Have a great weekend… some suggestions…

Howdy.

I, as always, hope you have a wonderful weekend full of consensually wet genitals and possibly be constructive and doing something on your bucket list like scoring a bulls eye with a throwing star to win a ninja skills tournament that the reward bonus is a dragon egg.

But alas, whatever you do and you have a good timing doing it, I support it.

I would like to just mention that there are some movies coming out this weekend or are already at…

DREDD – Don’t see it. Or if you really want to see it then don’t see it now and wait until it comes to DVD. It’s fine. It’s not necessarily that good and it’s really not that bad, but it’s average and with that I was kind of blah after leaving it. Karl Urban does a good job with the little they give for him to do, which is monotone line deliveries and looking tough. Olivia Thirlby is the best part of the movie hands down. Obviously, very cute chick, but her character is the only one with any story or any anything. Dredd is a machine/Terminator more or less and Thirlby is the emotional core of the movie by far as well as the only one you’re really worried about. As for Lena as the main bad guy Ma Ma, she’s fine and some people are happy that it’s a chick playing the heartless torture killing villain – yeah, you should be psyched about that… sarcasm. The movie is also too focused on one gimmick that they thought up, which looks cool, but has no importance to the storyline. In total, the movie is fine, but unnecessary and the actual ending is crazy stupid.

END OF WATCH – I haven’t seen it, but I would. It’s gotten some good reviews.

THE MASTER – Excellent. I loved it. Not surprising because I’ve loved all of Paul Thomas Anderson’s movies and there is no reason to stop now. If I had to really classify what I thought this movie was about, I would say that Joaquin Phoenix represents the ID and Philip Seymour Hoffman the SuperEgo and this journey is to make Joaquin the ego. Or really a story about taming a wild dog. It’s definitely steeped in Scientology, but I think it is even more so steeped in any philosophical idea set or religion or political group where one needs to be indoctrinated into their mindset because they believe once you adopt their mindset, once you’ve taken it on as your own instead of following whatever instincts have naturally led you astray then you’ll be for the better and you’ll try to do the same for others. So, yes a “cult”. But one can call anything a cult as long as they are tightly rigid to those beliefs and you act as they want you to act instead of how you would like to act. It’s a movie about free will. It’s also a movie about growing your own celebrity as well. Beautifully shot movie and intense as you would expect.

LOOPER – It is getting really good reviews. I’m not sure if I think I’ll agree with those reviews or not because from what I’ve seen in the trailer, I think the movie looks stupid. But with that, I still want to see it. I’m a sucker in that way. If the movie is as good as they say then that will be wonderful. If the movie isn’t then it should be funny at how much I don’t like it. Kind of a win/win in that regard. It’s fun to judge, right?

As for fights, if you have Fuel TV then tomorrow, Saturday, there are free UFC fights on during the day starting at 4pm eastern. If you want to watch the even earlier free fights, the undercard to the UFC is on at 1pm eastern on Facebook.

Outside of that, there’s football.

Good game last night. The Browns are team that is incrementally getting better, but so is everyone else. I like Weeden, I like Richardson, I like Joe Thomas flopping on the second to last play of the game causing for one more play and shot at the end zone.

So, Kristen Stewart didn’t fuck Rupert Sanders? That’s good I guess. I didn’t think they did, at the very least not in those pictures. Now, can we just make sure there is no needless Huntsman sequel? Waste of money.

Have a great weekend!

I love you?

Better news?

What’s the better news…

The reports that Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are back together? So says some random chick driving past them who tweeted about it in Los Angeles I believe.

or…

The regular referees being back for the NFL?

CHOOSE ONE NOW!

…

..

.

I think that Rob and Kristen being back together is as little as a shock as the regular referees getting their contracts signed by those dumbass owners in the NFL.

The funniest thing about Rob and Kristen being together is that normal Hollywood couples who seem to have no obvious problems break up all the time. Meanwhile, some of the craziest fucking celebrity couples just won’t leave each other no matter what.

Maybe it has to do with actors/entertainers obviously loving drama in their lives. Maybe it’s because most of these people are not well educated. Maybe it’s because they make such bad decisions with other things that relationship bad decisions is a must. I don’t know.

Maybe once you get a little taste of that WANT you can’t keep yourself away from it. I mean I’ve been writing this blog for like 36 years already and I’m only 29, which doesn’t make any sense at all and I’m not really a fan of either of these two’s movies, so what the fuck, right?

Meanwhile, the real referees suck a big load.

