I agree 100% with Tracy.

Thank God he said it and not me. He has a job and is famous and has money. If I said that on national television then I would be put in jail or at the very least gotten a “who the fuck are you?” from Charles Barkley.

Have a great weekend.

Miss Me?

January 26, 2011

I’m about half thru my week of vacation in Saint Thomas.

I’ve taken some pictures and have posted some of those said pictures on my twitter account – http://www.twitter.com/jordan_is_ok

Kelly likes IT, Kristen wants IT and Regis is too old to understand IT and fears IT.

Outside of Kristen Stewart still wanting IT…

Before I head to the beach for the day and try to fend off 3rd degree burns on all areas of my pale flesh, I will leave you with a wild video:

Here is Rip Torn attacking Norman Mailer with a hammer, which then turns into Norman Mailer biting part of Rip Torn’s ear off, which then turns into an enlightening discussion of who of the two is the greater “cocksucker” and “shit-eater”.

The info on the Youtube video does a great job summing up what happened in the video. But what is even more interesting is what a psychotic Rip Torn is… in all the greatest ways. He’s like the American Klaus Kinski.

Good stuff and a bit longer than the usual youtube videos, but very much worth it. If only for the fact that it proves that people in the 70’s had the same filthy mouths as people nowadays. They may have been the flower children and they may have artists, but they still called each other motherfucker and cocksucker like good ole’ Joe-internet handle in today’s world.

Also, if you pay attention to the subtitles, you’ll get to learn all those beautiful words in French. So… today’s post can also be labeled under #education, amirite?

So, what’s up? What’s going on? Tunisia, amirite? OBAMA! Am I right?!?! STEELERS!!!! AM I RIGHT!?!?!?!?!

Well, I think there was only one question this week and then that question was answered, but another commenter, so that worked. It’s like a damn brain trust down there. By “down there” I meant the comments section… not someone’s junk.

Anyway, I am having a random day trying to get my shit together before I leave on Sunday. That’s right – I’m leaving.

To where?

St. Thomas.

Jealous?

Maybe.

Not jealous?

Cynical.

Will I get sun burnt?

I would bet on it.

Does that mean I will be watching the NFL’s AFC and NFC Championship games internationally?

Yes. If you consider the U.S. Virgin Islands international.

Will I be posting next week?

I will be bringing my laptop. I’m not sure what I’ll be doing down there, but I’ll probably post some pictures.

Will I miss you all?

Of course. You will all be constantly on my mind when I’m drinking on a beach in the Caribbean.

Am I phoning it in today?

Yes. But I think you got a good thousands of words this week.

Any suggestions?

Netflix. A Prophet. If you read subtitles then it is a must see. Excellent.

Any other suggestions?

Booze + _______ works most times.

Any other other suggestions?

Jeez, ummm… watch Donald Glover and Aziz Anzari’s Comedy Central stand-ups if you haven’t already. Funniest stand-ups I have seen in a long time.

Any other other other suggestions?

Have a great weekend.

I figured it out.

I imagine the people at Vogue magazine are awfully full of themselves these days with how no one as of YET has called them out on their ripe with symbolism cover spread they did on Kristen Stewart.

Naturally, let me point out that Kristen Stewart does in fact want IT in all these pictures. That is a given like gravity, but if you don’t mention gravity in an equation then all the pissy four-eyed pencil havers in the room make snide comments about “is this all happening on Lecturn VII where there is no gravity” and you’re like “shut the fuck up, Steve, or I’ll wedgie you and drag you back to your old highschool to give you a swirley!” Then there is the usual throwing of Jello pudding snacks and Triscuits and it becomes a mess.

Besides these pictures being another testament to the want, they are also a pictorial metaphor that is quite well done by Vogue with Kristen Stewart personifying one of the eight Hindu Temples in the Maharashtra state of India that house eight district idols of Ganesha… in a pre-ascertained sequence. … OBVIOUSLY!

In layman’s terms, Kristen Stewart is Ashtavinayaka.

The first telling moment that these pictures are a metaphor for Ashtavinayaka is the frames of blacked out glass behind Kristen Stewart. There are nine frames in total, but only 8 are visible and there are 8 temples and there are 8 pictures in this set – so I mean what the fuck else are these pictures about VOGUE?!

