I Kill Things, The Steelers, ‘White Trash’ Means Gay, Movie Review, Mad Men – On A K-Stew blog?

Today’s post will be random. Real random. I thought of a couple of ideas for this week, but today will just be random. More or less, it will revolve around things I noticed over this past weekend that may or may not have anything to do anything and it will be in reverse order of how the weekend played out. I will mention things like I just kicked the shit out of another fly at my desk. Where am I? Kenya? I don’t know why there are so many flies in my office, but thank God they are susceptible to the yellow Post-It notes pad of DEATH! I’m 2 for 2 killing flies with this Post-It notes pad. I won’t take 100% credit. I think that the pad itself should get about 35% credit. Who knew 3M was creating such a perfect killing weapon to thwart the existence of flies and a handy tool to write down little reminder notes at the same time.

Also, my computer is running at 1/3 the speed it usually runs at for some reason. I think my computer has a case of the ole’ Mondays. It is stalling when I request it to do anything. And yes, I request my computer to do things. I don’t demand. I politely ask “Would you kindly open Microsoft Outlook?” And the computer makes a little clicking noise which I take as a gentlemanly tip of the cap and then Microsoft Outlook opens. Usually the request and follow thru are not far apart, but today it’s like we are on a satellite feed delay. So we’ll see how this post will go. Unless I can just handwrite you all letters about Kristen Stewart wanting IT.

Minus the topic of killing flies via yellow sticky note pads, today’s first topic will be FOOTBALL! Steelers won, again. The Black and Gold defeated the nothing special Cleveland Browns, but a W is a dubya is a double-U. So I’m happy with that. Per usual, the game was not available on television in my area so I had to get creative. I listened to the first quarter via an internet radio stream which unexpectedly died with a minute left in the 1^st. No idea why. I really don’t know why it is so hard to get an internet radio stream to work, but it was. I then found something much better: video! Who knew!?! Actually, I’ve watched Steelers’ games on the internet before. Usually I find myself benignly supporting terrorism by watching some Iraqi ESPN stream which needs to be refreshed every two minutes. This time it went much smoother on a stream from a non-axis of evil website that I found on da’ google.

Big Ben Roethlisberger is becoming quite the prolific passer. I have heard critics comment that the Steelers are a run first franchise and this year they are failing at that. Well, I’m a win first fan. So I don’t give a fuck if they win by running, passing, defensive touchdowns. As long as they win. They could line up and score 15 field goals each game and never score a TD again and as long as they walk away the victors each time then I could certainly care less. Anyone who tells you different is being an idiot. Also, Troy Polamalu was back and had a goal line stand interception. It is very comforting seeing those black flowing curly locks of his scampering around out there … right before he tattoos someone in their knees.

As for the games that were on television for me to see, Giants fans shouldn’t commit suicide just yet. They did get peed on by the New Orleans Saints, but outside of that game the G-Men have looked strong. They’ll get back into the swing of things soon enough. You can’t be undefeated forever. And with that, the New Orleans Saints, the Minnesota Vikings and the Indianapolis Colts will remain undefeated forever! Nah, I’m joking, but those teams are looking grrrrreeeaat.

Meanwhile, I’m perfect/undefeated in Fantasy Football. I owe a lot to Tom Brady and the New England Patriots for padding their stats against the Tennessee Titans. Up until yesterday, Randy Moss was having a dismal season and yesterday he had 3 touchdowns. Over the past 5 weeks, Tom Brady had thrown for 6 touchdowns. Yesterday he doubled down and added another 6 touchdowns. Tom was throwing for all the touchdowns yesterday. At the end of the day, everyone had a touchdown. I just looked at the Patriots stats line and I have a touchdown. I dosed off during the game at some point and I must have astral projected myself to Foxborough and caught a 33 yard touchdown pass. I give all the credit to Dan Brown and his horrible book The Lost Symbol which taught me the human soul exists and can be used for wicked cool things like in sci-fi movies. By the way, this book is not getting any better and, thankfully, is almost over.