Seriously, Ed Hocule? Ed Hocule sucks. YEAH, I SAID IT!

For the peripheral fans of the sport, you may know Hocule as the ref with the enormous biceps and the big barrel chest. But for fans of the sport who’ve been following it for years, most know Hocule as the egomaniac who talks everyone’s ear off when giving a routine holding call as well as the guy who made up the “tuck rule” one Sunday afternoon during the deciding moment of the AFC Championship game that propelled Tom Brady to his first Super Bowl, cost Charles Woodson a Hall of Fame strip sack, and certainly cost Jon Gruden a couple years of good living on the stress of his high blood pressure and heart bursting out of his chest from screaming.

The idea of the real refs coming back is 100% us being comfortable with the devil we know than the one we don’t. It’s also clear that the players and coaches had no ability to control themselves with the replacement refs. People were fined and everything, but if Mike Shanahan had chased Ed Hocule down a tunnel after a game, he probably would’ve been suspended a game, same with Bill Belicheck grabbing one of the refs after a game. Seriously? Fucking control yourselves, fellas. When’s the last time you saw coaches getting fined in total of $100,000 in back-to-back weekends?

I can’t wait for the articles about how the real refs are worse or just as bad as the old refs and all that from the same people who were clamoring about the replacement refs being washed up Lingerie Football League refs.

Meanwhile, Fake Edward and Kristen are snuggling watching Orioles games while wearing each others clothes and this time it feels icky. Although, maybe they’re meant for each other. Kind of like a cornerback complaining about the replacement refs and then getting a pass interference call by the real refs this weekend and he’ll wish he never opened his mouth from the get go.

I think that makes sense.

Football tonight!

I’m picking the Ravens.

I feel like it’s either going to be low scoring or a fucking blowout.

I feel like it’s going to be a tough game. Thursday night? Playing a division game after an emotional win against New England? The Ravens should blow the Browns out of the water, but teams do have let down games. Should be interesting as always.

Happy Yom Kippur, You Sexy Jews

I was going to think of something to post or maybe I wasn’t – who can really know for sure?

But, before I got the chance to sit down and type out whatever I was or wasn’t going to type out, I saw two things on these wonderful world wide webs that are better than anything I could have come up with for today.

One is a little emotional. The other is funny. Do you want emotional or funny first? Do you want emotional or funny second? ANSWER ME! You just sit there fucking silently staring at me like you can’t hear me. I know you can hear me. WHICH DO YO… ahhh forget it.

The first is the emotional one…

‘Superman’ has saved 25 jumpers in boat

http://news.yahoo.com/superman-saved-25-jumpers-fishing-boat-111214820–abc-news-topstories.html

It’s a really interesting story that I hope you read.

It’s about a regular man, a regular fisherman, who has taken on the responsibility of trying to save people who try to commit suicide by jumping off the bridge he is stationed at on the Danube. It’s not his responsibility, but he’s made it his. He watches for people and when they do jump, he gets on his boat and rushes out to try and save them. It’s a wild story and an amazing thing he is doing.

I don’t know how this couldn’t be a movie. Couldn’t be a movie in its own right and couldn’t be the basis of a movie.

Either way, it is an interesting read and the guy sounds like one of the great unsung heroes of this world.

As for the second… the comedy…

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

This is a hilarious video about the case of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia being recast for the forthcoming season of the show.

It’s crazy that this show has been on for so long and people still don’t recognize the genius of it.

I remember exactly when the first time I saw It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It was in October of 2005 and I was with my buddy, Jay, on a month long road trip up the west coast. One night in Los Angeles, we were staying at another friend’s, Matt, place. We had a random ass evening, which started with us going to a Thai restaurant that was having a tranny kabuki kind of show on stage, which we did not understand in the least, but it was certainly memorable. Then we went out drinking for a little bit, but ended up back at Matt’s place with another friend, Barry. Matt was looking to put something on TV to watch while we talked and drank and he randomly brought up It’s Always Sunny. None of us, besides Matt, had seen it.

Matt brings out a VHS (was it 2005 or 1985?!) which he had recorded 5 episodes off the show on it. And we watched and laughed. Every few minutes one of us would say, “why haven’t I been watching this show?”

Still a great show. Still funny.

I hope everyone is having a good Yom Kippur and fasting is going well.

I can tell you the easiest year(s) for me fasting were the ones where I was addicted to a videogame and just play it non-stop from when I stopped eating until I fell asleep and when I woke up to when I was allowed to eat again. I’m sure none of that is suggested by Talmudic scholars, but it’s a tip from me to you.