This picture is clearly of the first temple Mayureshwar. It was built from black stone during the Bahamani reign, which is why Kristen is wearing black heels in this picture to symbolize the foundation that is her and of the famous Mayureshwar temple. The temple from a distance looks like a mosque on purpose to help prevent attacks on it during the Mughal periods. As for Kristen, her hair from a distance looks like she’s wearing a helmet and one knows never to fuck with someone wearing a helmet. No matter what the reason for the helmet, they have a reason and it means “stay away”.

The murti or depiction of Lord Ganesha is riding a peacock at Mayureshwar and it couldn’t be anymore obvious that Kristen’s dress is supposed to be that spotted peacock. What else could it be?! I mean really.

As you all are aware from just the first glimpse of this it is the second temple Siddhivinayak. This is the only murti of the eight where the trunk of Lord Ganesha is positioned to the right, and that trunk is the inexcusable amount of want coming from Ms. Kristen Stewart. These two black tie clad gentlemen here are 100% clearly a depiction of the two saints Shri Morya Gosavi and Shri Narayan Maharaj of Kedgaon who received their enlightenment at this temple. I mean it is as clear as fucking day! Come on! How have I not seen an article written about this?! What else is the picture supposed to be about? You tell me! If it isn’t about Siddhivinayak then I could only guess these two guys are tuxedoed gigolos who are about to have a threesome or run a train on the lovely Kristen Stewart and that can’t be possible. Kristen Stewart doesn’t hire gigolos. If she did they would probably wear flannels and not tuxedos.

The third temple is Ballaleshwar. The story behind the temple is Ganesha is believed to have saved this boy-devotee, Ballala, who was beaten by local villagers and his father (Kalyani-seth) for his single-minded devotion to him. And in this picture obviously Kristen Stewart is Ballala the wide-eyed in awe boy devotee looking up wantingly to Lord Ganesha in this strange sub-continent version of Oliver Twist. This temple is facing the East and Kristen is facing the East… if you move your computer monitor in the correct direction to face the East – if you’re not then you’re all feng shui-ed wrong. The shape of the idol itself bears a striking semblance with the mountain which forms the backdrop of this temple. This is more prominently felt if one views the photograph of the mountain and then sees the idol… and in this picture that is Kristen’s bunny buck teeth. Awww she’s got a little bunny overbite. It’s so cute. Just a wittle. Just a wittle bunnwy ower bwite. Yesh she does!

This is the fourth temple Varadavinayak. I’ve been double checking all my facts about these 8 temples with my own personal deity: Wikipedia. Instead of short sheeting Wiki on this one, it would just make more sense if I just let Wiki handle this temple. Here is the background story:

The handsome Prince Rukmangad refused sage Vachaknavi’s wife Mukunda’s illicit call, and was cursed to suffer from leprosy. Mukunda was satisfied by Indra who deceived her as Rukmangad and she bore a child by name Grutsamad. When Grutsamad came to know about the real story he cursed his mother Mukunda to become the tree of Bori and she in turn cursed him to bore a demon son named Tripurasur, the one who was defeated by Shiva after praying the Ranjangaon Ganesha. Grutsamad after getting cursed went to the forest of Pushpak and worshipped Ganesha. Sage Grutsamad is famous for the mantra GaNanaN Tva. He founded the temple and called this Ganesha: Varada-Vinayak.

And that is all Kristen Stewart’s hair.

Which is pretty self-explanatory.

As you can guess, this is Chintamani. The main story behind this temple revolves around a certain jewel, which is the Chintamani jewel. The Chintamani jewel is represented in this picture by Kristen Stewart’s boobs. Her boobs are literal rare jewels and after Ganesha re-obtained the Chintamani jewel the sage Kapila put the jewel in Ganesha’s neck and what is right below Kristen’s neck… her boobs or jewels. Right? Of course, Kristen Stewart holding her left leg is a reference to Ganesha’s left trunk. That’s no coincidence.

This is the Girijatmaj temple. The story is that Shiva’s wife Parvati performed penance to beget Ganesha at this point and that is why Kristen is in a frilly skirt by a window sill. That’s how you perform penance to beget Ganesha obviously. More importantly, this temple has no electricity and is worshiped during the day amongst the rays of the sunlight… same here with Kristen. We’re all worshiping Kristen Stewart by the light of the Sun. Yeah, I want to worship her in this picture. Worship the shit out of her. Worship her until I’ll need to refuel with Gatorade. She also looks like the sexiest American college student turned French cafe waitress. Could that be a movie? I think so. I think an international business man who takes frequent trips to said cafe while he is in Paris starts to fall for Kristen. As well as, a local starving artist who spends his days anti-socially toiling over his work in this cafe and after weeks of saying nothing to Kristen – he soon realizes that the muse, the love of his life has been quietly and politely serving him coffee each and every day. Then the two men try to woo Kristen – kind of like Shopgirl, but with a lot more coffee and badly translated French.

