I don’t know which I’m more hungover from: the food or the booze from last night. Obviously the booze, but the food is not helping anyone right now. I feel like my stomach is trying to digest an economy sized rental car. And the booze is perfectly marinating the food with my stomach acid. As arbitrary as “last Monday Night Football game of the year/season/decade” sounds – it really is that arbitrary. Nevertheless, Dawgz and I treated it as a national holiday. Thankfully, I did not have work today because I would have missed it. There is no way I would have been able to get up at 7am. I was still real drunk well into 4am, so 7 wasn’t happening. I’m amazed that before noon happened, but there was so much guilt knocking at my door. He needed a ride. That’s what she said.

Brett Favre did not lose that football game last night. His offensive line, Adrian Peterson, and the Vikings defense lost that game. Peterson obviously lost it by losing the ball which was turned into the game ending points.

But I digress…

I saw some movies last week outside of Avatar. I saw (500) Days of Summer, Sherlock Holmes and Up In The Air. These three films are quite the rarity nowadays. They share one thing in common that nearly every other movie that has been made recently does not share. There are no vampires in these movies. That’s right, NO VAMPIRES!

No day walking vampires. No shimmering vampires. No high school vampires. No assistants to vampires. No government vampires. No TV drama vampires. NO VAMPIRES AT ALL!

It is very surprising to watch a new movie and find no vampires in them, since nearly every other movie has a vampire or some form of blood sucking undead monster. Because of all these vampires infiltrating all the movies I watch, have watched and will watch – I’ve become accustomed to thinking “when is the vampire going to show up?” I fully expect at any and all points any number of main characters could become or have been previously a VAMPIRE.

Naturally I think most people are constantly guessing in their head what the end of the movie will be as they are watching the movie. You are actively trying to figure out the puzzle before you. And with that, I am deducing who is a vampire in all movies no matter what. So, here are my reviews for the three mentioned movies, who I was expecting to be a vampire and how that would affect the movie. Today I’m going to just talk about (500) Days of Summer to drag out this idea for another day.

(500) Days of Summer

Really enjoyed this one. It is a great romantic/comedy for this indie rock generation I am vintage handcuffed to. The movie itself is a visual feast. Marc Webb I think is the director. He was a music video director and he brings that style to the movie. The story is simple and not even fully detailed, but Webb does an excellent job selling you this movie with clever sequences and a great soundtrack.

Zooey Deschanel continues to be the Prom Queen of the Indie Rock filmfile. She is brazenly cute and adorable with enough sex and danger mixed in. Webb did a great job color coding this movie blue to highlight Zooey’s blue eyes and they are mesmerizing.

As for Joseph Gordon Levitt, I didn’t like him too much before this movie, but I like him now. Another movie that was actively sold to the indie kids was Brick. I did not like Brick. I did not like it one bit. The rest of JoGoLe or JosGorLev’s recent dramatic acting I have not cared for. I really was beginning to wonder greatly about why this kid was in this many movies. He was inching his way towards Shia LaBeouf status in both saturation and me hating him. He’s great in this movie though. JosGorLev is really quite great as a leading man in this movie.

So I see the debate of who should play Ben from my “unreleased unfinished greatest novel ever” has stalled on the guy from Chuck. Not a bad choice I suppose. I don’t recall anything I’ve seen of his outside of Chuck. I’m not sure how much I see him being a darker, depraved character who could carry scenes that involve him killing people and then other scenes where he is trying to jerk off in his office’s public bathroom during work. One person who has recently peeked my interest is… you guessed it… JosGorLev.

JosGorLev is also Leonardo DiCaprio’s right hand man in Inception by Christopher Nolan. If Nolan likes him then I like him. That’s how I feel about Nolan. I think Levitt could pull off both types of scenes and looks like a guy who is an office drone who wants something more. My main problem right now with Joseph Gordon Levitt is that he is not tall enough. I’m sure he feels the same way. He is an undersized man. I don’t know how well that would translate in the office Fight Club style tournaments in the book.

As for the vampires?

At all points, I was expecting Zooey Deschanel was a vampire. That’s the big twist. The movie begins saying it is not a romance story where they end up together. Maybe Joseph figures out Zooey is a vampire and he is forced to kill her for the good of the Los Angeles community! Maybe Joseph figures out Zooey is a vampire and joins her! This is not a love story because it is a VAMPIRE STORY. Maybe Joseph just breaks up with Zooey because she is a vampire and he can’t date vampires. That’s a rather blah one. Maybe Joseph figures out Zooey is a vampire when she murders all of the needless side characters in this movie! Yes! Kill them! KILL ESPECIALLY THIS ONE –

KILL THIS MAN! Not only in the movie, but in real life as well. GET HIM VAMPIRE ZOOEY! GET HIM WHILE HE SLEEPS! Do you know why? Do you know who this man is? Do you know what he is tied to in holy matrimony?

THIS! THIS AND THAT! ARE TOGETHER!?! AHHHHHHHH

seriously…

Seriously…

Seriously!..

SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!

I’m too hung over to deal with this. It is disturbing enough sober. It makes me so angry.

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