Bullet points in numerics…

1. Happy New Years

Tomorrow is New Years Eve and tomorrow I hope you have a good one. A great one in fact. An excellent one even. I won’t go any further than excellent because you want some room to be able to still improve upon the New Years. No need for pursuit in perfection because with failure and imperfection comes character and an indelible mark of interest and beauty. Perfection is storyless. Also, it ceases your strive. Also, it is impossible, so don’t look for it.

Anyway, you’ll have a great New Years. Whether you have big plans or not, you can have a fun time. There is this mystery elixir called “booze” and it turns situations from unbearable to strip poker in an hour flat. Remember that. You’re never too old to play “spin the bottle” although if you’re too married it is simply called “infidelity” – nevertheless it will be a memorable New Years.

Also, I will not be posting tomorrow, so even though I’ve said it 100x already – HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEARS! … because there’s no new post tomorrow. Or at the very least I don’t expect there to be one. Instead, you all can look back at the glory of my writing and musings from 2010. There’s some great posts in there like when I talked about Dakota Fanning’s trivia section on IMDB and talked about who ever takes her virginity might as well spill oil all over the pristine Alaskan tundra. And then there is that other post when Dakota Fanning had her birthday and is now legal and I talked about spilling oil all over the pristine Alaskan tundra.

2. 2011

The New Year has at least one new challenge for me – mork. I have a new yob to start Monday. What does this mean? Primarily, this means there will be no post Monday. I’m fairly certain I will be “experiencing” “orientation” to my new yob and that should be violently boring and I’ll probably not be near a computer.

As for Tuesday? Well, I don’t know. Tuesday will be my first real day at this new job and we’ll see how it goes. This might mean big changes to KSWI. Or it could mean no changes to KSWI. We’ll just have to wait and see. This is sudden and I did not prepare any of you all for this, but I think that is a good thing. With me providing absolutely no closure to KSWI, probably means that it will continue onward because I can’t figure a way to sufficiently end it. Plus I do enjoy writing this site. And, I’ll be damned to think that some job will ever rob me of my time to write. And, really what job has ever taken up all of a person’s time?

So, next week may be pretty weak as far as posting goes, but we’ll just have to wait and see.

I’m sure if I have trouble posting – one can always get your fill of Kay-Swidge-Izzle aka me from my twitter account at http://www.twitter.com/jordan_is_ok .

3. Philadelphia

I believe this will only be my second time spending New Years in Philly. The last time I spent New Years in Philly was several years ago – I think 2005. We went to a bar in Manayunk named 105 Social where for I think $80 it was an open bar plus food and champagne at midnight. I drank some beer, but I really drank 14 vodka and Red Bulls. That was the kicker. The rest of the night was marked by me sending a text message to everyone in my phone “You know love you” and me wrestling Dawgz in the street wearing suits instead of him fighting a bouncer. And that’s not a type – I wrote “You know love you”. I was supposed to write “You know I love you”, which is just as odd, but “You know love you” is funnier.

I’m not sure what the plan is for NYE. Probably just getting drunk with friends as it should be. The main reason I’m going to Philly is more for Saturday night and not Friday.

4. UFC 125

I love the cage fighting! I usually watch the UFC with a few friends and they are in Philly. So, 2011 isn’t starting off any different than 2010, 2009 and before have been. The main event for UFC 125 is the Lightweight Championship title fight of Frankie Edgar (c) vs. Gray Maynard. Frankie is from New Jersey and went to High School with Dawgz and a bunch of other guys I know, so of course I’m rooting for Frankie. Nothing against Gray. He’s a great fighter and we shook hands once on a cold night in Columbus, Ohio (not code for gay sex, but could be).