Boom! Fucking print.

This is the seventh temple Vighnahar. The Cliff’s notes of this temple is that the King of Gods created a demon and that demon destroyed one organized prayer and then went on to kill all these parishioners. The people then pleaded with Lord Ganesha to defeat this demon and Ganesha did because Ganesha gets shit done. Either way, this is Kristen Stewart and her want and the only way she could be defeated at this point is by Lord Ganesha. So Kristen Stewart is an all powerful demon… in this picture. Kristen Stewart is an unstoppable demon who will kill all of her worshipers and would need divine intervention to stop her from destroying the world… in this picture.

This is the last and eighth temple, Mahaganapati. The idol faces the east, is seated in a cross-legged position with a broad forehead, with its trunk pointing to the left. And this is the eighth temple and this is the eighth picture, so there ya go. Also, this temple is believed to be where Shiva worshiped Ganesha before fighting the demon Tripurasura… and we all know Shiva loved green ringer tee shirts, so there is that.

Thank you for going on this insane journey. Hope you enjoyed the “learning”.

Questions for Friday.

Kristen Stewart wants IT.

My Day Off Post

January 19, 2011

The United States of America once had a President named Lyndon Baines Johnson.

He carried a knife.

And used the word “bunghole”.

This isn’t crazy shocking forĀ  a man who forced people to follow him into the bathroom and listen to him verbally tear them to pieces as he took Presidential dumps. But it is still funnies.

I’m guessing LBJ carried a knife because he was basically a character from Huckleberry Finn fame who grew up to be President. But what would be even funnier is if all Presidents carried knives as apart of the position.

Here you go, Mr. President. This is your key to the White House, the codes for all nuclear warheads in the country, a coupon for a buy one get one free Papa John’s pizza with free delivery, and a knife.

Obama’s got a knife!

If I had an anarchist punk band – that would have just become our band name.

Imagine all the amazing posters of Barack Obama wielding a knife? Who wouldn’t buy a t-shirt of that?

Maybe the band could just be:

Presidents carry knives!

We are “Presidents carry knives!” and this is our song about the unwritten tales of sexual liberation of the Incas during the expansion of the American colonies. We call this song “Tomahawk fellatio”!

1!

2!

3!

4!

Or the original title…

“If you’re going to be made fun of by Ricky Gervais, you may as well wear an expensive ass dress for the occasion.”

I did not watch the Golden Globes because they’re stupid. I tried to think of something clever, maybe even a metaphor or at the very least an SAT level word with multiple upon multiple syllables, but “stupid” is 100% too accurate. I don’t know why I ever thought the Golden Globes meant anything when I was younger. Probably because I was too stupid to realize how stupid these awards are. Who the hell is the Hollywood Foreign Press? Hollywood is not foreign and Foreigners have no say in what the citizens of America do. And the “press”? Isn’t the media the enemy? And aren’t foreign enemies “terrorists”?

Basically the Golden Globes are who the terrorists think should win best supporting actor for a made-for-TV miniseries. Oh yeah, I’m tuning in to watch that shit.

Nevertheless, there are a lot of chicas y mujeres who attend this event and when they do attend they get all gussied up like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman aka whores. Am. I. Right? Uhhh… Anyway, if you can’t see Photobucket at work or in the state penitentiary you currently reside in then my bad and for the rest of you… P-I-C-T-U-R-E-S!

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Hailee Steinfeld from True Grit. I’m telling you, if you have a shot at this girl – fucking lock it up! Look at her in this dress. What are you 14 or 15? How many chicks do you know who dress like this? You’re fucking this up every second you are not asking this chick out! And by “this” I mean the REST OF YOUR LIFE. Did you see True Grit yet? That was fucking Matt Damon she was talking to. Matt Damon. You’re 14 so you probably don’t understand that movies get better than The Bourne Identity trilogy, but they do and either way Matt Damon is pretty bad ass. They don’t ask just anybody to read On The Road for the audio book. Or maybe they do. I don’t know. I don’t work in the audio book industry. I would like to, but it just hasn’t worked out that way yet. Either way, GET THE FUCK ON MARRYING HAILEE ALREADY!