JEWS!

I’m sorry, Green Bay…

Dear Green Bay Packers and Green Bay Packers fans,

I’m sorry.

I know I am not at fault for what happened last night considering without a doubt I have no connection to the people who are actually in control of the NFL and the decision making of allowing for replacement referees, but as a human being who can experience empathy – I’m sorry.

I am not a fan of the Green Bay Packers like you are. I have an allegiance to the black and gold gentlemen known as the Pittsburgh Steelers. I am a fan of your team in the sense that you are a football team, a good one at that, and I enjoy watching football almost more than anything. What I can only imagine is the anger and frustration that i would feel if I were a Packers fan this morning. It would be horrendous. Well, I probably wouldn’t have slept last night from either the anger I felt over the referees’ bumbling final call and/or my anger and regret over smashing all the electronic devices in my household that could have broadcasted me the opportunity of witnessing such idiocy.

I’m sure I would have spent last night covered in shards of my laptop, iphone, TVs, and maybe I would have thrown an errant kick at the microwave and that could be broken as well. As well as my heart. There may have been a few empty bottles of liquor by my feet and at this very moment I could be thoroughly hung over and/or vomitous from said bottles. I could be in a pool of my feces at this very hypothetical moment as I was so angry from the bad touchdown call instead of an interception that I decided I would forgo using the toilet from now on. I would become a caveman or just an animal in general and poop and pee where I feel like. Maybe I would stop speaking a noted language like English and replace all my vocal announcements with grunts and screams, but one word would pass through my lips when I meant something I hate and wanted to commit violence on – “Goodell”.

I don’t even want to imagine that world. That world where possibly I wear no clothes and let my hair grow for warmth. I become a thief and eat from people’s garbage. I live infested with lice and leak discharge from my anus like a trail for people to follow this mythical filthy creature of devolution. All because of Goodell. All because of football. All because of the most unholy walking the Earth today – the REPLACEMENT REFS.

I wish I could help you, Green Bay.

I wish I had something grand to give you. Something that would take us back to that moment in time and get the call right and you wouldn’t be so angry. Alas, I have no genies with wishes or Dragon Balls that also grant wishes or something else that grants wishes like a wish granting alpaca. But I humbly admit I have none of these.

What I can give you is my most cherished possession at this very moment…

DOG SHAMING!

What?! HAHAHAHAHAHAH! You silly doggie! What a silly doggie! You shouldn’t eat bunny poop! No one should eat bunny poop! Not only should you not eat bunny poop, but you shouldn’t be smiling about it like that! You’re the silliest doggie! Yes you are! I’d still let you lick me even if you ate bunny poop! I mean I’d give it a couple hours and several trips to the water bowl, but I have faith in your bacteria ridden mouth that you wouldn’t pass on any bunny poop disease with some of your licks!

DOGGIE! You look so sad about chewing those socks, but you can’t help yourself because you’re just a doggie! A DOGGIE I WOULD PET! Yes, I would pet you! I would take your ears and I would cover your eyes with them and then kiss you on your black tire nose! THAT’S WHAT I WOULD DO! I would also flip you on your back and rub your belly while you chewed on all of the socks we can find! Under the covers?! Well, you’re kind loves burrowing under the covers, so it is only natural for you to be there chewing on those socks! I’ll provide the covers and the socks and you provide the unflinching love of a doggie!

DOGGIE! I LIKE LASAGNA TOO! WE WOULD BE THE BESTEST FRIENDS EVER! It’s like we were meant to be together until the forever! Eating lasagna and talking a new doggie/human language that only we know! And then we would run and jump and I would scratch your legs until they stuck out all stiff and I would be like DOGGIE LOOK AT YOUR LEGS! And you would wag your tail and then I would grab that tail and we would play and jump around and make someone make us lasagna as a barter trade to allow access to play with us! We wouldn’t teach them that special language of ours… UNLESS THEY MADE US LOTS OF LASAGNA! HAHAHAH… Good idea, doggie!

Well, Green Bay Packers and Green Bay Packers fans, I feel better.

Check out – dog-shaming.com – if you’re still feeling sad.

I’m just glad the Steelers have a bye this week. Hopefully by week 5 the real refs will be back.

Sincerely,

Kay-Swidge-Izzle

EMMY’S RED CARPET – The Good, The Bad, The Truth That I’d Like To Sex Them All

Hello.