5. Professional Tackle Football Association of America

The NFL’s final week of the season is this week. It has been a wild season as usual and overall I’ve been thoroughly entertained each and every week per usual. Next year, there is the chance of a hold out and no NFL season. This would be devastating to me. Personally, I don’t think it will happen. I think the season will go on like always or close to always. There may be a little hiccup, but I don’t think there will be one week missed of the NFL season. The players might end up in training camp a little later than usual, but that’s about it. I cannot imagine a world where a multi multi-billion dollar industry stops itself from continuing forward because they feel like squabbling over what will amount to pennies to them. There is a lot of bullshit posturing right now between the owners, but I don’t think it will affect next year’s season.

If it does then I will pray for a short and quick apocalypse because life without football is life not worth living.

6. Pittsburgh Steelers

The Black and Gold will be in the post season and I’m thankful for that. Overall, I think this has been a very successful season for the Steelers. They showed they could get over losing a key player in Santonio Holmes. Although, I wouldn’t mind seeing him in the black and gold instead of the Jets’ green and white. But “60 Minutes” Mike Wallace and Emmanuel Sanders have shown a lot of greatness and toughness this year, which I can only attribute to Hines Ward the stalwart and toughest wide receiver in the league. I feel like the more time you spend around certain men, the more tough and manly you must become. Hines Ward is one of those men.

7. Cowboy Bebop

After I finished re-watching Gundam Wing, I began watching Cowboy Bebop. It has been awhile since I sat down and watched this show from beginning to end. Usually, I’ll just watch a few episodes (“Ballad of Fallen Angels” for example) here and there or watch an anime music video for Cowboy Bebop, but I haven’t gone through episode by episode in a while.

The show is absolutely amazing. I love it to bits. I feel bad for people who are not open minded enough to watch anime because when anime is on – not much is better. Cowboy Bebop is one of those things. There is always the rumor of it being turned into a live-action movie, which I couldn’t care any less about. The rumor is always Keanu Reeves playing Spike. I don’t think Reeves would be great as Spike, but who knows. If we could go back in time then I think Vincent Cassell could have been a good Spike.

8. New Year’s Resolution

I never make these.

I think passively in the back of my mind I know what I want to improve on in my life at all times. Being better. Being better in everything. Improving on life. That’s really what it is. Life is a long haul until it isn’t. There is always more time until there is none. There is always a way to be get better and that’s what I hope I’m striving to be. Being better.

It is at times more active than passive and sometimes more passive than active. I do believe in Hegel’s belief that the world is slowly getting better always, so that means even laying around on the couch can be improvement – not great improvement, but maybe I just needed more rest.

9. 2010

It has been a good year.

I have spent an inordinate amount of it trying to make you laugh. Whoever you are – I have spent it writing for you and trying to entertain you pretty much 5 days a week.

If I accomplished that 1/3 of the time then I would be in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

I’m hoping it is more like 90% of the time, but either way it’s been fun.

10. 2011

Yeah, it’s the same as #2.

I hope you have a great New Years.

I hope you had a great 2010.

I hope next year is even better.

And I’ll check in sometime next week.


Yes, well, yay-ssss -like Antonio Banderas. Yay-ssss, I am quitting. The company I work for was bought by another company a little over a year ago now. That merger between the companies was a very odd purgatory for about 8-9 months. Are we all getting fired? Are we getting new jobs? Are we getting moved? Are we staying exactly where we are? That was a plateaued freefall for the majority of 2009. Near the end of October or the beginning of November, the first round of big cuts to our group happened when we officially joined the new company. At this point, one would think our fate would’ve been decided, but that was optimistic thinking. I just continued and continued to show up at work not learning more about my future here.

The end of 2009 came and went, the New Year brought just as little answers. Eventually, I guess it was in February when they announced who was staying and who was going. I was staying. But not too long after that there were talks about our group needing to move to a new office. It took 8-9 months for the first decisions to be made in this merger, it took several months after that for the next set of decisions, so we had no idea how long it would take to figure out this office move. The new office is farther away than the one I’m at currently and I saw little to no incentive to make the farther drive. Not to gripe, but still to this day I have not been consulted about how I feel regarding anything that is happening with my job or if I wanted to stay or wanted something more or if I’m excited about the new company or well… anything. And I’m by far not the only one who feels that way.