Hailee should definitely be nominated for best actress. I’ll stop there because I hate the Oscars too. In my own crazy subjective mind, I’m just nominating people for an ongoing awards show that will never take place. And in it, Hailee Steinfeld is nominated for best actress for True Grit. Sadly, she loses to Natalie Portman in Black Swan, but Hailee does win “break out actress of the year” award, so that’s good.

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This chick is from Glee and she looks hot. She looks hot in a way where she looks legal as opposed to any of the shots I have seen of her dressed as a cheerleader from Glee where she looks crazy jailbait hot. For a show that is designed for heterosexual ladies and homos, there are a lot of hot teens on the show and usually dressed as cheerleaders. I think I grabbed a pic of Lea Michelle somewhere along the line, but all the kids from Glee were there and they all looked great. The black one, the redhead, the gay one, the other gay one, the Asian, the gay one, and Jane Lynch. Lynch looked the best I think I have ever seen her in a dress. I also don’t think I have ever seen her in a dress. Jane Lynch and I stopped going to dress parties along time ago.

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I appreciate the effort Megan Fox. I really do. I have absolutely no idea why you are anywhere near an awards show that does not also feature the words “Spike”, “Maxim” or “Best Makeout with Amanda Seyfried Award”. Is Megan Fox still making movies? Anyway, I like the pose. If she didn’t stand in this awkward manner then we would have no clue that there is an opening in her dress running from the floor up to her vagina and for that I say “God Bless You.”

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Yeah, I like it. Not that I was ever hiding it, but I am definitely a card carrying member of the “Elisabeth Moss get exponentially more bangable every time I see her” Union… also known as “Elisabeth Moss is a lovely young woman… who is begging for it, am I right?” Union. Yes we are a Union and get discounts at local Pep Boys auto shops. Moss is showing off all the shoulders and arms in this picture. All of ’em. As we all learned from Clueless, guys seeing naked skin on a lady makes them think of sex. What girls may not know is that everything makes guys think of sex, but sure nudity helps in that area as well. Yeah, she looks excellent.

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Not sure why J-Lo is at the Golden Globes, also I’m not sure why she looks so effin’ sad. What’s up, Lo? Do people still call her J-Lo? Do people still call her? Remember when her and Ben Affleck were the number 1 stars on the planet and the world hated them so much as a couple that the two of them literally destroyed their careers and have been fighting tooth and nail to get them back? I’m not digging this dress. I feel like this is a dress that an older actress would wear to show up she is still sexy past 60, but on J-Lo it looks like she is thoroughly depressed. Buck up, J-Lo. You’re on American Idol. You get to hang out with Ryan Seacrest and Steven Tyler all day… yeah you should just be depressed.

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Did you guys notice my bow flower? You didn’t? It is near my left shoulder. Do you see it? Do you think it is too big? I’m not sure if I think it is big enough. I mean I can’t see out of my left eye because of how big it is now, but my left eye is totally overrated.

And/or…

I’ll do anything to distract people from staring at my tits nowadays. How would you like it if your breasts were the number 1 article for a span of 3 months in every major and non-major media outlet? Well, I know one person who would like that same attention…

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BOOBS!

It’s ole’ Tits McGee over here.

Did anyone read that article about Eva Longoria being single and having BOOBS(!) because this just in both of those things are true.

What type of dress do you want? Long black with a belt… I just want my boobs to be on display like they’re the Hope Diamond.

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And she’s not from the future? I really think you all are incredibly wrong about this. When… not if… when Angelina Jolie reveals that she has been cutting down on traveling costs going back and forth between Los Angeles, New Orleans, Africa, and Thailand by using her own superhuman ability of flight … I for one will not be shocked. And/or she uses a teleportation device that has yet to be invented and only exists in “her time”. Angelina Jolie also looks like she stepped out of a comic book and she is evil in that comic book.

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Melissa Leo won for best supporting actress. I don’t remember who she was nominated against, but I could see her being awarded best supporting actress from a group of terrorists. Why not? Melissa Leo is good in The Fighter, but her character is kind of completely inconsequential in the movie because through all the shit that she puts Mark Wahlberg through everything kind of ends up fine and nothing is really made of her being dick to her own son. Whatevs… that movie was meh. She looks great though.

