It Is Official – Dakota Fanning Is Now Legal In Georgia

February 23, 2010

Happy Birthday Dakota Fanning!

Today is Dakota Fanning’s “sweet” sixteen birthday which means that she now can… be sixteen? She’s a rich celebrity who probably can do whatever she wants anyway. Seriously, who is going to stop Dakota Fanning from doing anything? If a cop saw Dakota Fanning buying a bottle of gin, that cop wouldn’t stop Dakota. It’s Dakota Fanning! She’s not going to be irresponsible with that bottle of gin. She’ll probably just take it home with her and sip on a modestly poured cocktail in a 1950’s highball glass while reading the latest scripts. She’s a career woman. The cop would probably give her a tip of his hat and say, “I loved you in Man on Fire. That last scene on the bridge had me in tears.” And he wouldn’t be lying either because we were all in tears during that seen. CREASY!!!!!

Either way – HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Dakota!

In my effort to memorize the Internet Movie Database, I went to Dakota Fanning’s page the other day and clicked on the “mini-bio/trivia” section. It was filled with some really random information and some interesting information. In today’s post we will all learn about said trivia and, obviously, my “unique” take on that trivia. But, first, I will say this – I am a fan of Dakota Fanning. And not just because of this damn Runaways movie. I have not seen many movies that Dakota Fanning is in – I Am Sam, Uptown Girls (I had HBO and I was in college with a lot of free time), Man on Fire, War of the Worlds, and New Moon – but she is great in the ones I have seen.

Also, her younger sister, Elle, is great as well. Usually (read: almost every fucking time), there is a kid actor in a movie and THEY SUCK! But these two, Elle and Dakota, are actually great. I can only think of like 5 kid actors I don’t hate in movies and two of them are these sisters. And they both have worked with Denzel Washington! Excellent work, Joy and Steven Fanning. I’m not sure what you are doing in Conyers, Georgia to raise kids who act well, but don’t stop now! Have you seen the garbage kid actors in every other movie? Go have another kid. Have a ton more. Start taking hormone therapy medication and have octoplets of little Meryl Streep’s and Marlon Brando’s.

If I was a film studio executive, I would make the Fanning’s have more children. And/or I would have had Elle and Dakota working sweat shop hours to have them portray all the children in all the movies. Just think – Little Anakin Skywalker? Dakota Fanning with a buzz cut. Just think how much better that movie would have been!?! … and Jar Jar Binks gets shot in his stupid head 10 seconds after we meet him to a standing ovation of applause.

Anyway – it’s triiiiivia time, it’s triiiiiivia time, it’s t-r-i-v-i-a triiiiivia time, it ain’t no ooooother time, it actually is 10:21 am tiiiiime, but that just is a moment in tiiiiiiime during the triiiiiiivia tiiiiiiime, I’ve lost my miiiiiind, not because of triiivia time, don’t blame triiiivia time, because it’s triiiiivia time.

Learned to read at age 2.

I guess this is fast or completely on target. I have no clue. It sounds fast though. I wasn’t necessarily a “stupid” kid, but as far as I know my reading and speaking skills were the worst when I was that age. I had 5 words that I called everything and didn’t deviate from that for a few years. Also, I went to a kindergarten where the most advanced activities we took part in were “finger painting” or “stacking blocks”. It doesn’t seem to have affected me too much in the long run. So stop bragging, Dakota! Jeez! Ok, great, you were the quarterback in High School, but you’re 52 now, a drunk and a bad custodian. Not even a good custodian, but a bad one. Make something of yourself!

When she received the Best Young Actor/Actress award from the Broadcast Film Critics Association for her performance in I Am Sam (2001), she was too short to reach the microphone to give her acceptance speech. Presenter Orlando Bloom held her up to the mike for the duration of her speech, which turned out to be quite long.

There is a lot of repetition on this page, which is not surprising because she is 16! She was 15 like 20 seconds ago, so how much “trivia” could there really be? It was a cute moment, but they keep making a point that Bloom had to hold her up for so long. Shut up, Bloom! Pfffft, Orlando!?! She was 7. He was holding up a 7 year old girl for like 90 seconds. Big deal. If Orlando Bloom held up Kathy Bates today for 90 seconds then I would be impressed.

Began her acting career at 5 when she was picked for a Tide commercial.