From February through much of March, we all sat on our hands pondering that next decision regarding the new office move. I had made it clear that I was not expecting to make the move when it happened. People hypothesized that it would be sometime at the end of the summer or maybe at the end of the year. Then the last week of March happened and all of a sudden we received word that we were moving at the end of April to the new office. So… the end of April it is. It appears my last day is either April 30th or April 29th. Not exactly sure. One or the other.

What does May and beyond bring? Hmmm… we’ll just have to see I guess. I am trying to fill up my first month of unemployment with some creative projects. Hopefully, sooner than later the start of some of the videos Dawgz and I have been putting together about that Arnold Fitness Expo will be up. Outside of that, I don’t know. I still have to work the rest of this week and next, so I haven’t been think too hard about what the future brings. I imagine that I won’t be posting 5 times a week because I’m hoping I will be asleep in the morning.

In all honesty, I didn’t think I was going to continue writing this blog past New Moon’s debut in theaters. You’ve gotten a lot more out of me than I expected*. If people wanted to guest blog then I’m comfortable with that. I don’t like the idea that I’m so easily replaced, but whatever. In all optimism, I’m hoping that with my free time I’ll be able to work on making videos and continue writing. So you never know – there could be videos heading your way. VIDEOS! MOVING PICTURES WITH SOUND!

So, what do I do at a job that I quit?


Well, I’m not moving to the new office, but most of the other people are. Not only are the people, but the whole office has to be moved. This is a fully functional office with files, books and supplies. All of this “stuff” has to be either trashed or boxed up and shipped to the new office. This means I’m arguably the best dressed mover ever. I’m packing up cardboard boxes by the dozens with books that date back to the 50’s. At the same time, I’m also filling up enormous dumpsters with the ugly step children books that no one wants.


To make matters worse, these files are all C-O-N-F-I-D-E-N-T-I-A-L, so they can’t be simply thrown away. They need to be S-H-R-E-D-D-E-D. Or if they are put into boxes they need to be R-E-C-O-R-D-E-D and L-A-B-E-L-E-D and neatly packed away. This means that I’m in a suit more or less doing M-A-N-U-A-L   L-A-B-O-R. I’ve never really quit a job before. Most of my jobs have been for a definite amount of time to work on a project or just a series of months or whatever the case may be. I would normally guess that once you quit you can R-E-L-A-X with the little time you have left. This is quite the opposite.


The first few days we spent just trashing books. Apparently, no one wants hundreds of leather bound law books from the 70’s. They all went into the trash seemingly for a Nazi/Footloose-esque book burning. Yesterday was an ass ton of shredding. We do use an outside service to do the actual shredding, but we have to put all the paper in huge blue laundry bags. Filling a laundry bag full of paper easily can get over 50 pounds pretty quickly. That was “fun”. The rest of yesterday was spent boxing up 10 pound books that are records of transactions from decades ago. Today is more boxes. You know you’re having fun at an office job when you’re sweating through your suit and the central air system is on high.


So… yeah. I guess this “Really Real Wednesday”. Or “State of the Union Kind of Wednesday”. I’m excited to see what happens next month. Should be interesting. Hopefully, some good stuff comes out of it*. Before I get back to making boxes and then packing them full of the heaviest books ever, I’ll mention a few thoughts I had last night watching TV:


Breaking Bad ­– Anyone who does not watch Breaking Bad and chooses to watch some other television program other than Breaking Bad is fucking WRONG! They are making the WRONG decision not watching Breaking Bad. It is the third season of Breaking Bad and it is absolutely tremendous. People debate whether or not this world is “black and white” “right or wrong” – that there is some sort of gray area where someone could be “right” and “wrong”, for instance 75% right and 25% wrong. In that scenario, it isn’t too bad since they are mostly right and only a little wrong. If you don’t watch Breaking Bad you are 100% WRONG. And if you have watched Breaking Bad and you don’t like it or got bored with it then you’re also WRONG and may need to check with a doctor about your brain or central nervous system because the show fucking rocks.

