When Being “Hungover” Becomes “Life” & Shameless Self Promotion

And I need a weekend to recover from my weekend! I have no problems or qualms or guilt saying that I had an amazing weekend. I know there is a trend in this world to play low key on your weekend activities or your free time activities to not rub it in the face of others who were not there or not having as much fun. But fuck that and fuck you for not having as much fun because I clearly laid out where the fun was happening and whom with, so you are to be blamed for your unfunness.

Friday night was epic. There was a merriment and an arousing jovial nature to the empathetic drinking as if we were soldiers returning from the front lines of battle after reconquering Nazi occupied France. We drank most heavily. We drank heavy beers. We drank heavy beers in heavy glasses. We were at the Zeppelin Hall in Jersey City. The infamous beer garden of Jersey City! What I enjoy about the beer garden, the Zeppelin Hall, is that it would take an army of moral fervor to stop oneself from getting annihilated, “I need to be carried”, “it should be illegal and probably is to be this drunk” drunk. Why? Because they have –

BEER STEINS!

Everyone loves a ginormous beer stein glass thing. I know there are people who will say “well I don’t like beer” – WHEN IN ROME! WHEN IN ROME! So, you drink from these heavy glasses and you drink from them with ear-to-ear smiles because this is not once a year in far off distant formerly SS controlled Germania – this is NEW JERSEY and it is APRIL!

We drank there. There was a bartendress named Maria who thought we were insane. I’m not saying she is wrong, but that is what she thought. Why did she think we were insane? It was from 1 of 3 possibilities:

1. The constant singing of “Down in the treme… with me and my baby… we’re all going crazy… just jumping up and having fun!” That is what I believe to be the theme song for HBO’s wonderful program Treme. If you hear that song a few times then it gets stuck forever. Once it is stuck forever, begin cultivating your Louis Armstrong-esque guttural molasses and ribs and bourbon and filter-less cigarettes brogue. Then inject yourself into a public place with like minded people and a nearly endless supply of booze and begin your own recital dedicated to the charm of New Orleans.

2. Watching the Miami Heat vs. the Boston Celtics game, we penned a cock rock song for Michael Beasley set to the tune of “Hot Blooded” by Foreigner. True or not – we believed his nickname was “Sweat Beas”. So, we wrote a song about it. “Sweet Beas! Smokin’ trees! Sweet Beas! Defends democracy! Sweet Beas! Making chicks bleed! Sweet Beas! Hates hypocrisy! Sweet Beas! He never says please! Sweet Beas! Failed the SATs! (or not)” And so on.

3. There was yelling, screaming and jumping toe touches.

Or all of those things made her think we were insane. And this was Friday night.

Meanwhile, if one remembers, I wrote a post on Friday. Besides being informative, though provoking, funny, and filled with MS-Paint doctored Tom Cruise holding a banana photos, the post also mentioned where I would be Saturday night. I was at a concert at a bar in Hoboken featuring two friends’ bands.

I can only assume none of you braggadocios keyboard warrioresses who type the type about walking the walk, but when it comes to doing the walking that they were typing about they don’t walk the type walk — I’m not really sure where this metaphor is going. I was not sexually harassed on Saturday night. Well, I was not sexually harassed by anyone outside of my friends from college. So, I can only assume vis a vis a priori a posterori eg ie et cetera that none of you went to Hoboken and went to the concert. This means you missed out on an amazingly fun evening with excellent music, excellent people and several liquids that had been fermented earlier to be alcoholic.

As mentioned in Friday’s post, the two bands were Capita Clip and Birthwater. Here is a video of Birthwater playing their song “Bunker”. Thanks to whoever shot this video. I was supposed to be bring my camera and shoot some video, but I fucked up and forgot it. Great story.

I haven’t seen any footage of Capita Clip from Saturday, but here is a link to their Myspace page – http://www.myspace.com/capitaclip – I hadn’t been to a Myspace page since my flirtations with NBC’s To Catch a Predator, but it is still going strong.

So there were some great times Saturday and Friday. Sunday was rough for different reasons. And now here I am today – not hungover or drunk for the first time in a few days. I feel worn out and tired and coffee is really not helping – just making me jittery. But, I already know the cure for hangovers. I know it. And you should know it.

BOOBS!

Yes! Boobs cure everything!

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=116336578385346

http://www.blaghag.com/2010/04/in-name-of-science-i-offer-my-boobs.html

A fellow reader of yours was very nice enough to send me this event entitled “Boobquake” on Facebook. I will say this, I will page through all 300+ pictures throughout today. I suggest that if you are a Facebooker that you join me on this venture of cleavage pictures. I also suggest that if you are an owner of boobs that you should take pictures in support of “Boobquake” and either upload them to this website with a corresponding link or just send me the pictures knowing that it will cheer me up after assembling one BILLION boxes.

I also also suggest you JOIN THE MOTHERFUCKING KSWI FAN PAGE!

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/pages/Kristen-Stewart-wants-IT/199326110886

Seriously, why not? As far as I have been told it helps lower your blood pressure and your LDL cholestrol levels. So, join it. It was also also also very nicely assembled by a fellow reader with her own tiny hands. I imagine everyone on the internet is tiny including you reading this. You all exist an inch from me inside my computer screen conspiring and organizing like an ant farm of biting wit and pop-cultural references. You all have individual miniscule laptops which you type away on.

I might as well throw a link to the twitter account as well, which I started because of you people. http://www.twitter.com/jordan_is_ok – although at this point, all I receive are messages telling me to follow them on twitter which seems like there was an alterior motive to why I was pushed into joining twitter – to pad their follower stats. You monitor inhabitants are tricky.

I hope you all had a great weekend. I enjoyed mine thoroughly. Now I’m tired. I am also about to get back into the box making and filling* circuit right now. I will talk later this week about what may/will happen with KSWI in the following weeks. It will involve opportunities for guest bloggers. I know you all will be excited for that being the selfish little people you are inside my computer monitor.