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This is Leighton Meester. I mention this because you may also mistake Leighton Meester for a background character in Gone With The Wind. I’m not sure if you need to remind these young ladies, but there is a ticking clock on the sexiness of youth and you’re wasting it in a dress like this. Think about it this way, Minka Kelly was named sexiest chick alive by some magazine this past year and Leighton Meester was hired for The Roommate because she looks remarkably twin like to Minka Kelly, so if I did my calculations correctly then she should be wearing half as many clothes as she is now. At least half.

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Bam! Green. Elisabeth Moss, Angelina Jolie and now Mila Kunis. I don’t know if any banks were robbed in the Los Angeles area over the weekend, but I would certainly watch a movie of the three of them in these dresses robbing banks. And cuddling. And showering. That’s the least Hollywood could do for me as I have sat through the horribleness of The Newton Boys and Public Enemies, which is oddly enough just as terrible as The Newton Boys. And Mila Kunis is single and I estimate by March she will be dating a male celebrity I literally hate.

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Amy Adams is the fucking cutest. I was going to make jokes about she must go to the same bow flower designer as Christina Hendricks, but Amy Adams is too fucking cute. I’m not wishing for her death or anything, but when she does die the scientists of the world better snatch her body quickly because I’m pretty sure they’ll be able to find a rare element in every cell of her body called “Cutetine” with a periodic symbol of Aa and it will change the business of making things cute forever. Also she looks pretty fucking great in a pair of booty shorts and a black bra – thank you The Fighter.

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Olivia Wilde y’all. I like it. It is definitely a different look for her and I didn’t recognize her at first, but I like it. I think she’s pulling this off really well. I feel like she is in one of those romantic comedy movies where the girl is in the dress maker’s shop and is trying on a dress and then she sees the guy of her dreams run by the window and she takes off running for him or something like that. I mean she looks good and her hair looks like it wasn’t ready to be in that dress, but I like it anyway. I don’t know, I like it.

Tron Legacy may have been the worst movie ever, but I like this looks you got there Olivia Cockburn. Yeah, that’s her real name. Get over it. Actually laugh for a few minutes and then get over it.

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Whaddup. I’m 4’10” of Jewish jailbait and I’m wearing a 10 foot dress. Also, doesn’t Lea know that Breast Cancer Awareness month was October? How tacky. She looks good. It’s too much for me personally. To me it looks like a giant king size comforter that she wrapped around herself and she is dragging it around with her.

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Looking good Julie Bowen. I just typed your name into Google to double-check the spelling of your name and the first words that populated after your name were “breast feeding”. That’s normal, right? Yahoo wasn’t too into this dress. I think it looks fine. I’m not into all the ruffles or dust clumps or whatever it is at the bottom of the dress, but she looks goods. The only real knock I have against the dress is that in no way shape or form are we able to see her amazing legs, which she put on full display on Conan a couple of weeks ago. I’m a big fan of Bowen. She looks like a classy lady. Why would you want me to make fun of a classy lady like Julie Bowen? What is wrong with you people? And by you people I mean the Vietnamese of course.

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Natalie “Preggers” Portman. My initial reaction when seeing this picture was humming to myself “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” by Poison. And Natalie is the rose and the thorn is her unborn baby half-French baby gestating in that delicate tummy of hers. That guy was French, right? Whatever. It was a baby conceived on the set of a ballet movie, so the kid is at least a quarter French for just that. And jeez Natalie, put those shoulders away. Hasn’t sex gotten you into enough trouble already?

Just joking. I would raise that half/quarter French child with Natalie Portman in a heartbeat. She should definitely win best actress for Black Swan and no one should see No Strings Attached because it looks horrible.

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This is the real Emma Stone or a wax statue of her? More than anything I believe that Emma Stone is playing the role of a silhouette in this picture. I don’t think I can see a definitive detail on her except the edge outline of her existence. It’s like someone photoshopped her into this picture with the magic lasso wand tool in MS-Paint.

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Yeah, she’s still here. Milla Jovovich is killing it right here. She looks amazing. She may look the best out of everyone shown thus far in my opinion. Why she is at the awards show? No fucking clue. Was she invited? Probably not. Would someone stop her? I hope not. She’s great looking and she has been extensively training in fight choreography for what seems like at least a decade now. I bet that bony bitch can throw a fucking wicked spinning back elbow that would cut your damn eye out. Nevertheless, her hair looks great, her dress looks great and she wants IT. And isn’t that all that matters?