Let there be no mention of the Steelers loss. Let me repeat. LET THERE BE NO MENTION OF THE STEELERS LOSS! For whatever reason, the Steelers have decided, CALCULATED AND DECIDED, to start the season off 1-2 for some reason, and we’ll find that reason out when they’re hoisting the Lombardi trophy after another successful Super Bowl run in February. End of discussion.

Replacement refs are incompetent and not the coaches nor the players have an ounce of respect for them.

Between drinking whiskey, watching football, watching British dating show “Take Me Out” reruns, and nearly signing a lease for a house to move in with the ole’ gf, I didn’t really do a whole lot, but 3,000 miles away a bunch of the people we pay to look all cute covered in make-up and odd gowns got all dolled up for us to pick at and then give them awards and we call it the Emmy’s. I didn’t watch a second of the Emmy’s to the surprise of no one.

I absolutely hate awards shows to watch them. I hate the bits. I hate the pretense. I hate that there is the aura of superiority for television shows. Some TV shows are works of art and others are fucking horseshit and they’re both nominated for the same damn award, so who gives a fuck. On the other side, the outside, I like what’s happening outside. I’ve fallen in love over the past couple years with the RED CARPET. Not that I’m fucking full-bushed gingers, I’m talking about the long walk we make celebrities walk in their outfits, their costumes, and we get to tear them apart. It’s the only thing by far the majority of the people in attendance actually do at the event, so it’s a participation thing I like plus I like judging people. And who is better to judge than pretty TV people.

THE EMMY’S RED CARPET!

Yep. That’s a way to start off the red carpet photos. The right way. I thought she was pregnant? Am I making that up? For the sake of this dress and my own fantasies, she doesn’t appear pregnant and let’s pretend she wasn’t. I really wish I didn’t know about her marriage or fiancee or whatever. That guy seems like a tool. But think about what kind of life this guy leads where he has for years had an on-and-off relationship with Sofia Vergara. I’ve had some friends who have had on-and-off relationships with some chicks, but they weren’t Sofia Vergara. They were usually bitches who would booty call my friend or vice versa and then they would be back to going out and hating each other for another month until they broke up again. That’s kind of what this guy was doing… and it’s with Sofia Vergara! Unbelievable.

Christ. There were some newly single ladies at the Emmy’s who were dressed like they were going home that night with a man, none more than Heidi Klum. If you’re a peripheral star, but can make it to the Emmy’s you should start showing up with an engagement ring and condoms with holes poked in them. If Klum is looking to get locked down, then lock it down, my friend. Imagining her naked is the easy part, remembering she is clothed is the hard part.

Boobs! Later you’ll see that the Queen of Cleavage was actually outdone this year, but her chief mammary rival Kat Dennings. Christina Hendricks should always wear green. I don’t know about a beige or whatever that kind of camouflages into her skin. I need definition lines to know how much boobs am I seeing.

Not really a fan. It’s so much of it. Whatever it is, there’s a lot of it. It’s almost like it’s slowly consuming Julianne Moore and if we can’t get her out of it in the next 48 hours she’ll become that yellow dress. That sounds like a plausible script.

Zooey sad! Why Zooey sad? Why sad Zooey? Dress? Dress make Zooey sad? Event? Emmy’s make Zooey sad? “New Girl”? Zooey watch own show? Zooey, “New Girl” make Jordan sad. “New Girl” make Jordan very sad. Zooey boobs make Jordan happy. Happy Zooey?

Hayden you look lovely. You are a Tinker Bell like sprite that shines. You also are wrapped in a blue net like those dolphins you are trying to save with your tiny voice and tiny self in Japan. They should make a made for TV movie where she basically plays herself as a sexy celeb who takes on the cause of saving dolphins from Japanese fishermen. Then while she’s protesting on the docks in Japan (?) she ends up confronting one young, around her age, fisherman who is actually quite handsome and the two of them start a love/hate relationship. Eventually, they succumb to their desires and the two of them fall in love. He agrees to give up fishing and help her protest. She agrees to watch all the Japanese subway train grope porn that those silly samurai bastards love over there. Sounds like a wonderful love story to me.

He looks like a twerp and she looks like how I would imagine scientologists and/or Vin Diesel’s enemies in The Chronicles of Riddick look like.

Not in love with what is happening here. Julie Bowen is a reverse aging beauty and she has a pair of legs that make adults weep and you can’t see them and her hair looks like she’s just finished a marathon headbanging session at a Motley Crue reunion (all original members still alive surprisingly). I heard she won an Emmy, which is good.

