needless to say he looked elegant. He looked out of place. If we were at a jazz bar or we were extras in the movie The Cotton Club then he would have looked completely “in place” and I would have looked completely “out of place”. He was older, he was dressed older and he was making Steve McQueen references. All great, but just random.

He turned his attention to me. Now, as mentioned the young white kid in leather jacket, knit cap, ripped jeans, acne, with a wallet chain did not look anything like Steve McQueen. The star of Bullitt and the F train kid both had arms, legs, Caucasian et cetera, but apart from that they did not appear to resemble each other in the slightest. Regardless, that is a great compliment. I do not look like Steve McQueen either, the man recognized this – instead he thought I should have played linebacker for the professional tackle football former Super Bowl winning franchise the New York Football Giants.

I’m a big guy. This is not the first time someone has made a reference to me and football. Usually, I get “offensive line”. I buy that. I did play some football and I did play offensive line. I’m a big white guy with tattoos who more often than not is not clean shaven and in that myself and many offensive linemen are similar. I am nothing like a linebacker. Oh I pray every night that I will wake up jacked with muscles, have a 4.5 40 yard dash, a good vertical leap and a crazy eyed stare that would make most people shit bricks. So, again this well dressed black man who appeared to be all by himself was either real drunk, has naturally bad vision, thought we were operating on an “opposite day” schedule on that F train and/or was a nice man who felt like handing out much much much undeserved compliments. Either way, I thanked him for the compliment, just like a racist would do.

When the train reached the next stop, “Not-Steve McQueen” got off the train. Out of nowhere a white guy around my age took the black guy by the arms and pulled him off the train. It wasn’t violent or anything, but the black guy didn’t seem like he was planning on getting off the train and this white guy who had not said anything to anyone especially said black guy just comes out of nowhere and physically removed the man from the train. On the platform, the white guy proceeds to flippantly say a few things that I could not hear to the black guy and then without a good bye or a handshake or a hug or any gesture whatsoever – the white guy gets back on the train sans black guy.

My friends and I started to laugh. It seemed quite peculiar. I think for everyone standing around it appeared like the really drunk white guy felt the drunk black guy had had enough fun riding and randomly giving out compliments and now he needed to start life anew at the Lafayette-Broadway stop in New York City. It was just odd. They had not spoken or even gestured towards one another. Also, there appeared to be no kind words or friendly parting words. So it was odd and in odd there is laughter. We laughed.

Once our white compatriot re-entered the F train, he noticed me in particular laughing – I was physically the closest to him. He asks “what’s so funny?” And I replied what he just did seemed funny because it didn’t seem like that guy was ready to leave. And he responds “You think it’s weird that a white guy could be friends with a black guy.” Yep. You got me. You nailed me good on that one buddy. Yep, that was exactly it. I’m glad someone finally noticed.

A few things –

1. Fuck that guy. Fuck that guy for thinking he is the first white guy in the history of white guys to have a black guy friend in the 26 years of my life. Fuck that guy with a rusty spoon. Fuck that guy with an AIDS syringe. Fuck that guy with a poster board cutout of Jerry Falwell. Fuck that guy with a poster board cutout of Michael Cera in Youth in Revolt. Fuck him with the full size Michael Cera cardboard cutout as Nick Twisp and then fuck him with the full size cutout of Michael Cera dressed as Francois Dillinger. Fuck that guy.

2. What fucking city was that subway ride in? Was there a Confederate flag on the wall? Were we even south of the Mason-Dixon line? No and no. We were in NEW YORK CITY. And in New York City, I’m not comfortable with black guys and white guys interacting? Is that the case? I’m not saying there is no racism in New York City, but there isn’t that racism. I wouldn’t have laughed or giggled seeing a white guy and a black guy interact if I was racist in New York City. I would just have swallowed that hate and continued to let it build until I got home and I beat my wife and children. Because you can’t survive in New York City just being openly racist and sharing that with everyone all the time. You wouldn’t be able to make it through your day. Do you know how much energy you would spend everytime you rode on a subway and saw people from any other race interacting with a white person and you needed to flip out? You would need a nap by 8am!

3. And what year is this again? 1952? Sure we served with them in World War 2, but it sure as hell doesn’t mean we need to socialize with’em!

4. Do I find it weird for black men and white men to be friends? No. Men of all races should be able to easily get along or at least be pretty cordial. Pretty much all men, regardless of religion or race, can talk sports. Every country has sports and men can find common ground talking about them. Just look at Dhani Jones and his Travel channel show Dhani Tackles the Globe. Those people end up falling in love with Dhani at the end of those episodes. And if we’re not talking about sports – the perils of going out to get laid can also be talked about. I know there are homophobes out there and they might not want to talk graphically about sex with gay men, but men understand other men having to get dressed up and smell nice and buy drinks for whoever attracts your eye at the bar, sound interesting in conversation, be witty and so forth all as one big rouse to sleep with someone. There is a lot of common ground being shared in that department as well. Anyway, men can get along unless they are fist fighting each other or shooting each other with guns because guys don’t have a hidden agenda. Women have hidden agendas and thus “bitches hatin’ bitches” occurs.