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From the sneaky BOOBS collection comes Katey Sagal. I stopped watching Sons of Anarchy. I gave up on that show. I also gave up on Big Love. I stopped watching last season and then I caught the last 5 minutes of this season and I’m thoroughly over that show. I don’t know how many times I need to see those three wives arguing about the same nonsense over and over again and see Bill give the same speech over and over again about how he is trying to do his best. Anyway, Katey Sagal has some great cleavage going if you tilt your computer at the correct angle.

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HOME WRECKER! Did everyone read about that? Julia Stiles and Michael C. Hall are together and she broke up his happy little marriage with that other girl from Dexter. Weird right? She looks pretty pleased with herself about it. Bitch. Am I right ladies? This dress is pretty dramatic. Black. She looks good I guess, but this was for the Golden Globes? I mean if Adolf Hitler threw a master race ball at the Eagle’s Nest surrounded by stolen paintings from the Louvre then this would be purrr-fect.

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Boom. This is not that great of a picture, but Christina Aguilera was really sexing it up at the Golden Globes. I have seen a few references that she looked “Jessica Rabbit” – like and I see where those people are coming from. Either way, I think she looks pretty hot and I believe she grew up in Pittsburgh, so I’ll just assume she is a Pittsburgh Steelers fan and in doing so I am now in love with Christina Aguilera. Also, I know how to spell her name correctly without even looking it up on Google. So that’s a foundation for marriage, right? She still has all her pop-star money, right?

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Come on. Seriously. Sometimes I feel like I’ve wasted the time I’ve spent of fantasizing about Michelle Williams when I see pictures like this. What’s the deal? This isn’t the first time either. This above female will be playing Marilyn Monroe in a movie. They didn’t cast her because she just looked whatever. Is she going to a hippie wedding after the awards show? Is it a hippie wedding of a girl who didn’t want Michelle Williams to up stage her, so she specifically told her not to look like a hot chick who could possibly look like Marilyn Monroe level of hotness?

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Jennifer Love Hewitt, it’s a nice dress, but seriously? I would need to be in a helicopter to see your glorious cleavage. You have constructed a Berlin Wall between the wanting eyes of the world and your boobs. That wall looks more fortified than Helm’s Deep. What the fuck?

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Fucking BOOM! January Jones got the fucking memo. The BOOBS memo.

Honestly who the fuck cares about the rest of this picture? You know you are only staring at her boobs for the first 15 minutes then maybe at her hair and then straight back at the boobs. I believe Jason Sudeikis had a hand in picking this dress out. Honey? Should I wear the blue dress with the ribbons or the red dress where my boobs like fucking enormous? The red one? You sure? Ok.

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Yeah, that happened as well. Sofia Vergara knows how to wear a dress. Yes she is a comedian now, but there was a time where she was paid to wear dresses and just look fucking excellent in every outfit and position possible. Old habits die hard.

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Wow. Worst. What in the fuck is going on here? Is Sandra Bullock playing at Lilith Fair? Is this why Scarlett Johansson dumped Ryan Reynolds because he is into this? I feel like her hair is an alien parasite sucking out her body’s lifeforce. I may be wrong about that, but that is my guy instinct. Kill it with fire usually works.

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I love it. Black corset, micro skirt and see-thru window drapes – that’s a dress. Halle Berry will never not be great looking. Mark my words on that one. Seriously, what age is she? Because she has looked the exact same for the past 10 years at least.

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Can you believe I’m wearing this? Heheheheh, me neither. Hahahahah. I’m so giddy that I’m wearing this. I really hope this dress is for some charity or was designed by a kid with a handicap because outside of that someone should check if Julieanne Moore can see correctly. I’m just saying cataracts can sneak up on anyone.

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Hot. She looks like a doll. I don’t know if that is hot, I just know that is what it is. This is Barbie at the Golden Globes. Not much else to really say. Yahoo wasn’t impressed. Yahoo is lame.

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We get it. You’re artsy. Now dress like a fucking human.

If it weren’t for Fight Club then I could completely do without Helena.

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I’m still right with the 50 over 60 list.

If they ever do a James Bond in his retirement years then BLAM you have your Bond girl and dress right here.

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Sarah Hyland from Modern Family is legal. I swear. She looks amazing per usual. And legal. Definitely legal. Let me check IMDB for a second one more time… and yes still legal. Yeah, she’s good looking and of an age of consent.

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Lastly, Tina Fey because why the fuck not. Arguably the most talented of the women listed here and she looks great. Just a classy dress. Not trying too hard and looking like an idiot like some of these women. And at the same time, she looks great. She’s a classy lady.

And she writes funny dick and fart jokes. So really classy.

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