When Being “Hungover” Becomes “Life” & Shameless Self Promotion

April 26, 2010

And I need a weekend to recover from my weekend! I have no problems or qualms or guilt saying that I had an amazing weekend. I know there is a trend in this world to play low key on your weekend activities or your free time activities to not rub it in the face of others who were not there or not having as much fun. But fuck that and fuck you for not having as much fun because I clearly laid out where the fun was happening and whom with, so you are to be blamed for your unfunness.

Friday night was epic. There was a merriment and an arousing jovial nature to the empathetic drinking as if we were soldiers returning from the front lines of battle after reconquering Nazi occupied France. We drank most heavily. We drank heavy beers. We drank heavy beers in heavy glasses. We were at the Zeppelin Hall in Jersey City. The infamous beer garden of Jersey City! What I enjoy about the beer garden, the Zeppelin Hall, is that it would take an army of moral fervor to stop oneself from getting annihilated, “I need to be carried”, “it should be illegal and probably is to be this drunk” drunk. Why? Because they have –

BEER STEINS!

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Everyone loves a ginormous beer stein glass thing. I know there are people who will say “well I don’t like beer” – WHEN IN ROME! WHEN IN ROME! So, you drink from these heavy glasses and you drink from them with ear-to-ear smiles because this is not once a year in far off distant formerly SS controlled Germania – this is NEW JERSEY and it is APRIL!

We drank there. There was a bartendress named Maria who thought we were insane. I’m not saying she is wrong, but that is what she thought. Why did she think we were insane? It was from 1 of 3 possibilities:

1. The constant singing of “Down in the treme… with me and my baby… we’re all going crazy… just jumping up and having fun!” That is what I believe to be the theme song for HBO’s wonderful program Treme. If you hear that song a few times then it gets stuck forever. Once it is stuck forever, begin cultivating your Louis Armstrong-esque guttural molasses and ribs and bourbon and filter-less cigarettes brogue. Then inject yourself into a public place with like minded people and a nearly endless supply of booze and begin your own recital dedicated to the charm of New Orleans.

2. Watching the Miami Heat vs. the Boston Celtics game, we penned a cock rock song for Michael Beasley set to the tune of “Hot Blooded” by Foreigner. True or not – we believed his nickname was “Sweat Beas”. So, we wrote a song about it. “Sweet Beas! Smokin’ trees! Sweet Beas! Defends democracy! Sweet Beas! Making chicks bleed! Sweet Beas! Hates hypocrisy! Sweet Beas! He never says please! Sweet Beas! Failed the SATs! (or not)” And so on.

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3. There was yelling, screaming and jumping toe touches.

Or all of those things made her think we were insane. And this was Friday night.

Meanwhile, if one remembers, I wrote a post on Friday. Besides being informative, though provoking, funny, and filled with MS-Paint doctored Tom Cruise holding a banana photos, the post also mentioned where I would be Saturday night. I was at a concert at a bar in Hoboken featuring two friends’ bands.

I can only assume none of you braggadocios keyboard warrioresses who type the type about walking the walk, but when it comes to doing the walking that they were typing about they don’t walk the type walk — I’m not really sure where this metaphor is going. I was not sexually harassed on Saturday night. Well, I was not sexually harassed by anyone outside of my friends from college. So, I can only assume vis a vis a priori a posterori eg ie et cetera that none of you went to Hoboken and went to the concert. This means you missed out on an amazingly fun evening with excellent music, excellent people and several liquids that had been fermented earlier to be alcoholic.

As mentioned in Friday’s post, the two bands were Capita Clip and Birthwater. Here is a video of Birthwater playing their song “Bunker”. Thanks to whoever shot this video. I was supposed to be bring my camera and shoot some video, but I fucked up and forgot it. Great story.

I haven’t seen any footage of Capita Clip from Saturday, but here is a link to their Myspace page – http://www.myspace.com/capitaclip – I hadn’t been to a Myspace page since my flirtations with NBC’s To Catch a Predator, but it is still going strong.

So there were some great times Saturday and Friday. Sunday was rough for different reasons. And now here I am today – not hungover or drunk for the first time in a few days. I feel worn out and tired and coffee is really not helping – just making me jittery. But, I already know the cure for hangovers. I know it. And you should know it.

BOOBS!

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Yes! Boobs cure everything!