ESPN “30 for 30” – Last year, ESPN started a weekly documentary series called “30 for 30”, which meant 30 documentaries were made about sports to commemorate the 30 years that ESPN has existed. I absolutely love the subjects that each one of these documentaries is about. Or at least, I love what I think they are supposed to be about. Last weeks was about professional basketball star Allen Iverson and racism. They were focusing on Allen being involved in a  fight at a bowling alley when he was a senior high school that started because of some good ole’ racism. During the fight, someone threw a chair into the mess of people and a woman got hit in the head and needed 7 stitches, I think. The woman and some others said Allen threw the chair. Whatever.


I don’t even feel like going into it. The movie had nothing to do with Allen Iverson and spent the whole time talking about racism in this Virginia town. Who the fuck cares!?! There are racist people in Virginia!?! Oh my God! I’m shocked! There are racist people EVERYWHERE! Who cares about this stupid ass town? Allen doesn’t live there anymore. For a hot minute Allen Iverson almost went to jail for 5 years for supposedly throwing a chair that cut a woman’s head. Yeah, that sucks, but it didn’t happen. Can we talk about Allen Iverson being one of the best athletes of his generation? Can we talk about how Allen Iverson was and still is a polarizing figure? Can we talk about how racism followed Allen Iverson into professional basketball and he was the poster boy for “thugs” in the NBA? Can we talk about how professional basketball players need to wear suits nowadays because of the “Allen Iverson rule” that everyone was scared all the players dressed like gang members? Can we talk about how racist it is to assume that Allen Iverson or other basketball players wearing baggy jeans in their spare time between games is somehow promoting gang culture instead of just promoting modern day fashion? CAN WE TALK ABOUT MOTHERFUCKING BASKETBALL INSTEAD OF SOME STUPID ASS VIRGINIAN TOWN NO ONE WANTS TO GO TO!?!

“30 for 30” is essentially proving that just because you have a good story doesn’t mean you are the storyteller to tell it. Last night’s was about the start of Fantasy Baseball. It all started back in 1980 with a bunch of stereotypical northeastern college educated city Jews and blah blah blah. Man, I was sick of those idiots really quickly in that documentary. I pretty much fall into the stereotypical northeastern college educated city Jew thing myself and I couldn’t stand these guys. Especially, as the story unfolds that they never made any money off of the idea of Fantasy Baseball. BOO FUCKING HOO! And a fraction of the people who play Fantasy Baseball don’t know who made it. BOO FUCKING HOO! There are a lot of people in the world that have created some great things who did not get credit or money. They created a game. Great. And people don’t who they are? Great. How many people know a ton about the creators of Monopoly? Or Candyland? Or Halo? Or Call of Duty? Millions of people play those games and I would bet a fraction of people know who made them. As far as not making money off of it, these guys are not in the poor house because they sunk so much money into Fantasy Baseball and never got anything out of it. These people are fine financially; the big deal is that they aren’t gazillionaires. Who cares?

Lost – I tweeted most of my thoughts on Lost.


Justified – I like this show a lot. I must confess that I entertain myself sometimes* talking in a southern accent. It was a creation more or less last year for an ongoing joke about Brett Favre between Dawgz and me. The voice doesn’t really sound like Brett Favre, but it embodies what we think the spirit of Brett Favre is – earnest, excited and southern. The guys on Justified talk exceedingly similar to that southern accent, or at least Timothy Olyphant and Walton Goggins do. So I love the show for that. In general, it is a good show because Timothy Olyphant does a great job as a lawman. He was excellent on Deadwood and he is great here. After I watch Deadwood, I’m hard pressed not to do the accent.

I’d suggest watching Justified if you like crime shows with a central law enforcement protagonist solving crimes and killing bad guys. Or I’d suggest watching it knowing that it forces me to talk in a southern accent for the next few hours each time I watch it. It might do it to you too*.


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