At 5, I was pretending sticks were laser guns in my backyard with or without friends.

Her father named her Dakota, her mother named her Hannah. She then was named Hannah Dakota Fanning.

This is also brought up a few times. It really isn’t as great of a story as IMDB thinks it is. Where’s the drama!?! He wanted this, she wanted this and they compromised perfectly. Fuck you, IMDB. How about Stephen wanted Dakota and Joy wanted Hannah, so they each chose a single action Colt pistol and prepared for a gun battle to the death at dawn. But on the eve of the duel, a priestess under a full moon came to them in their Georgian home. Dressed in the blood of her elders she cried…

Her favorite films include Gone with the Wind (1939), Titanic (1997) and Steel Magnolias (1989).

I guess. She is a girl after all. And a young one at that. Titanic? Really? You worked with Steven Spielberg! How about Empire of the Sun? Or The Color Purple? I know this will hit a nerve with some of you, but I’m glad she didn’t say Pretty Woman. Oh my idolatry! I do not like that movie. She’s a prostitute! “Richard Gere is such a wonderful man”. Really? Really!?! He is a man who pays for sex. Why is it a problem when I pay for sex, but not when he does? It’s just hypocritical. And why is that girls never want to meet my prostitute friends? But you loved Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman! Either love the movie and be cool with me and my prostitutes or don’t like the movie and actually have a leg to stand on when you yell at me about spending all my free time with prostitutes. One or the other!

Collects dolls.

Yeah, no shit. She is a kid.

Loves to knit and has knitted scarfs for Tom Cruise, Robert De Niro, Denzel Washington, Oprah Winfrey, Steven Spielberg and Tim Robbins.

Listen up, IMDB – it is “scarves” not “scarfs”. One day, IMDB, when I stab you in your internet eye because you gave me false hope about an On the Road movie directed by Walter Salles it will be with “knives” and not “knifes”.

For the ‘sad’ scenes in I Am Sam (2001), she thought of her pet goldfish, Flounder, dying.

That is amazing stuff. Have you seen I Am Sam? Phenomenal. If I was an actor and they asked me to cry on camera, I would think about Dakota Fanning crying in I Am Sam while she is thinking about “Flounder”. That movie is so sad and beautiful. I have only seen it once because I’m never like “Hey Jordan, do you want to cry forever today?” And I know girls do have those moments and that is why there is a MAN as President always. Can’t have POTUS curled up on the sofa watching Fried Green Tomatoes with a quart of Haagen Dazs just because she feels like having a “good cry”.

Carries a book of baby names with her wherever she goes.

Errrr… I hope this is old trivia and not something she still does. Dakota is pretty, famous, rich and successful, but a book of baby names in her back pocket will scare away 99% of any guys who try to ask her out. And the 1% are old blind gay men. Because even a sighted gay guy would run and a blind straight guy would at least sense it. But life is too tough for an old blind gay guy for him to give up on any opportunity for love even with a baby name book its backpocket.

On her eleventh birthday,Tom Cruise gave her a cell phone.


During filming of War of the Worlds (2005), Tom Cruise gave her an iPod.

Jeez, Tom. Stalk much? HAHAHAHAHAHAh… hahah… whooo… hmmm

Actually, this is a reoccurring theme in the trivia section – “shit people gave to Dakota”. Or at least that is what I’m calling it. “Shit” meaning “presents” because I know you commenters love the curse words. Maybe it should be “motherfucking fuck shit fuck presents fucking given to Ms. Dakota Fanning by fucking shit fuck exceedingly famous male motherfucking celebrities she worked with in a fuckity fucking fuck shit fucking movie”. And it is “Ms.” because she is 16 and a lady.

Back to the presents, Tom gave her a cell phone and an iPod. Not bad, Tom. Generally, I would say giving an 11 year old a cell phone is a bit ridiculous, but this is Dakota Fanning after all. The chick is making Hollywood power moves and not just calling her Middle School friends to talk Gossip Girl. And an iPod is a great gift. It is easy to use, even if you have a first generation iPod it is still a great item, they’re ergonomic. Also, I like Tom Cruise. I went through his filmography with Dawgz the other day. We concluded that 80% of the movies he has been in have been at least “good”. Most actors were not even topping 50%. And in that 80% of “good” there are flat out amazing films, a bunch of them. So Tom does no wrong in my book. Oh he jumped on a couch? Fuck you. The dude made Top Gun. Grow up already.