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=116336578385346

http://www.blaghag.com/2010/04/in-name-of-science-i-offer-my-boobs.html

A fellow reader of yours was very nice enough to send me this event entitled “Boobquake” on Facebook. I will say this, I will page through all 300+ pictures throughout today. I suggest that if you are a Facebooker that you join me on this venture of cleavage pictures. I also suggest that if you are an owner of boobs that you should take pictures in support of “Boobquake” and either upload them to this website with a corresponding link or just send me the pictures knowing that it will cheer me up after assembling one BILLION boxes.

I also also suggest you JOIN THE MOTHERFUCKING KSWI FAN PAGE!

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/pages/Kristen-Stewart-wants-IT/199326110886

Seriously, why not? As far as I have been told it helps lower your blood pressure and your LDL cholestrol levels. So, join it. It was also also also very nicely assembled by a fellow reader with her own tiny hands. I imagine everyone on the internet is tiny including you reading this. You all exist an inch from me inside my computer screen conspiring and organizing like an ant farm of biting wit and pop-cultural references. You all have individual miniscule laptops which you type away on.

I might as well throw a link to the twitter account as well, which I started because of you people. http://www.twitter.com/jordan_is_ok – although at this point, all I receive are messages telling me to follow them on twitter which seems like there was an alterior motive to why I was pushed into joining twitter – to pad their follower stats. You monitor inhabitants are tricky.

I hope you all had a great weekend. I enjoyed mine thoroughly. Now I’m tired. I am also about to get back into the box making and filling* circuit right now. I will talk later this week about what may/will happen with KSWI in the following weeks. It will involve opportunities for guest bloggers. I know you all will be excited for that being the selfish little people you are inside my computer monitor.

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26 Responses to “When Being “Hungover” Becomes “Life” & Shameless Self Promotion”

  1. tiffanized said

    I’m not tiny, just so you know.

    I think the boobquake thing is missing the point, encouraging one sexist behavior to protest another. I’m protesting by corrupting the morals of a young man of my choice in private–at least that way I stand the chance of getting something out of the deal.

    Let me know if you need any box advice. I’m known around these parts as the Manager of Box on Mondays and Fridays, and the Assistant to the Manager of Box on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. Also, I once received a box from HB, and it was meticulously folded, filled and taped; perhaps you could bring her in as a Box Consultant.

    I’m not pressuring you to follow me on Twitter. All I’m saying is that if you did follow me on Twitter, I could send you direct messages including photos with which I could corrupt you privately in an effort to cause an earthquake.

  2. PWG said

    Reassure me that the awesome song lyric, “Making chicks bleed!” was someone else’s creation. Because it makes my whole body vibrate on the “ICK” frequency. Lie, if you have to.

    • PWG said

      Lest you think I’m accusing your drinking buddies of penning girl-hitting lyrics, that wasn’t my interpretation. I assumed you meant making chicks bleed with his presumably enormous dick. I like to think I could determine whether or not something was going to fit on a visual basis, before we got to the “Ow ow ow, motherfucking get that away from me” stage.

    • PWG said

      Also, when tiffanized and I “jinx, buy me a Coke”d each other last week with the Six Degrees of Separation comments I think some of her way-better feminist credentials rubbed off on me, because the red X over Katy Perry’s face makes me want to jab something with a pointy finger.

  3. I’m sure it’s just an unfortunate coincidence that you post your exact whereabouts on a Saturday night the only weekend that I’m out of town. I’m sure the assurance that I would be 250 miles away, thus rendering myself physically incapable of crashing your party and carrying out any sort of operation, had absolutely nothing to do with your willingness to share this information. Very unfortunate coincidence, indeed…

    Another coincidence: I, too, spent my weekend drinking out of novelty items. Except I never ended up hungover, ya big wimp.

    I got that Boobquake invite from that lovely reader as well. I forgot about it — along with all of my dry cleaning, thus leaving me pantless — so today’s dress which always results in accidental cleavage was a happy accident. Another coincidence, I suppose. Do I get bonus points for having exposed legs and wearing 4″ heels? Am I proving more of a point because I have more skin showing than just cleave? Is this like an extra credit kind of situation? If the world does end today, I swear it’s not my fault.

    • tiffanized said

      It’s immodesty in general the good cleric was referring to. I stick by my lifelong assertion that I can be modest in a string bikini and bawdy in a niqab and abaya. Attitude, not fashion.

      • Oh, well in that case, the world would’ve ended after our New Years Eve celebrations. And I was wearing multiple pairs of long johns and a wool coat for all of that. Cleavage be damned!

  4. susanelle said

    That Michael Beasley is a nice-looking lad. ::fans self::

    I guess I don’t watch enough basketball. Too much squeaking.