5. Do I find it weird for THAT black guy and THAT white guy to be friends? YES! If I had to guess what that white guy did currently in life, I would guess “unemployed”. If I had to guess what that black guy did currently and for the past 30 years of his life, I would guess “Gregory Hines impersonator”. Despite the at least decade age disparity between the two, there are also appeared to be a great “hygiene” disparity. Where as the white guy would have been perfectly suitable to play “guy who vomits on himself” in the background of the next American Pie straight-to-DVD sequel. The black guy would have been perfectly suitable to play a stand-up bassist in a Miles Davis biopic So, yes I find it weird that those two were “friends”.

6. Physically removing someone from a subway train at 2am without a goodbye or any previous interaction does not scream BFFF – best fucking friends forever. The friends I was with that night live in Hoboken and I in New Jeru. When the PATH reached the Hoboken stop, I and my friends said our goodbyes with each giving a hug goodbye and saying words like “it was so good to see you because we are friends and I hope to see you soon, goodbye”. That is generally the goodbye a friend gives. Not so much suddenly appearing from the shadows and dragging them off the train and then jumping back inside the train right before the doors close. That might be how Batman says goodbye, but not the average person.

So whatever, I’m racist. You would know best, drunken buffoon F train rider.

As far as the rest of my weekend, cross burning on Friday night and a “White Pride” rally much of Saturday. Sunday was relegated to knitting myself a new pair of Swastika socks and, of course, FOOTBALL! White power.

Football was entertaining this weekend, despite what some may tell you. A lot of people out there are trying to peg the Bengals/Jets game as boring or underwhelming. It was a decent game, what was the most entertaining moments was Shayne Graham muffing two field goal attempts. I don’t necessarily condone harassment, but if the city of Cincinnati does not at the very least toilet paper Shayne Graham’s house and saran wrap his car then I think they need to really check their fandom cards. The dude pretty much single handedly screwed up your second playoff appearance in about 20 years. The “Who Dey” Bengals do not get many chance is the playoffs and the kicker goes and fucks it up. They should’ve had Esteban Ochocinco kicking those field goals, he’s better than Shayne Graham any day of the week.

The Eagles/Cowboys game was pretty unappealing. I dislike the Cowboys and the Eagles played like garbage.

Ravens and Patriots game was amazing for any and all who did not live in the New England area. The Patriots are far from a national team and I would say they are more or less hated outside of the greater Boston-area. Meanwhile, I do like the Ravens a lot. I am black and gold Steelers, but the Ravens defense is just too damn charming to not love them. Ray “The Struggle” Lewis is in my top 5 favorite players in football and has been for 14 years now. I love Ed Reed as well. Also, Ravens’ runner retro-Rutgers’ “Ruh-Roh” Ray Rice rushing ridiculously right… rdown rthe Rpatriots’ rfucking rthroat ron rthe rfirst rplay rof rthe rgame rwas ramazing!

Lastly, Packers/Cardinals was the game to end all games. 51-45? Amazing. When Neil Rackers missed the game winning field goal!?! Oh man. I just started yelling “Bonus ball”. Packers fans need to give a ton of credit to Aaron Rodgers for digging them out of a 31-10 hole in the second half. And the game didn’t end 34-31. Both teams went on to score two, TWO, more touchdowns. Kurt “Hall of Fame worthy” Warner drives the Cards down the field for a completely make-able field goal which MISSES! OVER TIME! Unbelievable. The Packers get the ball to start and the first play of the OT is almost a 80 yard touchdown from Rodgers to Jennings, but… but … but… Rodgers overthrows Greg by a yard.

Two plays later and Michael “I suck and I have been picked on all game by Aaron Rodgers because I can’t cover any one of these receivers” Adams strip sacks Rodgers and Dansby picks up the fumble and takes it into the endzone for a touchdown. The Cardinals have a good defense. But this defense had yet to stop Aaron in the second half. Not only that, but the guy, Michael Adams, who makes the defensive play of the day was easily making the worst defensive plays of the day throughout the other 60 minutes of game time. I can’t wait for next week’s games.

Oh yeah, and I wrote this – http://www.ufc.com/index.cfm?fa=news.detail&gid=38981

Maybe y’all can give it the much needed estrogen laden KSWI bump, am I right? Probably not.

I hate Monday.

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