On her 10th birthday, Robert De Niro gave her a doll that looked like Dakota’s character in Hide and Seek (2005), with the brown hair and blue eyes.

Pretty good gift. For Dakota this gift seems to be perfect. She collects dolls, it is a doll of her, she was fucking 10 years old. And you know that De Niro didn’t cheap out on the doll. He probably paid a lot for the doll to be made. Good thread or cotton or double stitch or something. So good job, Bobby D. But maybe IMDB is not telling us the whole story. Maybe Mr. De Niro has a doll made for every opposite lead in whatever movie he is making on their birthday. Now that would be a fucking creep show and a half! I would have paid to see Robert De Niro presenting a doll he had made of Wesley Snipes to him on the set of The Fan. Also, I now want a Wesley Snipes doll. MAKE IT HAPPEN, DE NIRO!

After filming Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story (2005), Kurt Russell, who plays her father, bought her a palomino horse, whom she named Goldie. Goldie lives on a ranch near Dakota’s home where she can visit him often.

BOOM! FUCKING BOOM! A fucking horse!?! A fucking real horse!?! Wow, Kurt Russell is the KING of present giving. Seriously, he makes Tom Cruise and Robert De Niro look like chumps. A fucking phone? An iPod? I currently have an iPhone which does both of those things and it cost less than $100. A doll? A doll that Dakota can’t even play with and she will most likely grow out of collecting dolls. But a damn horse? Wow. Just wow. Kurt Russell, folks. I always wanted to befriend Kurt Russell before – Escape from New York, Big Trouble in Little China, Overboard, Tango & Cash, Backdraft, Captain Ron, Tombstone, Stargate, married Goldie Hawn and raised Kate Hudson, had a kick ass mullet for like ever – but now I need to invite him to a birthday party of mine stat. Maybe he’ll buy me a Wesley Snipes doll.

Is the youngest member of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts & Sciences (she joined in 2006).

This may explain why the “Academy” never nominates the right movies to be best picture. She was 12. Fucking 12. She wasn’t even old enough to see a stupid PG-13 movie by herself and she is deciding what is the “best picture” of the year. Come on. Currently, it is still illegal for her to purchase a ticket to see a Rated-R film because she is SIXTEEN! I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Dakota. I lost my temper there. It’s not your fault. The Academy has sucked for…*thinking*…. however long the Academy has been around for I guess. Dakota, as long as you thought The Dark Knight should have been at least nominated for Best Picture then we can be friends again.

Speaking of the greatest movie of all time, I would have given The Dark Knight every award last year. I would have literally just written “The Dark Knight” in every category regardless of what that category was.

Best Picture: The Dark Knight

Best Actress: The Dark Knight

Best Documentary: The Dark Knight


Congressional Medal of Honor: The Dark Knight

NBA Defensive Player of the Year: The Dark Knight

Maxim’s Top 100 Hottest Female Celebrities: THE DARK KNIGHT

AVN – Best Gangbang Scene Featuring Anal – THE DARK KNIGHT!!!!!

Was ranked #9 in E’s most cutest child stars all grown-up even if she still is a child.(2005)

Ummmm… Excuse me “E”, but I think Chris Hansen has something to talk to you about. Am I right? She was 11. “All grown-up”? Who is in charge of making those lists, “historical reference from the 1600’s”? Also, is it weird that I’m more disgusted at “most cutest” than I am that they chose an 11 year old as an “all grown-up”. Most cutest? I guarantee you if I applied for a job at “E” I wouldn’t get hired, but “most cutest” has a job there. This world is fucking unfair.

I won’t lie to you, #9!?! Who is most cutester than Dakota?

Her first word was “Momo,” which was the family cat’s name.

My first words were “ball” and “truck”.

For her, the hardest thing at the end of a movie is saying goodbye to the cast.

Awwwwwwwwwww…. Because she is a kid!

Hadn’t read all the books from the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer before she was cast in New Moon (2009) but she wanted to do it, because she loved the cast, and the movie.

Dakota, let me save you some time and say “don’t read the books”. I’ll just tell you how they end and save you the trouble – in the end THEY SUCK. That’s the end. Or I could rewrite that as “in the end THE BOOKS ARE A WASTE OF YOUR TIME WHEN YOU COULD HAVE BEEN READING ANY OTHER BOOK THAT WAS BETTER.”

