This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants—- the CONTEST

I believe I have figured out the prizes for the “Kristen Stewart wants IT and so do I” contest, which will end August 9th. I will also be adding a tab about this contest at the top of the page next to the eternal question “Who is Kristen?”. I may or may not also remind everyone in every post from now to August 9th that there is a contest in which you take a picture of yourself wanting IT or doing an impersonation of Kristen Stewart wanting IT and send it to jordankswi@gmail.com and in doing so you may or may not win one of the unique prizes I have thought up for this contest.

Depending on how many entrants there are there may be multiple winners. Either way, the winner(s) will get to choose their prize instead of me deciding for them. It’s like a grab bag if the bag of the grab bag was see-thru and you know exactly what you are grabbing for in that bag of grab bagginess.

Prizes:

Jordan Newmark Short Story – I will write a short story for you and only you. This short story can be about whatever you may want. Fan fiction, horror, mystery, bunny rabbits? Your choice. The story will be under 20 pages long.

Jordan Newmark Read Audio Book – I will make an audio book for you. I will read any book of your choosing that is under 600 pages long.

Vision: Ripper Skateboard – This is an original Vision skateboard that may be from 1987. It is the “Ripper” model. It has all its original parts and it may or may not have ever been ridden ever. It was given to me as a present when I was a small child and has been taken care of and sat in my room since I was that child. Now it could be yours. Either to add to whatever shrine you have built to me or that you will have built to me or it could be used like an actual skateboard.

$40 Consumer Shopping Network gift card – for their website at csn.com

A Mess Of Crumpled $1 Bills – the mess totals in at $36

The Bad Standards Song – I have contacted the band The Bad Standards through their twitter account and they have agreed that they will write and record a song about whichever winner chooses this prize. They genre of the song may also be up for debate considering they have recorded blues songs, reggae, classic rock, prog rock, rap, soul, latin rock, dance club, world, and electro.

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Very great and very unique prizes.

But, I would like to address the negativity/skepticism and general unfunness from some of the commenting staff regarding the contest. Actually, let me address directly their comments that they may not send pictures of themselves, but can’t wait to see other people’s pictures. WRONG. If I am not satisfied with the cooperation of the commenting staff then you will not see ANY pictures from contestants. Instead the contestants with be emailed the other contestants pictures or given a link to another website where the contest can be held in a more private setting. How does that sound? This is a participation website. If you want to see what others have sent in then you too need to get involved.

Besides that, what on Earth are you people afraid of? The only person who is ever attacked on this website is me. Everyone else is great and wonderful and kisses and hugs and flowery this and flowery that and we love you “totes”, so any picture you send will be praised more than enough for your self-confidence to sky rocket past the former planet Pluto.

With that said, I have already received several entrants for this contest. To those that have emailed me their entrant pics, so quickly THANK YOU. All entrants have until August 9th, so no rush. I know some would like to really capture their want perfectly, so they may need to think up what they really want and in doing so that may take a few days. I get it.

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Lastly, I believe I only received one actual question from a commenter.

If Satan had a last name, what would it be?

Excellent question. Satan, Lucifer, The Light Bringer, The Southern Star, The Morning Star, The Devil, El Diablo et cetera is known by many names. Many many many names. One last name would not capture the spirit that all of Satan’s first names have. So, Satan would have many last names. Strangely enough I know what those last names are. Simply, anyone who does not send in an entry for the “Kristen Stewart wants IT and so do I” contest is one of the last names of the Devil. Yep. So let’s say your last name is Jones and you do not send in an entry for the contest then one of the Devil’s last names is Jones because of your non-action.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. Actually I only hope you have a great weekend if you are going to enter the contest. This is my Alamo.