Speaking of yesterday, I was the anti-Christ to Kristen Stewart’s Christ. I spent the entire day in sweatpants and a zip-up sweatshirt. I laid on the couch in various positions from 1pm until 11:30pm. It was a pretty typical Sunday. I completely did not want it. I wanted it so little yesterday. There was some energy in me during the Steelers game, but for the most part I just haphazardly laid around. Outside of getting up to make whatever meal I was about to eat, I’m pretty sure I was in some version of a horizontal degree by far the majority of those hours.

Besides football, my hangover was also a pretty great anchor to keep me tied to the couch. I’m not sure how many beers I had Saturday/Saturday night, but upwards of 15-20 sounds about right. I began the day with a pumpkin ale and eventually found myself drinking half a dozen Miller High Life bottles at some point. I was at a “white trash” themed party at an open bar in Hoboken on Saturday. And those people wanted it.

Actually, I believe most people who dress up for a themed boozefest “want it”. As mentioned they were supposed to be “white trash”. As for the women, they wanted it. The girls at this bar were for the most part dressed in short jean skirts or jeans in general. Most of them wore tight and low cut “wife beater” white undershirts and then topped with an elegant trucker hat. The white undershirt look is a great look on girls. Girls look really hot in a simple white undershirt or a white tank top or well anything that is tight and low cut and shows lots of cleavage. Men wear white undershirts for various reasons (to be arrested on COPS, to go to a dance club, to pretend like you are from the 50’s) and all of them do not yield as positive results as when a woman wears one.

So all the chicks looked great, what did the guys look like? Gays. First, there were more guys dressed up than girls and not all of them were dressed how I’m about to describe. I did not consciously dress up for this open bar. I was wearing jeans and a flannel shirt which apparently was white trashy, so my subconscious dressed me appropriately. Who knew? The few understated white trash guys were wearing the exact same thing I was and they meant to be white trashy. I just thought it was cold out. I had a short sleeve shirt, a long sleeve shirt and a flannel on. It is fucking cold! I wasn’t expecting that to be a white trash outfit. But they did all grow out wild mustaches which I did not have. Maybe they were just cold as well and decided to wear flannels and the mustaches were the white trash costume. Maybe they were cold and they just like mustaches and in their own minds they didn’t think they were white trashy at all and were just out having a good time. STOP BEING PREJUDICE! I don’t know. Nevertheless, the gays(!).

The rest/majority of the guys at this party were not understated gay men. They were flamingly homosexual I’m selling my body at the local truck stocks from Mississippi to Georgia gay. In cut off jean shorts and southern inspired sleeveless t-shirts that stopped above their belly button. Also most of them had handle bar mustaches. I have no problem with any of this. It was just odd that over a dozen guys all came to the same conclusion that when they were presented with the idea of being “white trash” they immediately began to dress as an effeminate southerner who may have been banished from his hometown for being so overtly gay not unlike Little Richard. I’m fine with them dressing that way, but I just wanted to mention to them that “white trash” is not synonymous with “all men’s bath house whore with a confederate flag”. Oh and all these guys wanted it. If Kristen Stewart’s want could be channeled to appear as the slab of skin that links the exposed beer gut to just right about the peenjack of a late 20’s guy from New Jersey then I saw it – a lot, way too much of it – on Saturday night.

After I left the bar at 2 am, I didn’t have any cash on me to get a cab back to Jersey City and I thought I was too full of cheap beer to wait for mass transit. Not enough people share that sentiment with me because I have a lot of stories of seeing people openly vomiting on the PATH trains. Back to the point, the bar had an ATM with an outrageous $3 surcharge. What is this a strip club? So I went onto the streets in search of a mini-mart. About 15 minutes later I found one still open. I took out some money and I was drunk, so I wanted it. I ended up purchasing a bag of shredded cheese, a pre-made chicken parmigiana wrap, and some hummus. I think the cash register guys were as confused as I was. But each item came in very handy in my couch laying on Sunday.