While filming Push (2009) in Hong Kong, she wasn’t recognized.

Come on. Not once? Step up your game HK-China. Seriously, she was in Man on Fire – that movie was the illest.

And finally, a quote from Dakota Fanning regarding being an actress:

“I’ve always wanted to be an actress, ever since I was a little girl. I’ve always played the mom and I play my sister as the daughter. I wanted to be an actress on television and movies instead of just around the house.”

Some people wait their whole lives to achieve their dream. Some people like Dakota Fanning waited 5 years… when she turned 5! Or let’s really figure this out. She started reading at 2 years old. And let’s say there was a wayward year after that when Dakota was thinking about how she wanted to spend the rest of her life. What are we at now? 2+1 = 3! Between the ages of 3 years old and 5 years old, Dakota Fanning was not achieving her dream and since then SHE HAS!

Fuck, I am depressed.

Happy Birthday, Dakota Fanning.


45 Responses to “It Is Official – Dakota Fanning Is Now Legal In Georgia”

  1. Cristalena said

    aww man so true about Man on Fire, I’ve only seen it like twice because I always end up crying like a baby.

    I’ve seen a lot of Ms. Fanning’s movies and she never disappoints. I always remember the huge deal the media made over her rape scene in Hounddog but the movie itself kinda disappeared.

    I’m still deciding whether i like it or not.

  2. Cristalena said

    i wanna hate her for being insanely successful and filthy rich but then she just looks at me with that blue doe-eyed look and i just can’t!

    damn you dakota!

  3. Crystal said

    “motherfucking fuck shit fuck presents fucking given to Ms. Dakota Fanning by fucking shit fuck exceedingly famous male motherfucking celebrities she worked with in a fuckity fucking fuck shit fucking movie” <— fucking gold.

    I don't really get the hype about The Dark Knight. I just don't get it. Batman is and will always be Michael Keaton. The end.

    Happy Birthday Ms. Fanning.

    • For me, Batman Begins and The Dark Knight were kind of game changers. Batman was pretty corny. Batman & Robin even cornier. Early Batman stuff was pretty laughable whereas The Dark Knight was badass. Like… I sort of believe that that Joker could exist. And that is terrifying.

      It’s probably personal preference; I just like my Batman’s to be darker and more serious. And less KAPOW. But I will give you that Christian Bale’s Batman voice is a little ridiculous. And I totally loved the old Adam West TV show growing up.

      Ok, I’ve met my nerdy quota for the day.

    • MLF said

      I don’t get it either. I never saw it. I probably won’t.

    • kristenstewartwantsit said

      “I don’t really get the hype about The Dark Knight. I just don’t get it. Batman is and will always be Michael Keaton. The end.”

      Ugh. Even Michael Keaton wouldn’t agree with that statement.

      • Crystal said

        We can agree to disagree then. And I highly doubt Michael Keaton would SAY he agrees because it would make him look like a douche, but I bet he agrees.

        I didn’t think Batman was cheesy at all, the sequels got much worse.

      • kristenstewartwantsit said

        “Batman” with Michael Keaton is INSANELY cheesy. A hand buzzer electrocutes the guy into almost dust, a quill kills another guy, the huge gun that runs down the length of Jack’s pants (that’s what she said aside), there are two scenes solely dedicated to Prince songs, any time Batman fights Joker’s men it is all for comedic value et cetera.

        It also ruins the Batman mythos. The Joker didn’t kill Batman’s parents. If that was the case then either Michael Keaton is playing a 20 year old or the Joker is 60.

        We can agree to disagree… but that movie is cheesy. Real cheesy.

      • Crystal said

        I guess I didn’t find it cheesy since the most current memories I had of Batman were from the TV show which was…yes, cheesy.

        I was unaware of the Batman mythos since I was 7 years old when that movie came out (yes, I know you were too) and I haven’t read the comics.

        In any case, I prefer my Batman Michael Keaton style. And I despise Christian Bale unless he is dancing and singing around in Newsies.

      • aneira said

        christian bale is a dick. but hes a yummy dick.

      • cledbo said

        I don’t know, I struggled to find him ‘yummy’ after American Psycho.

        Which he was awesome in. But still a chainsaw-wielding homocidal 80s-guy maniac.