I’m not sure what life after horrendous SNL is to bring Kristen Wiig, but at least she’s starting to look better at these awards shows. I remember a few of them where it literally looked like she got in a fight with her flat iron and stole a dress from the Salvation Army. Looking good, Kristen.

Couple of the year. I won’t lie, I have seen those pictures of Jon Hamm’s hamster running loose in his pants without any underwear to hold it at bay. I’m calling bullshit on those pictures. I’m saying they’re photoshopped. If they’re not photoshopped then I will instantly feel insecure around Jon Hamm if I were around him and would be forced to do something really gorilla-like to prove to him that I am also a man because I don’t want him to think he can just do whatever he wants to me. Also, his wife is pretty.

She can pull off this color I think, at least way more than Julianne Moore. I like that Danes won for “Homeland”. I mean I couldn’t give a fuck either way, but why not. Homeland is a great show and I’m thoroughly excited for it to start up again. Not sure about the top of this dress though. It kind of looks like they forgot about it. Don’t worry Diva Danes, we’ll pin it and fix it and sew it and cut it so that it “fits”, and then they forgot.

Did Portia lose a bet?

If she lost a bet then that’s ok. Happens to the best of us. Maybe she has a gambling problem and we should look into that.

If not, then, no. No, Portia! Bad, Portia!

Fucking Hell. TINA! Why does Tina Fey have to look this good? That’s my question.

I’m also not bending or breaking on the idea that she walks around in this type of stuff at home (when her kid is off strutting at pre-school) and her subservient gnome husband is hunched over in the corner masturbating and talking to himself like Gollum. PRECIOUS!

It’s TOO SOON. It’s simply too soon for all of us to make jokes about her and Will Arnett breaking up. It’s too raw and this wound may never heal with time. WHY?! Just stay married for America and your kids I suppose.

She tries.

I’ll give Ginnifer Goodwin that. She’s a very pretty woodland elf who was sexy cute on “Big Love”. Outside of that, all I really know Ginnifer for is her odd spelling name and her penchant for trying to look like she wants IT so hard on these Red Carpets. She does want IT, and the IT is to want IT. It’s like an ouroboros where she wants to want IT, so bad, but she’s really not wanting IT as much as she is wanting wanting IT, but that’s kind of like wanting IT. So fierce though. Why so fierce, Ginnifer? She just wants to want IT so fucking badly.

Ho-Lee-Fuck. Holy fuck. HOLY FUCK!

Where else are you supposed to look?! That’s what I want to know. Actually, I could give a fuck about that. I can’t help myself from looking and you shouldn’t stop yourself either. I mean they’re works of art. They were what was inside the Ark of the Covenant. It’s like 3 things came out of the Ark of the Covenant – Kristen Stewart, Kat Dennings’ boobs, and Jessica Alba’s ass. They all just want IT. Good Lord, look at those boobs. Men could go mad just staring at them. Women could go mad trying to make their own look like those. It’s like Kat Dennings merely exists so those boobs could be transported around more easily. Those boobs had to exist and thus Kat Dennings exists.

Woooooo!!!

I can’t stop looking at this picture. It’s insane. And if you can break connection with her boobs for a second, Kat is smiling and watching you watch her boobs. How is she not the greatest bank robber or something like that. Also, how is she not in every movie in a bikini? I’ll never understand that. It’s been awhile since those boobs for showed up in “40 Year Old Virgin” and still no director has put her in a revolving door of bikinis for 90 minutes. That’s fucking insane! This is how bad Hollywood is at making movies. That’s a surefire hit each and every time all the time.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Those boobs are now making me angry. That’s the process. First awe, then joy, then anger. It’s like when something is so beautiful it pains you because you know that one day you’ll be dead and never know something that beautiful again. That’s what it is like.

If that’s not fucking Cinderella – minus a tiara of course – then I don’t know what the fuck Cinderella is. Julianne Hough to play Cinderella with a bunch of crazy ass dance scenes. We start filming tomorrow.

—

There are literally over a hundred of these photographs and I can’t go through any more of them after the Kat Dennings one. It is basically all I can think about at this moment. But I suggest taking a look for yourself. Most look like they’re in bad prom dresses or bad bridesmaid dresses. But I did want to point out someone to you that I just do not understand in the fucking slightest.

That person – Kaley Cuoco.

I’ve seen an episode or two of “The Big Bang Theory”. She plays the pretty blonde who has a nice rack and cute personality across the way. She’s that hot chick who the nerd is trying to always be with. And on the show, she is every bit the hot girl she’s supposed to be. They dress her up in tank tops and sports bras and really just normal clothes I suppose, but she looks good and her boobs are always looking even better.