Going back in time to Friday, I saw Where the Wild Things Are. I highly suggest that you all see this movie. Especially, if you’re white. Especially, if you’re white and you like indie rock music. Especially, if you’re white, you read pitchfork, you are a liberal and you live in the North East, Los Angeles or any other democratic major city. It’s really good. I’m not saying you have to be those things to like the movie, but I certainly think it helps. Some things are not necessarily made for just one audience, but clearly they are preaching to the choir, like Bored to Death.

I think people of all races, genders, ethnic backgrounds and so forth can like that show, but it wouldn’t hurt if you were a white, male, from NY/NJ, late 20’s/early 30’s, drinks regularly, smokes pot, liberal, a hopeless romantic, and fancies themselves a writer. I fit in pretty well with those themes that are not only mentioned in the last sentence, but are the key themes for every episode of the show thus far. So I understand when people say they don’t like the show if they are not in that particular group cited. Maybe I didn’t like Sex and the City because I’m not a white, rich, female, Manhattanite, who spends all her free time and money on shoes and being a big martini soaked slut. Also it could’ve been because of the bad writing. But who is keeping track?

But I digress; Where the Wild Things Are was a very good movie. It was an intimate portrayal of the emotional human psyche through the eyes of a child who is dealing with the on-going crisis of growing up. It was beautifully shot. Spike Jonze made a very very good looking movie. The monsters were terrific looking as well. In equal parts: you wanted to grab a hold of their thick fur and, at the same time, you wanted to run away screaming from their sharp teeth and claws. Also, the subtle and not-so-subtle sadness each of the monsters carried with them in every scene led to a very emotional movie. It wasn’t a movie that solved any problems or had big action scenes, but was really a delicate experience.

It was mostly melancholy, but it had a sweet ending. I’m not sure what people expected from this movie. It is what I expected it to be. I thought Spike Jonze and Dave Eggers did the original source material justice and made quite an interesting movie about feelings from a 90 word children’s “book”. I love the kid’s book, but people need to relax with calling this a “book”. It is 90 words! “Illustrated poem” would be a better description than “book”. This isn’t CS Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia or Harry Potter. Those are “books”. They are thousands of words with dozens of characters. Where the Wild Things Are is beautiful, but “book” is a little over-the-top.

At 26 I was seeing a “children’s” movie on an opening Friday night meanwhile a 15 year old goth mall walking Hispanic boy asked me if I could buy him a ticket for Paranormal Activity. I wanted to say “only if you stop dressing like a freak”, but I am a nice guy. I bought him the ticket. I also wanted to say to him “I hope you are scared shitless of ghosts for the rest of your life” when I drug deal handed him the ticket. But I didn’t. I instead considered that my good deed of that day, buying an underage kid a ticket to see a Rated R movie.

So that was my adventurous weekend. I have a very strange weekend this week at work which means KSWI posts may be running on a different schedule than usual. More about that as the week progresses. But one last thing, Abigail Spencer fucking wants IT. I don’t know who does or does not watch Mad Men, but she is in it. I mentioned her once before that she is the elementary school teacher who wants it. Her wanting it has only grown by leaps and bounds since then. She was absent for a couple of episodes and her want must’ve went through puberty because when she reappeared recently jugging along a dark road by herself and Don pulled up to her in his car – SHE WANTED IT! And since then she’s been getting it.

A lot of people are curious about Kristen Stewart and her wanting it. What happens when she gets it? Like that ever stopped someone from wanting more of “it”. It took the Boston Red Sox 86 years to win a World Series. Those people wanted it. And guess what? They still want it. They didn’t pack up the Red Sox when they finally won the World Series in 2004. They won it again in 2007. And I’m taking a wild guess they wanted to win it this year and next year and the year after that. Abigail Spencer’s character is actively getting it from Don Draper and she only wants it even more. In last night’s episode, covered in sweat from “getting it” she breathily whispered to Don Draper “I want to scream”. Those are the words of someone who wants it. Good job, Abigail Spencer – you want it.

If I had a weekly award for who wanted it the most outside of Kristen Stewart then Abigail Spencer wouldn’t need to work on her acceptance speech. Abigail could just turn to the cameras and say “I want it”. Then cue the music.