      • Dead God Birk said

        Is it wrong that I laughed hysterically when he nailed the hooker with the chainsaw from a three flight drop?

      • cledbo said

        Who doesn’t want to nail hookers from three storeys up*?

        Dexter is better at minimising mess though. So much Lemon Pledge needed for that apartment…

      • Dead God Birk said

        Nah, just tell the fuzz all the blood was from nose bleeds from all the coke.

      • PWG said

        Not if you also laughed at the Huey Lewis “Sports” album monologue.

  4. tiffanized said

    Wow. The phrase “legal in Georgia” suddenly seems creepy.

    They make Blade action figures, but don’t be holding your breath for one of those, because they’re like $50. If I’m going to drop that kind of dough I’d like to commission John Larriva to make a Wesley Snipes wind-up toy for you. Or me. Because I’m pretty sure that once I had access to a Wesley Snipes wind-up toy I wouldn’t give it up.

  5. I used to dislike Dakota Fanning; probably because I was jealous. She experienced more success by the age of 6 than I ever will. Also, I find it unnerving when children act like adults. Go play with worms and fight with your siblings and quit crossing your legs and using big words and reading.

    Anyway, I do like her now. I’ve never seen ‘I Am Sam’ because I have no desire to cry. I cried enough during two of her movies. One being Man on Fire. The other? CHARLOTTE’S WEB! Charlotte’s fucking Web. The 2006 remake! I was 22 and I was CRYING. In the theater! But come on! The baby spiders and the Charlotte dying and the sad piglet and oh god it was awful.

    ‘Titanic’ and ‘Pretty Woman’ are the worst, yet I’ve seen them both numerous times. I actually just watched ‘Pretty Woman’ on Valentine’s Day when it was showing on Lifetime. That sentence makes me want to cut my wrists. The premise is absurd and offensive, but I still find myself entertained somehow…

    This was one of your most funniest posts. Well done.

    • Forgetful Lucy said

      But were you crying in the theater at Charlotte’s Web on CHRISTMAS? Because I was. Yep. My “family” decided going to watch some basketball game was more important than spending quality time together at the holidays. So, I figured me and the little one would go see a cute kids movie. And then there were tears of sadness, on Christmas.

      I saw Titantic on recently and was thinking “this is really lame and Leo looks like he is 15”. How old were they supposed to be anyway? Because my current grown-up self wasn’t buying it, and found the whole hand against the fogged up glass a bit awwwk-ward.

  6. MLF said

    I’m pretty sure Dakota gets to see rated R movies…I mean I’m just guessing but I saw Titanic in theaters…in the third grade. and I’m no dakota so I’m pretty sure she gets a pass.

    the more I think about it the more I question why that movie was even rated R…I mean yeah they “do it” but its like, in a car and it’s soft lighting and nothing gets exposed…

    oh wait he does draw her naked though…eh. idk. I still think PG13 would have been ok. I mean let’s be real here what 13yr old hasn’t seen boobs by then?

    Horses aren’t necesarilly expensive, and a Palomino isn’t even rare, it’s just an unusual color but pretty common in Quarter horses. You could get one for probably $2000 or less. On the other hand I would guestimate Kurt probably dropped around $40,000 and most likely got her a show horse with great bloodlines and extensive training that is completely wasted on Dakota since I’m pretty sure she has no interest showing in a competitive Quarter Horse circuit like the AQHA. anyways.

    Dakota and I have a couple things in common apparantly: 1- my first word was also my pet cat’s name, only I called her “key” when her name was actually cassie. but hey very close. 2- I started reading at 2. That is not actually unusual. I mean first of all, it’s not like the day Dakota turned 2 she picked up Great Expectations and sat down and read it, but between the ages of 2-3 it is actually highly common nowadays for kids to be able to start reading simple words. And by four they are able to read things like “see spot run” all on their own. So that little piece of trivia is actually misleading. It makes her seem like a genius, which hey clearly she may be because she is 16 and is a millionare, but instead of saying she could read at the age of two it may have been less misleading to say, “At the age of two Dakota was able to read about ten different words such as cat, dog, run, see, spot, sit, hat, ect.” much less impressive.

  7. Forgetful Lucy said

    Are you relieved or disappointed today’s comments didn’t focus on this sentence out of your 2000 words of comedic excellence:

    “AVN – Best Gangbang Scene Featuring Anal – THE DARK KNIGHT!!!!!”