  5. PWG said

    So close. I was so close to attending the Hoboken concert this weekend. I got as far as, “Mr. PWG, can you toss me your wallet, I need to grab our Visa to buy a last minute plane ticket so I can go see Capita Clip and Birthwater play in Jersey. I heard about it from an Internet friend of mine, this huge tattooed Jewish dude back East. It’s possible a few months ago in a frenzy of intellectual attraction I offered to become one of his multiple wives. I don’t remember offering to personally bang him, but I did offer to help sister wives find and bang him. No, you don’t know him. We cool? Then toss me that motherfucking wallet.”

    Then I think I got distracted by the NFL Draft, or something, because somehow it didn’t happen.

  6. MLF said

    how could you draw an X over Katy’s face!? her face to way to adorable to be covered. actually, no part of her should ever be covered- she should walk around naked all day, amiright?

    • MLF said

      uhhh..her face is way too adorable*

      I just woke up. not that that helps my case at all since it’s three in the afternoon…

  7. MLF said

    Did you ever read Green Eggs and Ham? not in a box, not with a fox, not on a train, not in the rain…

    I do not like beer, Sam I Am. Fancy drinking receptacles be damned. trust.

  8. PWG said

    “So, I can only assume vis a vis a priori a posterori eg ie et cetera that none of you went to Hoboken and went to the concert.” I think you missed non compos mentis.

  9. I’ve never asked you to follow me on Twitter. If you want to follow my insanity, feel free. If you don’t, then that’s fine too. But I bet you’ll miss my crazy once you stop getting it from me here every day.* Or not…

    But yet I continue to send you gems like restaurant booth graffiti that says “I ❤ surfing Jordan". Which, interestingly enough, you interpreted as "I ❤ surfing. Signed, Jordan," whereas the rest of us interpreted it as "I ❤ surfing Jordan". I guess we prefer the perverted implications behind interpretation numero dos. To each their own. Turkey Badass Rambo. (That's the new to-may-to to-mah-to, for the record. I declare it so.).

  10. AmyAlmost said

    I have to admit, I drink beer and I like it. German beer isn’t bad, but I’m more of Belgian beer person. Give me a glass of Leffe on a hot afternoon anyday. That’s one thing my city doesn’t have yet, a German beer hall themed pub.

    I feel bad I didn’t show up to your Saturday night plans. I can’t even get to Melbourne to see my best friends band play all the gigs he’s been playing and I don’t think I’ve ever seen my girlfriends boyfriends band that plays all over my city. Not to mention I haven’t seen my Dad play a show in probably two years and he’s just started a new band with his friends. But still I wish I had been there to see your friends band.

  11. amanda said

    Okay I continue with my banter of completely random things usually pertaining to indie music and pop culture.
    1. Coldplay- overrated.
    Their old stuff is somewhat decent but not enough to temp me. And Viva La Vida was among such Grammy nominees for best album of the year with In Rainbows and Raising Sand… well it makes me sick. (The Grammy’s are bullshit because it’s a popularity contest) Viva La Vida is seriously the most overrated album/ song I have ever heard. What’s so great about some guy pounding a drum that is twice his size? And as you may know, I have taken up guitar, and guess what? It took me literally 5 minutes to learn how to play the Scientist because.. guess what? It pertains of 4 chords. Really? Really Coldplay? And the band wants to be U2 sooo bad. You know it, I know it. Another greatly overrated band that really sucks. And the Edge thinks hes something special because he can push a few petals.
    2.The Funeral by Band of Horses is an excellent song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibE7IqEjni4
    3. Katey Perry is a Butter Face

    Fuck Bono.

  12. kt said

    I’m still learning to like beer. It’s the bitterness of it I don’t like, similar to coffee, but I’m also starting to like that too. However, I have to say that when beer is in a stein it ups the drinking experience by a bazillion and I can usually manage to drink a couple before I start gagging. Also it has to be really cold.

    I totally had to go look up when pseudonym I use on here in another post it’s been so long since I’ve commented. I kinda feel bad about that.

  13. If it makes you feel any better (and it probably won’t), I was at Maxwell’s seeing Los Campesinos on Saturday and nobody came out to say hi/buy me a drink/show me their boobs either.

    Oh and if you go to YouTube to watch this vid (or see where it was shot…), you’ll find a lot more videos of people giving birth in kiddie pools than videos of this band. I know birth is supposed to be swell and all, but I don’t need to see it while I am eating lunch.

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