In real life, Kaley Cuoco either HATES being good looking or has the WORST stylist of all time.

This is Kaley at the Emmy’s…

Kaley’s doing herself no favors with that look on her face, but what’s up with her face and her hair? What are you doing, Kaley? It looks like she just got done climbing trees with the local neighborhood boys. I don’t like the dress either, but what’s up with the other stuff? If you’re thinking that’s bad or isn’t bad enough, here is Kaley at the pre-party fashion stuff dinners things…

Awwww… Kaley. What the fuck? What did you do to your head? Like your whole head. What’s going on there? You’ve got this crazy nest on top and are those dread lock twists on bottom. Who does that? Why would you want to be the person who does that? What’s happening, Kaley? Do we need to talk about something? Is this a bet you lost? Did you and Portia both make bets with the wrong people? Tell me, Kaley. You can trust me with this information and you can trust me that I’ll never do that to your hair. It looks like a crazy person combed your hair with sticks and then let some mama birds create a friendly nest in your head.

At the very least, have the people from “Big Bang Theory” dress you when you go outside because this is nuts.

We can help you, Kaley. Just let us. And never let that nut job who did this within a 100 yards of you.

—

How was your weekend?

Have a fucking fantastic weekend…

I hope you do.

I should be writing something else, but I’m getting sidetracked right and left.

The most recent hurdle in my mental road to accomplishing my task is this article…

http://finance.yahoo.com/blogs/the-exchange/cracking-pin-code-easy-1-2-3-4-130143629.html

It’s about breaking down people’s pin numbers or numeric passwords for really anything.

I’m not sure how I feel about some nerds in Seattle having my passwords for “research purposes”, but it did provide this interesting tid bit of an article.

Apparently, these are the top 20 most common ATM pin codes.

Just for your edification, mine isn’t up there. SUCKERS! That’s fucking right! I’m so fucking unique!

But… at the same time… here are the least used ATM pin codes:

Hmmmm… mine isn’t up there either.

Now, I’m curious where mine ranks, but not curious enough to go find out.

Generally speaking, my pin is nonsensical. I don’t know if one could put it together by looking at a bio of me with all the numbers associated with me like my birthday, street numbers I lived on or any of that. It’s not based on any of that. Actually, I didn’t even make up password. Well, I was the one who picked it, but the number combination was one of the many random ass passwords or number combinations my Dad has came up with that have absolutely no meaning whatsoever.

The man sees the world very differently than others. It’s like he’s Jim Carrey from “The Number 23”, but instead of seeing 23’s everywhere or some type of common theme, he sees common themes in things that are wildly uncommon nor have any theme at all or anything to do with anything, but he sees it. So, he’s crazy. That’s the similarity between him and Carrey. They’re both spouting out about patterns or something and you’re sitting there like Virginia Madsen and mouthing in your own head “what the fuck?”.

For instance, the license plate of my car starts with “NPJ”. NPJ? What does NPJ mean to anyone? Does it mean anything at all? But within seconds of seeing those license plates many years ago, my father’s instantaneous reaction was and I quote, “NPJ? No problem, Jord.” And to this day, I’LL NEVER FUCKING FORGET THAT EVER! Why on Earth would NPJ stand for “No problem, Jord” I’ll never know. I’ll never WANT to know, but it is what it is. There’s no denying it all these years later that the sheer insanity of that moment will stick with me forever. NPJ – No problem, Jord.

Same goes for my pin.

Years earlier, before I ever had an ATM card, we were in a sticky situation of needing to figure out a 4 digit code for something else. It was an argument deciding what number combination should be used. One that we all could remember. As we quietly tried to think of a 4 digit combination that would make sense, my father thought out loud as he oft does and shouted a near endless string of 4 digit possibilities that had no lucid attachment from one to the other.

In the end, I used one of the ones he shouted out as my pin because the number itself isn’t memorable to itself, but memorable for it being apart of this moment in time of wild expression.

And to this day, most passwords I use were past passwords that were randomly assigned to me one time or another that I’ve remembered and transferred over. For years, I used my friend’s password for his mIRC bot (remember that? mIRC? I’M SO OLD!) as many of my passwords.

Either way, to this very day, if I have to fill out paperwork that involves listing my car’s license plate – I remember it immediately because “NPJ” just has to fucking be “No problem, Jord”. Yep.

Have a great weekend.

Don’t take any synthetic drugs.

I’ll see you Monday.