    Here is where I think Joy and Steven weren’t great parents-
    DF-I got offered a part in a movie.
    J&S-Great! Is it with an Oscar winning Director?
    J&S-Is it with an Oscar winning cast?
    J&S-Will the part get you an Oscar nom?
    J&S-What’s it about?
    DF-I’m gonna play some chick who sings on stage in what appears to be lingerie and then have a lesbian affair with Joan Jett’s character. I get to make-out with Kristen. Jordan says she Wants It.
    J&S-Sounds good! We’re so proud of you honey!

    Fingers crossed she follows in the steps of Natalie Portman and Emma Watson and goes to University before she continues trying to prove herself as edgy and sexy and stuff.

  8. PWG said

    Everyone thinks smart kids are good things, but what about when they use their powers for evil? An average misbehaving kid uses his high school’s art department light board to forge a parent’s signature on an absence note.

    A really diabolical child of average intelligence might whack himself with a belt before calling child protective services to fake child abuse when his parents refuse to let him go on that campout with his juvie friends.

    But a child who reads at two needs to be handled like old sweaty dynamite. How hard would it be for Miss Dakota to fake her parents’ signatures on an amended false tax return, file it, then report them to the IRS for the Federal crime, and emancipate herself and her currently-in-trust fortune when they’re shipped off to the Pen? Stay away from smart children.

    • cledbo said

      Evil smart kids FTW.

      Smart kids are also more likely to be able to make successful explosive devices (as opposed to becoming candidates for the Darwin Awards).

  9. Jerry said

    Dakota is the most beautiful sweet sixteen girl in the entire U.S. This blonde girl is an absolute angel.

  10. cledbo said

    She’s so damn cute. I’m with HB – you can’t hate her even though on paper she’s totally jealously/depression-inducing. I don’t even wish the usual teen starlet outcome on her (ref: Lindsay, Mary-Kate, Ashley, Brit-brit…) – she’s sweeter’n apple pie

    Your Enforcer caption = gold.

    If KStew ends up in the clink one day for getting in a bar fight and hitting some skank over the head with a pool cue, I won’t be surprised.

    The Dark Knight IS the best Batman movie, even with Christian Bale. I bet Katie Holmes kicked her husband through the wall for convincing her to pass on that role to Magz Gyllenhal. Worst Career Move Ever.

    • MLF said

      I would agree with you but take it even a step further and say worst career move: marrying Tom Cruise. Sorry Jordan…

      I mean yes do not get me wrong Tom Cruise has made tons of great movies, but the only time he’s entertained me in the last five years was watching him jump on Oprah’s couch or flipping out on the reporter that squirted him with water as a joke. And both times I was laughing at what a douche he is. sowyyy wahh wahhh wahhhh……

  11. AmyAlmost said

    I love all versions of Batman. I haven’t seen all of the Dark Knight yet, I was pregnant and found it too scary at the time. So I should really watch it to have an opinion. As for the Michael Keaton, cheesy batman and excuse for two Prince songs. Shame on you. I can’t even respond to your criticism, because well… shame on you.

    And as for Dakota not being recognised in Hong Kong. Well, that’s just obvious. Hong Kongese would be too concerned with the fact that now when you call them Chinese they can’t correct you and tell you that they are in fact from Hong Kong. Not to mention that now they’ve been annexed by China they’re probably dealing with the Western censorship that comes with that. Do you know nothing of Asia?

    I have a question for your Friday spot. Why are Americans so loud? And why do they hate fair laws? Dealing with a lot of American engineers lately and they can’t cope with our safety laws. This is what I hear “Fancy a government setting up laws/standards to prevent business/corporations from killing people”.

    • MLF said

      that is a really good question. about the fair laws thing. I actually took a class based on that last semester, it was called “Business Ethics and Societal Responsibility”

      it was centered around questions like “if we (a US company) are manufacturing a pesticide and write the warning labels in English, and sell it to a company in the US that speaks English, obvsly, but they then export it and sell it to a company overseas and that company doesn’t translate it into the language their factory floor workers speak and then the factory workers get sick because they were not following the warnings on the warning labels written in English, is it the US company’s fault?”

      The answer is always somehow yes.

      “But the US company sold it to another US Company! They couldn’t know that their product would be shipped overseas and that their warning labels would no be translated!”

      doesn’t matter. the US company is guilty. or rather, let’s forget about the guilty or innocent thing and focus on the fact that regardless whether the US company had any blame in the matter the point is that they still ended up shelling out millions to “correct their mistake”

      I got an A in this class by disregarding everything I thought was fair in favor of answering on the exams that whichever country was poorer should get money from the richer country- so in a completely off topic conclusion as a future business person, I hate fairness laws and anything having to do with societal responsiblity. It doesn’t matter what product I make or what I do, somehow, someway, some idiot is going to ingest it, electrocute himself with it, SOMETHING that any sane person would know you clearly should not do, regardless of cultural or language barriers, and “my” company is going to get sued. so much for caveat emptor.

      This is also why things like weedwackers in the US come with warnings to not stick your fingers inbetween the blades. because some idiot somewhere did and it was the companies fault that they never told people they shouldn’t try to trim their fingernails with a weedwhacker. true story.

      Also I think American’s don’t necesarily hate laws in general, but we just really love breaking them.

      wheeeeeeeeee agressive tuesday…

      • AmyAlmost said

        Why not sell an interpretation service with your product? Wouldn’t that legally cover your butt? ‘Can’t read the safety instructions – call this free call number, if you don’t and hurt yourself – not my fault’. It’s illegal to sell anything without translation to english here, not sure how it goes outside the country though. But I guess how can someone kill themselves with Uggs?

        It’s hard to sue someone here. And then if you win, it’s hard to get a payout that would make the news. Shouldn’t the US legal system quit with the large payouts for stupidity? Like let someone go through all that over a burnt lip from a coffee cup that didn’t have a warning and then say ‘you’re right, that’s sucks, here’s $50.00 for that burnt lip’. People would quit suing over their own idiocy then.

      • MLF said

        I think it varries by company, but if I am to believe what Fight Club says, which I do of course, then I think most companies do a cost benefit analysis. so it would be something like Cost of translator service , or = to cost of if someone sues us and wins, and then likelihood of getting sued , or = to likelihood of not getting sued. So if you don’t think you are going to get sued then you don’t spend the money to pay for the translator service.

        Or you manufacture marshmellows in edible bags. There’s no way someone could fuck that up and you even cover your ass by making the container edible which would also mean most likely someone couldn’t suffocate themselves or others with it. sigh.

        and yeah McDonald’s and I agree with you on the burnt lip thing but hey this is the land of the free and the home of the brave after all and we demand our freedom to sue people for selling us hot coffe, yayyy

      • cledbo said


        You can die from embarrassment wearing Uggs in public

    • MLF said

      and I have no idea why American’s are so loud, because some of them certainly are but then again I have a lot of Italian and Irish family and they make me seem quiet. So maybe it just depends.

    • Crystal said

      I love you for having my back on that. The first time I comment in weeks and I get the ole’ KSWI Jordan stink eye.

  12. aneira said

    michael keaton batman = shit
    the penguin dude is pretty awesome though, nothing compared to heath
    how i love heath
    i have not seen the dr parnassus movie yet, but i intend to, if its still in theaters.i didnt see much advertising for it which is a shame.
    tim burton is amazing but his batman movies suck
    its okay though because i still love him.

    i kinda like dakota fanning
    i used to hate her but she kinda grew on me.
    shes reeaalllly pretty too

  13. Dead God Birk said

    I have not heard that yet. When did commenting start giving you home work? ( Mr. and the News yes, “Sports” album no)

  14. Lietchka said

    Titanic on 3rd grade? I saw Batman (1) in the theater in 3rd grade. The Fannings’s got nothing on my mother’s parental skills.

    As for comparing Batmans, the only question you have to ask yourself is: *in a fight, if I had pick between Michael Keaton or Christian Bale for back-up, who would I pick?* Exactly.

    Julia Roberts would have made Jerry Maguire 100% more awesome. And Indecent Proposal would have been 100% more believable if Robert Redford was the husband and Woody Harrelson was the millionaire that has to pay a million dollars to get a chick. And then she still picked Redford in the end.

    p.s.: “I am Sam” is the saddest god damned movie ever.

  15. kristenstewartwantsit said

    Hey, Steve – you think about Dakota Fanning way too much. An unhealthy amount.

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